Speech by james

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: james
Speech Date: 31/08/2015 18:38:04

Ladies and gentlemen I would like to say how nice it is to be gathered for this happy occasion, For those of you that don't know me I am James, Robert's older brother, as most will be aware it's been a hard time for the family with the passing of our older brother Richard, and we wish he could have been here, me more than most, as then it may have been him sat on the toilet all morning and not me. Here's to you Richard. (Raise glass). Well I hope you are all enjoying what has been a brilliant wedding celebration so far. Now before I start I must let you all know that I'm no comedian and certainly not a great public speaker, as I mentioned before this isn't the first time today that I have got up off a nice warm seat with several pieces of paper in my hand. So with that in mind I promise that this will be short and sweet, about the same amount of time it will take Rob to consummate his marriage to Angie later on tonight………… twice.  Now I have spent the last two months worrying about this speech, and being my first time and hopefully my last, I asked a friend for a little advice, he told me two things, firstly don't worry it's like going to a nudist beach its only hard for the first couple of minutes,  Secondly, as the best man I should sing the grooms praises, well I can't sing and I certainly don't lie. But then I realised who else could possibly stand where I am right now and feel more proud and honoured to be able to represent Rob on this, the most important day of his life. You see Robert's not only my brother, he is also my best friend and I've always been able to go to him for whatever I've needed. As my brother and my best friend there's nothing I wouldn't do for Rob, likewise I know there's nothing Rob wouldn't do for me. In fact, we spend most of our time doing nothing for each other. I would like to thank the Bridesmaids, pageboys and Lewis the usher on a wonderful job they have made today. And I must comment on how beautiful Angie looks today which I'm sure you must all agree. Pat You must be extremely proud. Sorry Mum Dad this is the best I could do with Robert, after all I'm a best man not a miracle worker. As I was sat through the service today I remember thinking to myself how funny it is that history repeats itself. I mean 37 years ago, Pat Was sending her daughter to bed with a dummy, the same thing will be happening again later this evening. Unsurprisingly I have known Robert all is life so who else could know so much, and I would like to say a few words to describe him.  Honestly I would like to, but there are no words to describe him, well none that are suitable for this occasion. So being an older brother I have tried to teach him the best I could, I remember when we were young I was 14 or 15 and rob 10 or 11 taking him fishing and not getting home till nearly midnight, our mother screaming were the bloody hell have you been till this time, and as we older taking him another kind of fishing till the early hours, again our mother screaming were the bloody hell have you been till this time. But I must have done a good job as after a few attempts he managed to land a keeper in Angie. I also gave him advice at school though being honest following me might have been a hindrance as I remember him telling me on his 1st day at high school one teacher when doing the register and seeing his name, saying do you have a brother called James and when answering yes, groaned and told him to sit at the back of the class. I also recall his school report from religious education on answering a question on life after death he had answered that it was a very good album by Iron Maiden.  Now Robert was never into sports or much else, But I do remember he has always been interested in cars and how things work, I remember him always with our dad if anything needed fixing on the car, and being usually old bangers I recall that was quite often, and this passion he still as today, so if you need a good cheap mechanic you know where to go, I use him quite often, thanks Rob. Another of Rob's interests are aeroplanes, he will often be playing flight simulator games on the computer or watching plane crash investigation on TV, he considers himself quite an expert, in fact, believe it or not he as even taken flying lessons, so when a couple of years ago I bought Lewis a remote control plane for Xmas, not a small one I might add, it had over a meter wingspan. You might think this expertise would come in handy, Lewis like any boy with a new toy was excited to fly his plane and Rob like any good father was excited to fly his son's plane, sorry that should be, was keen to make sure all was well with it. So he assembled it all together and off they went for its maiden flight. Rob at the control was having a whale of a time, Lewis begging dad let me have a go, in a minute Lewis he replied, that minute never arrived as moments later Rob crashed it. He still blames a gust of wind and not pilot error, but as the black box was never recovered we will never know. If he does ever get his pilot's licence don't worry, as I have already contacted all the airlines telling them not to employ him for passenger safety reasons.  Now Robert will try his hand at just about anything he helped me quite a lot when fixing my old house, putting in new windows plastering and plumbing, though sometimes he would go a little over the top though like the time I had had a leak in the bathroom which cause a sag (nothing worse) so I asked his help along with Dad to take down and replace one corner of the dining room ceiling, I had to pop out to B&Q and when I returned there was Rob and Dad were covered in a 100 years of dirt and dust and the entire ceiling was on the floor, many things ran through my head such as Delboy and Rodney the tamest, but sure enough all was put right in the end.  So that leaves me to say only, thanks Rob for everything, Angie welcome to the family and thank you for all your help this year you have been amazing. Oh one last thing, I have to say how lucky you are Robert because you will leave here today having gained a wife that is attractive, smart, loving and caring. And, Angie how lucky you are, you leave today having gained [PAUSE – look at Robert] a new dress and a bouquet of flowers. SO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN IT GIVES ME GREAT  PLEASURE AND IMMENSE RELIEF TO SAY, PLEASE BE UPSTANDING RAISE YOUR GLASSES AND WISH THEM  ALL THE LUCK AND HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD I GIVE YOU THE NEW  MR AND MRS CROFT  ROB AND ANGIE