Speech by Jason Knowles

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Jason Knowles
Speech Date: Feb 2002
Good afternoon ladies and gentleman, for those who don't know me my name is Jason and I've known Steve for about 16 years.

On behalf of Sue, Franchesca, Lucy and Georgia our bridesmaids I'd like to thank Steve for his kind words.
I think you'll all agree that they look lovely and have done a splendid job helping Lisa with todays arrangements.
Also I'd like to say that Lisa looks absoluteley stunning today as for Steve he just looks stunned.

In preparing this speech a wise old man told me it should last no longer than it takes the groom to make love.
Thank you all very much
(sit down)

It is nice to see you all today on this joyous occasion, I was expecting to see some of Steve's ex-girlfriend's here, Lisa told me however that due to the recent foot and mouth crisis most of them had been shot or incinerated.

As I mentioned I have known Steve for about 16 years, we met at the golf club became friends and as young lads do started going out and getting drunk together.

I remember one occasion Steve, Jordan and I were in B'ham slumped in a doorway waiting for the 3 o'clock bus.
Along came an officer of the law and asked us for our names, Jordan quick as a flash looked around at the shops and answered Austin, Austin Reed, I twigged and answered Mark, Mark Spencer. Then the officer turned to Steve and asked him his name, not wishing to be outdone Steve proudly said Ken. Ken what asked the rather annoyed copper, Ken Tuckey Fried Chicken.

All of you that know Steve know he has to have the best money can buy, be it clothes or golf clubs or whatever is trendy at the time.
About 10 years ago Steve had a state of the art pager that beeped when people called.
We were in the chip shop getting Steve his daily fix of Kebab and there was a small queue, behind us was a young lad and his mother. Steve's pager started bleeping loudly and a huge commotion broke out behind us the young lad was seen to push his mom out of the way screaming watch out mom that Fat Bloke is reversing!
One final story that sums up Steve (BL – Before Lisa) is when we went to Ibiza together, on the plane going Steve couldn't believe his luck. His seat was next to a beautiful Spanish lady. Being polite Steve asked her name, she looked down her nose at him and said Carmen because I like fast cars and faster men! Then there was silence, a couple of minutes later she turned to Steve and said what is your name. Steve just looked at her and replied lager tits!!

Obviously all of the above incidents are before Steve and Lisa met in sunny Turkey .
Since then Steve is a new man, he's joined a gym (although you wouldn't notice it) the happy couple have bought a house and Steves idea of a good night out is evening shopping at Ikea.

So he has certainly changed.

I would now like to read out a few cards and e-mails the happy couple have received.

1. Dear Steve, you've broke my heart we could have been so good together.
Dale Winton

2. I’ m sorry I couldn't make it things are a bit tricky at the moment
Osama Bin Laden

So if you'll all join me and charge your glasses to the most important people here today, without whom there wouldn't be such an occasion Ladies and Gentleman, The Bar Staff..

Finally on a serious note Ladies and gentleman a few wise words for Steve and Lisa.
You don't marry someone you can live with, you marry the person you cann't live without.

This is obviously true for Steve and Lisa so please all stand and join me in a toast.
To thank the special people who are the reason we are all here today special in all our hearts… The new Mr & Mrs Tarmey, Steve and Lisa