Speech by Jamie Richmond

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Jamie Richmond
Speech Date: Mar 2002
Good afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen

For those who do not know me, my name is Jamie and I'm the best man, not literally, just in title.

Firstly I'd like to agree with John that the bridesmaids do look beautiful and so does the bride. I'd also like to thank them for making today an emotional event – look even the cake is in tiers.

Secondly I'd like to say how lovely Kelly looks today in such a fabulous dress. John you scrubbed up nicely too today, its surprising what a flannel and a bar of soap can do.
However I think it's a bit of a cheek that you copied my outfit.

Now is time for me to tell you all, a little more about John.

I first meet John over 15 years ago; it was the first day of junior school and we both started two days later than everyone-else. The teacher decided to seat us both together at the back of the class, a decision that she later regretted. To say that we were a bit of a handful was an understatement. But from those special moments I knew then that John was going to be a great mate.

I particularly remember when John was asked to sit down by the teacher and upon doing so, he spilt his trousers from front to back, Lets all hope that it doesn't happen today.

John and I use to play football together when we were younger and as you can see how clumsy his is now, he not longer plays. I often thought that John must of have a problem with his maths as after seeing him in the showers, it a cured to me that it must be inches and millimetres. Our football manager once said, he was useless in every position, lets hope Kelly has more luck.

I do have many more stories that I could tell you, but none that would be suitable for today's occasion, so please come and see afterwards in the bar as I am open to bribes. Don't forget to use my full name – Jamie “fancy a drink” Richmond.

I was told that my job as best man would be very simple. I just had to get John here;

– ON TIME – which is a first
– SOBER – which is unusual and
– LOOKING SMART – which is unheard of.

I even looked at a checklist for things that the best man should do before the groom should walk down the aisle;

1. Help him dress – he should really be able to do that himself by now.
2. Made sure he used the toilet – I sent him there, but I wasn't going to make sure.
3. Made sure that his face and hair were ok – if God couldn't do it what hope do I have.
4. Made sure that there wasn't anything between his teeth – or was that his ears?
5. Made sure that his flies were done up – now that's when I gave up.

I thought that John might be a little nervous the night before his wedding, but he tells me that he had a couple of beers last night and then slept like a baby. He woke-up every half- hour crying for his mum.

On a more serious note I'd like to say.

Those of you who have known John long enough, will remember that he has not always be the well-behaved Son, his Mother and Father had hoped for. But this all changed when he meet Kelly and went on the have a Beautiful little girl Rosie (who I might add looks really cute today). This changed him in to a loving farther and a provider for his new family. So I guess what I'm trying to say is – well done Kelly.

I've got a few messages here from people who couldn't be here today they read:

To John
We could have been so good together
Britney Spears

Now I didn't know that you knew Hugh Grant – Kelly

To Kelly
Shame it didn't work between us,
However, if the roomers are true about John, ring me
Hugh Grant

John – This ones from your barber Julien.

To John
Hope you'll be letting your hair down today, as its your hair lets been letting you down for the last ten years.
Julien

Read correct cards

I'd just like to finish off by asking Kelly to place her right / left hand on the table. Now John can I ask you the place your right / left hand on top of Kelly's.
Dose that feel good, remember it, it's the last time that you'll be having the upper hand.

Thank you Ladies and Gentlemen

Can I now ask you to raises your glass to a toast to the bride and groom.

Bride and Groom.