Speech by Ian Robinson

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Ian Robinson
Speech Date: aug 2002
I'd just like to start by thanking everyone on behalf of the Bride and Groom for sharing their wedding day, particularly those who have travelled long distances.

Just so you know, Alan has assured me that if I do a good job today, I can be Best Man at his next wedding!

I first met Alan over 12 twelve years ago when we both worked for Tesco's.

Our friendship first involved stacking shelves and admiring members of the opposite sex. Then, in our later teenage years, it mainly consisted of:

Drinking.
Throwing up.
Being blown out by women.
More drinking.
Occasionally snogging the odd dog.
More drinking.
More throwing up.
And a few fights in bars, with Alan always hiding round the corner – His excuse..… he was holding the drinks!

I'm sure you all agree that Mel looks absolutely stunning – and Alan looks – well, Alan looks ..… stunned.

Seriously though, I am very happy to see my good friend get married to such a great girl. Ever since Alan and Mel met, they have been inseparable. I have seen their love grow stronger and stronger through some tough times.

Al, you're a good man, and your deserve the best. With Mel, you've got it and I wish you every happiness for the future.

May all your ups and downs be under the covers!

Please join me in a toast To Alan & Mel..… The Bride and Groom…… Cheers!

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INTRO

Afternoon Ladies & Gents!

I'd just like to start by thanking everyone on behalf of the Bride and Groom for sharing their wedding day, particularly those who have travelled long distances. Personally, I wished you all stayed at home.… as things would have been a damn site easier for me!

For those who don't know me, my name is Ian and I'm Robbie's lighter brother…… oh sorry! .… I mean …..‘Little Brother’!

Just so you all know …… It has taken Robbie 28 years to finally admit that I AM the Best Man – so today, I'm gonna make the most of it!

I'm sure you all agree that Tina looks absolutely stunning – and Robbie looks – well, Robbie looks ..… stunned. The kids look great too – and Emily has done a brilliant job of being Bridesmaid today.

SPEECH

My main duties being the Best Man today were:

Firstly, to make sure Robbie got here on time.
Secondly, to help the Groom dress – Robbie still needed help in this department .… At 31 he still manages to turn up to work wearing odd shoes!
And most importantly – To Make sure that all of the presents reach the Bride and Groom's home. So……, if you would like to place all of the gifts that you've brought with you (especially the ones that contain money), in the back of the silver golf parked outside, I will personally ensure that they receive them.… (cough, raise eyebrows).

ROBBIE

Robbie was born on the 23rd March 1973. When he came into this world he was about the size of a small child.

He did however, blossom into a beautiful bundle of fun….., guilty of little more than his collection of bogies on his headboard and the extremely heavy colds he must have suffered as a teenager. At least….… I think it was heavy colds – how else could he explain the pile of toilet paper under his pillow?

Anyway,…..Robbie attended {###### ####### School], which happened to be the first school in Britain to close down for poor education.

However, Robbie did go onto Higher Education where he studied ‘A’ Levels in Sociology and History. With these subjects that have NO relevance whatsoever..… Robbie landed himself a job in the Finance Sector.

Believe it or not, at School, Robbie was a keen Sportsman. He played Football for a team managed by my Dad – Appropriately called the Fairies! But his team mates found him useless in every position..… well…., lets hope that Tina has more luck tonight then!

ROBBIE & TINA

Right……Robbie and Tina first met at a Swimming Club in Hackney …….… 15 years and two children later, Robbie and Tina are finally married. They took so long, even the bookies were beginning to mark it up as a bit of a long shot.

As his brother though…… I am so pleased that he has Tina to share his life with. The pair have truly proved the test of time and I couldn't wish for any other person to be my sister-in-law.

Some Advice:

I would like to take this opportunity now to give Robbie some advice:

Never go to bed angry….… Always stay up and argue.
Never swear at your wife if there are ladies present.
Oh!…..… and the best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it once.

But….… if you want an easy life:

Always remember to tell her those 3 little words……”YOU'RE RIGHT, DEAR”.

HANDS

Before I move onto the cards, I'd just like to ask Robbie and Tina to participate in the speech.

Tina, if I can ask you to place your hand flat on the table…..… Right, Robbie…… it's now your turn..… Place your hand directly on top of Tina's……

Enjoying that Robbie? Make the most of it mate, cos it's the last time you'll ever have the upper hand!

Finally joking apart, marriage is a serious business and it SHOULD NOT be entered into lightly…… and at 17 stone Robbie certainly isn't doing that either!

CARDS

Now, I'd just like to take a moment to read a couple of cards out:

READ FROM FAKE CARDS

(Read out a genuine card first then read 3 fake ones!)

Robbie – we could have been so good together.… Pamela Andersen!
Robbie – we could have been so good together..… Dale Winton!
Dear Robbie & Tina – thanks for all the business this year.… MacDonalds, Bexley!

TOASTS

Could you all please stand and join me in a toast for this very special day….… To The Bride and Groom's Parents. Thank you.

While your all standing, there are two people, who today, we have all taken into our hearts…… and without them, this day would not have been the success it has. ……Ladies and Gentlemen……, please raise your glasses and join me in a toast (short pause), The Bar Staff!

No, of course I am only joking. I'd like to say that it really has been an honour being Best Man, but today, I am the Best Man in name only. It's Robbie and Tina's day and I'd like to wish them all the very best for this new chapter in their lives.

May your love be modern enough to survive the times, and old fashioned enough to last forever.

To Robbie and Tina..… The Bride & Groom.

THE END!