Speech by Ian Condron

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Ian Condron
Speech Date: sep 2004
Speech

Ladies and Gentleman for those who don't know I am Ian, Anthony's Best man.

Firstly, before we go any further may I thank the Vicar for what was a truly lovely service, Anthony did tell me that the vicar was against sex before marriage but Sue did assure him it would only take a couple of minutes.

On behalf of the Bridesmaid may I think Anthony for his kind words, I am sure you will all agree that the bridesmaid indeed looks lovely, only to be surpassed by Sue who looks absolutely stunning. Anthony on the other hand just looks stunned.

Actually both Anthony and Paul both look great today but I am a bit peeved that they copied my outfit.

I have to say when Antony asked me to be his best man it was an honour but I soon came down to earth when I realised I had to do a speech. I mean, giving a speech at such an importantant occasion is like making love to the queen……….… A horrible job but someone's got to do it.

Well what can I say about the Groom, he's Cool, Charming, Caring, Soph….Soph..… Sophisticated
………… [Looks at Ant] Sorry Anthony, your spellings atrocious.
In fact, Anthony's spelling at school was so bad that during his long haired heavy metal devil worshipping phse, he sold his soul to Santa.

Now if I were to follow tradition, I would delve into the lesser known stories of Anthony's life and bring up things about his ex girlfriends but sadly, none of them came through the BSE crisis in tact.

I've spoken to Anthony's work colleagues who tell me that his nickname at work is The God, its true, apparently he makes his own rules and if he does any work it's a bloody miracle.

Now today, being called best man is somewhat of a paradox, for today truly belongs to only one man and that's you Anthony. No matter the size and liberality of the thoughts, tokens and gestures provided to you today you have already attained the greatest gift a man could wish for, …..… the love
of a woman as beautiful, loving and as caring as Sue.

In life, its difficult to imagine Morecombe without Wise, Torville without Dean, Del without Rodney, Ozzie without Sharon, Romeo without Juliette and of course Anthony without Sue .

A famous writer Poet once said:-

A relationship is like a rose
How long it lasts no one knows,
Love can erase an awful past,
Love can be yours, you'll see at last

To feel that love it makes you sigh
To have it leave you'd rather die
Anthony you've found that special rose
Cause you love and care for the one you chose.

As is customary, I should leave the Groom with a tale of wisdom:-

10 men and a woman were suspended by a rope hanging from a balloon. They were rapidly loosing height and decided one person should let go of the rope or else they would all die. No one could decide who should go so finally the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save theirs because, woman are used to giving things up for their husbands and children, and that after all, Men were the superior sex and must be saved.

After she had finished speaking all the men clapped.
Never underestimate the power of a woman!

Messages from absent friends:-

Here appears to be a fax from Norwich City Football Club:-

Dear Sue,

We've had Anthony on trial here, we tried him in every position and he was useless.
We hope you have more luck.

Dear Anthony,

Thanks for the weekends lazing by the pool, I do hope you've made the right choice.
Love Micheal Barrymore.

Anthony

We will miss the threesomes – Neil and Christine Hamilton

On behalf of the Bride and Groom I would like to thank everybody for coming today, just for being here you have made their day.
Lastly I am going to have to stop because of my throat, Anthony's going to cut it if I go on any more, so without further ado, please raise your glasses and bless the happy couple Anthony and Sue.