Speech by James Asquith

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: James Asquith
Speech Date: Mar2007
Now before I get started, I””d like to make sure everybody can hear me….can you all hear me?

Now I did ask for a microphone but was told one wasn't available. So if you can't hear me at the back, the silence from the people at the front should re-assure you that you're not missing out on anything.

For those of you who don””t know me, and especially for those who I meet in the bar later, my name is &quotJames what r u drinking&quot..…

For those of you who do know me … well I apologise.

Firstly I would like to welcome you to this special celebration of Toby and Elaine Marriage.

I will first hand u over to the James brother of bride to say a few words &ltBREAK&gt

I will hand u over to Jim to say a few words &ltBREAK&gt

I will hand u over to the father of Groom Tim to say a few words &ltBREAK&gt

And now the moment u have all been waiting 4 The Groom &ltBREAK&gt

Now I will read a few cards which Toby and Elaine have requested that I read, also several e-mails from people Toby works with

I would just like to say a big &quotThank you&quot to the bridesmaid Hannah, who done such a marvellous job in helping Elaine brighten the day!!!!…

Indeed she is only eclipsed by Elaine herself, who, I'm sure you'll all agree looks absolutely stunning today.

Toby, on the other hand, just looks stunned.

It's fair to say that being a best man can be a fairly nerve racking experience and there's one person here this afternoon feeling really nervous, apprehensive and queasy about what lies ahead. All I can say is don't worry, it's because you've just married Toby and I am sure it will pass!

Toby truly is a lucky man today marrying Elaine. She is a wonderful lady who deserves a good husband..… so I think Toby's done a fantastic job in marrying her before she had the chance to find one.

JUST REMEMBER THE MORE YOU LAUGH THE SOONER THIS IS OVER.

Ladies and Gentlemen: boys and girls &amp those who are only here for the free food and champagne, hello and welcome to this Toby &amp Elaines special day.

Now the main part of the best-mans speech is to give you lot all the embarrassing stories about Toby.… Unfortunately today we just don't have time to cover them all.

But I do have a few, Shall we start at the beginning infant school, Toby was asked to bring something old into school but his dad couldn't make it, so he took in Granddads war medals. Toby returns them and after a short period of time Granddad realises he's missing the Star of Burma, Tobys had a better idea for the shiny medal and decided to keep it and promote himself to Sheriff Turner.

Ever since I first met Toby he's always been quite a food connoisseur giving advise on cooking and boasting about his cooking talents, however, this has not always been the case. In fact one of Toby's first microwave cooking experience he almost brought the house down after missing reading the cooking time instruction on a pizza, poor young Toby misread 1.5 minutes for 15 minutes and only until black smoke was billowing out of the microwave and the pizza resembled a small black raisin was there any concern, the concern being is the pizza still edible.

University days were good in teaching Toby the value of hygiene and cleanliness, especially on one visit when Toby's parents called into the flat were Toby was living only to find it absolute spotless and to the highest standards of any Uni digs, it must have been hard to believe that a student was living there and amazed that Toby had finally learned how to tidy up after himself, that's until they opened the kitchen cupboards to reveal 3 months of dirty pots and pans which Toby thought he could hide from them.

Seriously, I can't say anything bad about Toby especially now as he paid me so much money to keep my mouth shut, its ok pal your secrets are safe until after my 5th pint.

I've only known Toby for a few years now, but it's been a privilege in meeting him, he introduced me to Elaine and his family who have welcomed me with open arms without hesitation or question.

From day one he has always been a genuine, honest, trustworthy and very clean guy… I'm honoured &amp privilege to be your best man today.

I couldn't be happier for you Toby, you're a good friend who deserves all the happiness in the world. You're kind, easy going, up for a laugh, you have a big heart and full of character.

I'm sure with Toby's constant gaming on the playsation, watching Tottenham play football and frequent trips to the cinema, there will be a lot of heart ache and disappointment ahead but that's what you get when you support Tottenham, but with a frequent supply of sex in the city for Elaine, I know you two will have a very long and happy future together. By the way Elaine the new Final Fantasy game is out soon so good luck with that.

The father of the groom Tim and mastercard would like to thank everyone and drinks can now be charged to room 101.

And if you are actually staying in room 101, cheers!

There is also someone I forgot to thank and that's the internet for making this speech possible.

Now it gives me great Pleasure to ask you all to stand and raise your glasses for some very important people, with out them the day would not be the same,

Would raise your glasses in my toast to

The hotel staff, for helping make Toby and Elaine's special day!!

One final thing I would just like to say that we all wish you both, nothing but the best for the future.
You are a unique and perfectly matched couple, and I hope all your dreams come true, and that you may have a long and happy life together

So without further ado … if you would all like to charge your glasses….…

Live life to the fullest – remember, this is the first day of the rest of your life

May you grow old on one pillow.

HERE'S TO HAPPILY EVER AFTER,
AS TOBY &amp ELAINE START THEIR NEW LIFE,
PLEASE STAND &amp TOAST THE NEW HUSBAND &amp WIFE. MR &amp MRS TURNER

Ladies &amp gentlemen…..…

Toby &amp Elaine!!

Thanks you, I hope everyone enjoys the rest of the evening.