Speech by Jason Brooks

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Jason Brooks
Speech Date: 20/06/2012 12:55:00

Good afternoon everyone. Just in case there is anyone who doesn't know me, I'm Jason and unfortunately I'm the best man.

When Hardy asked me to be his best man, my first thoughts were, what have I done wrong? But now we are all here, I have to say it's an honour. Before I start, I would like to say how beautiful Mary looks today. I would also like to compliment the bridesmaids on how lovely they look, especially Holly and Daisy, and how fantastic they have been in the build up to the wedding. (toast)

I would like to thank the ushers & John Lee for behaving…especiallyJohn Lee who didn't get in until four this morning.

So I would like to take this opportunity to formally congratulate the bride and groom on their special day. (toast)

So, it's 2012, the 31^th of May It really is a special day When Mary Ann's dreams come true When she and Hardy say I do So Mary's finally got her guy But most of us just don't know why Was it the dodgy back or black tooth that impressed her? Or the fact he's a dead ringer for Uncle Fester? And most of us don't understand her Falling for the Kung Fu Panda And if that wasn't enough of a sin She's only gone and married him! Mary, it's easy to miss after too many beers The lack of big toenails and sticky out ears But no matter how much ale that you sup He'll always look like the FA Cup! So it was in Bar None, they met at the start He said “I'm Italian”- it melted her heart He told all the lads she was all over him That she'd be lucky to date him but the chances were slim! Hardy's a babe magnet – how many girlfriends, let's see? Only one I remember, and that was big V! So with all that experience he knew what to do A weekend away – a dirty one too So of all of the places that Hardy could pick He opted for Bridlington – so stylish, so slick And this was a highlight to make you aware So sadly it's all been downhill from there! So it's taken some time to get him down the aisle Only ten years but that's Hardy's style He'll do anything for you if you are a mate Providing you have got six weeks to wait! And when I needed a house – he let me rent his For a lot less money – that's the guy that he is The rent was low and the heating was too It was less of a house and more an igloo! And after an epic night on the town Hardy's around and he won't let you down With a lift next day for Planty and me Even from different counties it's free But don‘t pick a fight whatever you do Planty did once and met a punch that he threw Was knocked of his chair with a bit of a crunch And that's why he's called Hardy puffy punch! And in Zante on scooters, his experience shows He anticipates corners and controlling them he knows He was full of advice to take care with no hitch But he gashed his leg driving into a ditch! He has been around, a man about town He says he was there at Black hawk down That's all I know and perhaps it's best If I leave Hardy to tell you the rest! He's sold dodgy cars and proofed buildings from fire And finally now has his heart's desire A firm of his own to run his own way But none of this stops him being grumpy all day! And if you ever ask how are you today? I'm tired and I'm busy is what he will say But by far and away his favourite phrase Is ‘Mary, Mary’ which he repeats in a daze! So Hardy we're glad you're finally wed To the beautiful Mary it has to be said And with Holly and Daisy and Coco those three Complete what's a fabulous family And the reason that he's getting married abroad Is he just couldn't face or even afford The big fat gypsy wedding that would happen at home! Coz the bridesmaids love grabbing and to the police are well known! So I wish you both well on this special day There's not much more I want to say I hope that this union will last forever So I toast your happy future together.

To Mary & Hardy (Toast)