Speech by Graham Smillie

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Graham Smillie
Speech Date: Jul 2002
LADIES & GENTLEMEN,

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW ME, MY NAME IS "GRAHAM WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK", AND IF YOU SEE ME LATER PLEASE DON'T HESITATE TO COME OVER AND CHAT, I'LL PROBABLY BE AROUND THE BAR AREA!

FIRST OF ALL ON BEHALF OF THE BRIDESMAIDS I WOULD JUST LIKE TO THANK COLIN FOR HIS KIND WORDS. CAN I SAY WHAT A GREAT JOB THEY HAVE ALL DONE TODAY AND HOW WONDERFUL THEY ARE LOOKING, THE SAME MUST ALSO BE SAID ABOUT CLAIRE, WHO I THINK YOU'LL ALL AGREE LOOKS STUNNING.

WHEN COLIN ASKED ME TO BE HIS BESTMAN I FELT HONOURED AND WAS MORE THAN HAPPY TO DO IT, THEN WENT AWAY AND WORRIED ABOUT THE SPEECH! AS THIS IS THE FIRST I'VE DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS!! SO IF I START SOUNDING LIKE G,G,G. GARETH GATES GO EASY ON ME!

THIS IS ALSO THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER WORN A KILT, I KNOW COLIN HAS WORN IT MANY A TIME, PROBABLY TRYING TO GET USED TO WEARING A SKIRT BECAUSE FROM NOW ON CLAIRE WILL BE WEARING THE TROUSERS!

WELL THEY SAY THE WORST 5 MINUTES OF THE GROOMS DAY IS THE BESTMANS SPEECH, HOWEVER THE WORST 5 MINUTES OF CLAIRES DAY, WON'T BE UNTIL THE TWO OF THEM DISAPPEAR TO THERE ROOM LATER ON TONIGHT!!

BEING THE BESTMAN IT'S MY JOB TO SAY A FEW WORDS ABOUT COLIN, BUT I'VE DECIDED TO GO EASY ON HIM AS HE'LL JUST GET HIS REVENGE NEXT YEAR!! AND ALSO I DON'T WANT TO DROP MYSELF IN IT!!

AT AN EARLY AGE COLIN WAS UNFORTUNATE TO STAND ON A WASPS NEST WHICH HE LATER USED TO HIS ADVANTAGE, FOR EXAMPLE – AT PRIMARY SCHOOL THE TIME HE JUMPED OUT OF THE CLASSROOM WINDOW CLAIMING TO BE ATTACKED BY A WASP, BUT WE ALL KNOW IT WAS JUST HIS WAY OF TRYING TO SKIVE LESSONS!!

THE SKIVING DID'NT STOP THERE, AT HIGH SCHOOL COLIN AND I WOULD OFTEN HIDE ROUND THE SIDE OF HIS HOUSE UNTIL MARGARET WENT TO WORK THEN USE OUR DINNER MONEY TO BUY FAGS AND SIT IN HIS HOUSE ALL DAY SMOKING AND DRINKING COFFEE, OR SOMETIMES JIMS WHISKY (SORRY JIM ) I KNOW TONIGHT JIM I WON'T HAVE TO STEAL YOUR DRINK – AS YOU WILL BE BUYING ME ONE!!

ON THE RARE OCCASION COLIN WAS AT SCHOOL ONE OF HIS FAVOURITE SUBJECTS WAS HISTORY, BECAUSE HE WAS QUITE GOOD AT IT, WHICH WAS SURPRISING REALLY BECAUSE HE WAS'NT USED TO ANY HISTORY BEING A MOTHERWELL FAN!!

SINCE COLIN MOVED TO ABERDEEN, EVERY TIME SANDRA AND I ARE ON OUR WAY UP TO VISIT MY MOBILE RINGS AND I KNOW IT'S COLIN ASKING ME TO BRING UP SOME RED WINE, ON THE FLY! AS CLAIRE THINKS IT MAKES HIM MISBEHAVE!!

YESTERDAY WAS NO EXCEPTION!! BUT THIS TIME IT WAS JUST A HALF BOTTLE.
SO I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, MAY'BE HE'S JUST TAKING THINGS EASY THE NIGHT BEFORE HIS WEDDING!!!

SO WHEN WE ARRIVED IN ABERDEEN I HANDED HIM THE HALF BOTTLE AND THOUGHT NO MORE OF IT! UNTIL TODAY!!

AS WE WERE ABOUT TO LEAVE FOR THE CHURCH COLIN ASKS "GRAHAM HAVE YOU GOT THE ?? " AND I SAID "YES COLIN I ‘VE GOT THE RING" I COULD'NT BELIEVE IT WHEN HE SAID "NAW NO THE RING THE WINE!"

COLIN I REFUSE TO KEEP THIS FOR YOU ANY LONGER

(BRING OUT BUCKIE)

TODAY OF ALL DAYS CLAIRE, HE ASKED FOR ONE THAT WOULD FIT IN HIS SPORRAN!!

I'M ACTUALLY SURPRISED YOU STILL TAKE A DRINK COLIN!AFTER THAT NIGHT A COUPLE OF MONTHS BACK WHEN YOU AND CLAIRE WERE OUT FOR A NIGHT, GOT BACK HOME "FULL" AS YOU DO AND WENT TO BED – CLAIRE WOKE TO FIND YOU PEE-ING IN THE CORNER OF THE ROOM!

IF THATS NOT BAD ENOUGH IT JUST HAPPENED TO BE ALL OVER THE CLOTHES SHE HAD BEEN WEARING!

(SORRY COLIN COULD'NT RESIST IT)

ON THAT NOTE I'LL QUIT WHILE I'M AHEAD AND ASK YOU ALL TO BE UPSTANDING & RAISE YOUR GLASSES TO TOAST THE NEW MR & MRS FLEMING

TO COLIN & CLAIRE!!!