Speech by James Walker

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: James Walker
Speech Date: Apr2003
Afternoon everyone.

As Andrew says, I'm James – The Best Man

I hope you're all enjoying the day as much as I was until two minutes ago.

First off, I'd like to add my own, personal, vote of thanks to our beautiful bridesmaids Jessica, Kate and Sara.
And to Matthew and Martin, my equally gorgeous Ushers, who have done all the real work today.

And not to forget Connor and Nathan, my stalwart, ever@ready ring@bearers. Who were not afraid to keep custody of those most important items, when Andy realised I couldn't be trusted with them.
Cheers lads, there's a couple of drinks at the Bar.

But I'd then like to offer my own thanks to Andy, and to Becki, for offering me the honour of being his, their, Best Man.

I'd like to spend but a few, precious, minutes acknowledging some part of that deep and personal burden that Becki is about to ease from my shoulders.

Having only a sister, it's true to say that I think of this man as a brother. A slightly hairy and unpleasant brother, but a kindred soul nonetheless and it's true that I'd do anything for him and he'd do anything for me. In fact, we spend our whole lives doing nothing for each other.

Now, as we know, Andy and Becki have been together for a few years now and I daresay most of the people in the room think that they know ‘Ole Andy here pretty well.

He's … an upstanding chap … a top bloke … a pillar of the community.
In fact, a lot of words associated with height.

But, as they say, to every silver lining there is a cloud to every angel there is a demon to every Garden Centre Manager there is …

… someone whose ‘Sleeping Santa’ Xmas display gives children nightmares!

But, I promised that I'd not delve into the murky depths of our past, however one thing hasn't changed in all the time I've known Andy.

It's the nickname thing.

If the girls Becki, Sara, Sharon and Joy go out for a few convivial beverages and a Caesar salad, they call each other … Becki, Sara, Sharon and Joy.
But if the boys get together for a few jars and a fruit machine, it's Jimbob, Cosworth .… And not forgetting .… Mr. Fluffy here.

It's a long story which I'll tell later, at a pint per chapter.

All this changed a couple of years ago when Mr Fluffy here took up an invitation from Matt and Sara to attend the Hunt Ball in Cheltenham. I'd like to be able to say that it was a dark, stormy and portentous night but the weather was good, the evening went fantastically and I got a message the next morning to say “went to Hunt Ball, had great time, noticed girl, girl noticed me, Becki “

Things went swimmingly, and I didn't see much of Andy for the next few months, however you could tell the effect that Becki was having on him just by looking at him.
1He CUT…..his HAIR
2He APPRECIATED.… showering
3He DISCOVERED….deodorising insoles

At that point it occurred to me that I the man I knew and loved was subtlely changing, to be replaced by somebody who was acceptable in normal society. It occurred to me that the novelist Helen Rowland was right when she said ‘A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted’

But then I thought that it was Bart Simpson who said ‘Is it my hair, my overbite, or the fact that I've worn the same shirt and shorts for the last four years?’

But it all seems to have worked, Becki you look absolutely radiant and, mate, well you can't even see the staples holding your ears back.

So, before I get kicked in the shins again, I'd like to offer this toast to the bride and groom : ‘As you slide down the banister of life, May the splinters never point the wrong way’ Ladies and gentlemen, Andrew and Becki!