Speech by Ian Evans

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Ian Evans
Speech Date: 14/09/2011 20:16:36

Ladies and Gentleman, Friends and Freeloaders… first of all for the benefit of those who don't know me, my name is Ian, I'm Richard's good friend and today, you lucky people, I'm the best man.

Now when Richard asked me to be his Best Man, as we staggered home at 4am on a Sunday morning I was shocked, surprised and overwhelmed… no I wasn't… If I'm honest I expected him to ask me. To be fair he hasn't got many friends and his options were somewhat limited. No, I was flattered. However it is fair to say that at the time I didn't really grasp the seriousness of what I'd done by agreeing and saying “yes”. I didn't think about making a speech and saying nice things about him. To be honest I've had very little experience of either so you'll have to bear with me. I'd also like to add that I am rather nervous. I'm not really renowned for my public speaking and I seem to have an uncontrollable urge to prove to you why, over the next 5 or so, painful minutes. So you'll have to forgive me if I start getting tongue tied or wixing my murds.

Firstly I'd like to thank Richard for his kind words on behalf of our beautiful Bridesmaids,  Fran, Annie, Abbey and Amelia. I'd personally like to thank them myself, and as I realise that weddings can be a little tedious and long winded for some, I'd also like to thank you all for being so well behaved… especially Fran, you've been golden!

I'd also like to echo Richard's earlier sentiments  and extend our collective thanks to Kate's parents John and Ann,  for not only raising our beautiful Bride, but for also laying on this wonderful reception. It has been a little hectic over the last couple of days and at times there's been so many people running about that it was like stepping onto the set of the Benny Hill show. But as you can all see, the blood, sweat and tears have really paid off.

Now, unfortunately, for everyone but Richard, I don't have many amusing childhood stories or embarrassing tales about growing up with him, as we didn't really meet until we were about 18. We knew of each other at school and even shared the odd lunchtime NME crossword, but it wasn't until we were both old enough to drink, legally that is, that we became friends. I think our first real meeting took place in the White Hart pub, Cannock. Looking back at the first evening I mainly recall how confident and cool he at least appeared to be. He had just breezed through his A-levels, he liked all my favourite films, had an impeccable taste in music, and most importantly, he had his own car! In fact, If he'd had a decent pair of breasts it could very well of been me sitting next to him today, dressed in White! Ok, to be fair it wasn't his car, it was his Dad's Astra Estate that he used for work, complete with tools and dustsheets, but I'll tell you this, at 12.00am on a cold Friday night that car was a God send. However, as the weeks went by and Richard's appetite for alcohol grew more and more embarrassingly out of hand, the lifts home became less and less frequent. I stuck with him though; I persevered because although I'd lost my lift home, it was clear that I'd gained a friend for life.

This new friendship of ours rolled along for about 12 months until it became time for Richard to pack a bag and head off down to Oxford University where he was to study History. We'd go down to see him as often as we could, usually equipped with something essential as packed by his Mom Carol. Something he'd forgotten to pack or never thought he'd actually need. Puncture repair kits, Tennis Racquets, toilet rolls. In fact, letting his Mom sort out his essentials is a habit that continues to this day. Not a lot of people are aware of this but Carol actually helped him out today by purchasing his Wedding Day underwear. She wouldn't tell me much about them apart from that they're figure hugging,  Black but not too fancy. Although apparently, the lace trim on his bra does match his tie! Oh sorry, that wasn't supposed to be a surprise for Kate later was it mate???

Anyway as I was saying, we'd head south and visit as often as we could. Although he was always excited to see us we were always surprised when he greeted us in his new ‘special voice’. This was the more clipped and eloquent way of talking that he'd adopted around his new friends, especially the Ladies. It always seemed strange but it'd usually only take a couple of hours of non-stop abuse before he'd revert back to his trusty Cannock accent, much to the amusement of his fellow students.

So after what he assures us were 3 long, strenuous and stressful years, the cocky little sod returned home with a B.A in History, with honours. And I'll tell you this folks, he hasn't let a single day go by since when he hasn't used those qualifications to the full!! He is an inspiration to us all!!

The next couple of years flew by as a blurred concoction of drinking, dancing, festivals, failed bands, motorway service stations, stolen bikes, badly cooked BBQ's, Ron Jeremy films, doomed relationships and …kite flying? Then he met Kate, and everything changed. Some would say for the better… ………………………………………and I would be one of those people.

Richard and Kate actually first met over the internet. Richard had placed an online advert looking for a drummer to join his and Dan's new band, the Gaskins. Kate had replied to the advert and arranged to meet them. Now it wasn't exactly love at first site, in fact, Kate initially thought Richard was gay! This was mainly due to the fact that as she sat discussing how she could enrich the Gaskins live experience, Richard was busy gazing lovingly toward a nearby T.V running videos of a bare-chested Morrissey. It's not the first time someone had made assumptions upon his sexuality, but now that he's married I guess he's finally put those rumours to bed. Although to be fair, with the pink ties you did keep us guessing right ‘til the end.

Over time though, Kate managed to wrestle some of his attention away from Morrissey and work her way into his affections, and it's not hard to see why. Kate you look stunning today and I can assure you all that Richard is a very lucky man. Kate is a kind, warm, witty, and a selflessly generous young lady. Ok I'll admit, she's also argumentative, confrontational and far too overly opinionated, but I kind of consider these good points too. In fact at the end of the day I don't actually think I could've wished for a better girl for the little man to have settled down with and I'm sure you'll all agree, she's made an excellent choice for her first Husband.

Now thankfully, for all of us, my time up here is almost done. I have been asked to read out a few cards on behalf of those who were unable/or not bothered, to be here today…

Finally, and seriously, I'd just like to say thank you to Richard. It's been an honour and a pleasure to be your Best Man today, as it has been to be your friend all these years. You truly are one of the good guys and i know you'll make Kate as happy as she obviously makes you.

Ladies and Gentlemen, please raise your glasses one more time…to Mr. & Mrs. Thorne.