Speech by Ian Vevers

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Ian Vevers
Speech Date: Jul 2002
Well, as Grouch Marx once said ‘After an introduction like that, I can barely wait to hear myself speak’

My first two names are in fact Ian -‘would you like another drink’

I am very friendly, do not hesitate to come and introduce yourself later on by the bar.

I'd like to start by thanking, on behalf of the bride and groom, the bridesmaids Emma and Sandra for their help and I'd just like to say how wonderful they both look.

I think you'll all agree with me that Kathleen looks radiant and makes a beautiful bride.

Kath is a lovely person dan, and she deserves a good husband. Your lucky you married her before she found one!!

& just so I don't leave anyone out I just want to say Thanks to the ushers Andy, Pete & Robert you all look beautiful as well

When I was writing this speech I decided to borrow from the great public speakers of history, however after researching there wasn't much wedding material in the speeches of Stalin, Hitler & Castro, so I tried another approach.

Webster's dictionary defines ‘Wedding’ as the act of removing unwanted plants from ones garden, but that was no help, so I tried once more

The qualities of the Groom – I've known him for almost 10 years. He's humorous, intelligent, witty, generous………SORRY that's a wedding I going to next week!!

Traditionally I should take the mickey out of Dan, telling you things like he was such a ugly baby that when he was born the doctor picked him up by his feet to slap life in to him, looked his bottom then his face and said “my goodness – Siamese twins!” or that his mother used to tie a kipper around his neck just so that the cat would play with him,

I think it's more appropriate to talk about some of Daniels life and confirm Kathleen's relative's worst fears

Dan was born on May 25th, 1973 giving rise to two ironies

The first being 1973 was the Chinese year of the Ox, how appropriate he should marry Kath who was raised on a good beef cattle farm. This will have acclimatised her to the strange smells; the constant feeding and being handy with a cattle prod will be useful.

Talking of strange smells leads me to the second irony

What a coincidence that on the same day in 1915 poison gas was used in warfare for the very first time. Without going in to detail the following words can be linked
Dan – strange smells – poison gas – crime against humanity

When Dan was five years old we find him celebrating the Silver Jubilee wearing his mothers’ tights……….… whilst dressed as a chicken,
Compared with this years Golden Jubilee when we found him wearing his mothers tights…

In his teenage years, Daniel started to reveal the personality we know and love today. Jane & Robin realised what sort of boy he was – lets just say they wanted an Einstien, they got a Frankenstein

When Dan was 17 he was riding along on his mighty 50cc moped at night and he came off on a patch of ice. A police man turned up, Dan, using all his charm, said ‘Good evening officer, y'alright?’ the policeman replied ‘I would be if it wasn't for dickheads like you!’.

He was charged with careless driving, and the case was dealt with in the local court. Dan was young and very nervous. The clerk of the court asked him to confirm his name & address but Dan was very nervous & just shouted Guilty! At the top of his voice (he said even the Magistrate was trying not to laugh)

I first met Dan almost a couple of years later at work where he introduced himself as ‘Dan Taylor – nobody important really!’

Dan was the kind of guy of you could count on for a job to thought thru and well done and on many occasions I was grateful for these abilities and also his skill for organising people.

We used to share a car in to work, I used to pick Dan up in the morning and he enlighten my life with stories of teenage angst, how his mother and father were really undercover secret agents playing a game of good cop, bad cop with the sole purpose of irritating him.

By the way if you were secret agents Robin & Jayne, well done, it worked!

But Dan had other plans for his life and after much careful thought left his job and went to University, which must have been a tough decision and one I very much respect him for. He obviously made the right choice because four years later he left with a degree and awards for Best student, the chairman's prize, and the Sponsors prize, which is hogging things by any standards.

But the biggest prize Dan left university with was his future wife!

Dan has also inherited from his parents the ability get on with people and it's a real pleasure today to see people from different parts of his life – childhood friends from Lichfield, people from University and work and looking at Mattie over there, even one from Twycross Zoo

This was also reflected last weekend during the Stag do, the conversation varied over such subjects as uses for the cardboard tube out of a kitchen roll (you can ask Eddie later) to ‘who's the toughest ‘Bruce Lee or Hong Kong Phooey?’

And my favourite ‘If you put a lion, a tiger, a bear and an alligator together having a fight in a boxing ring which one would win?’

I'd like to say that what a genuine honour it is to be asked to be Dans best man today, I know I am just one of many equally suitable close friends that he could well have chosen

I've always looked upon Dan as the younger brother I never had, and in his own way Dan thinks of me as the elder brother he never wanted

So I would like to finish in the traditional way. Ladies & Gentlemen, please charge your glasses, stand, and join me in a toast – to Kathleen and Dan

And finally just so I don't keep you in suspense it was generally agreed that the alligator would win the fight in the boxing ring

Ladies & gentlemen, Kathleen's brother Robert would like to say a few words