Speech by Jason Newling

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Jason Newling
Speech Date: 2002 nov
Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen,firstly on behalf of the bridesmaids I would like to thank Trev for his kind words, Im sure you will agree with me that they both look great.I would also like to thank him for giving me the honor of being his best man. Hopefully one day he could return the favor for me.But at the moment I am a single man because a week ago my girlfriend ran off with my best mate… I DO MISS HIM!
Anyway, as you can proberly tell by my shaking hands..i aint got a dwink problem…Im a little bit nervous.I was talking to mark earlier about this and he told me to imagine all of you naked(scanned around crowd and found the brides mother and rubbed my knees and said"Helloooooo Mrs. South).
Trevor…..tall, dark, handsome,soff sofff soffisti soffistica….Sorry bruv, cant read your writing.
Now, it is tradition for the best man to tell you all some dodgy stories of the groom and in this case my brother and my mate…well, mate for the next 3 or 4 mins anyway,.But firstly I would like to tell you a bit about his Life!
He was born
Grew up
And now hes married
On to them dodgy stories then!
Born on nov 26 1971 he was the first of 3 children of mum and dads to be born.Apparently they very nearly called him Friday….Because when the midwife handed him to mum she looked at dad and said" I think we should call it a day"
As a small child he didn't have many friends so my dad had to tie a bone around his neck just so the next door neighbors dog would play with him.
At the age of 7 he decided he wanted to become a cub scout. I used to share a bedroom with him and I remember him coming home and refusing to take his cub hat off so he slept in it.
well trev, lets see if it still fits (pulled out tiny hat and put it on him)

(at this point,unbeknown to me.my dad jumps up and says"when we were looking for trevs hat we also found yours" and slaps my old cub hat on me)
Laughter took a good 2 mins to die down!
Come on then dad.you can take over now if you think you are the funny one!

Anyway like i said earlier I used to share a room with him and i can still remember the trick he used to do with his woggle…(pulled out woggle and stuck little finger through it and held it near groin)
I am told that he still does the same trick today but obviously has grown a little.(pulled out a piece of drainpipe painted same colour as his woggle)

moving on to his school days now and I don't really want to bore you with loads of stories of the pranks he used to do so I found an old school report and I must say was quite impressed..TREVOR IS AN IDEAL PUPIL WHO EXCELS IN MOST SUBJECTS…..OH, SORRY, TREVOR IS AN IDOL PUPIL WHO IS EXPELLED IN MOST SUBJECTS..must get my eyes tested.
I remember my first day at school when the teacher would read the register and when they got to our surname would suddenly pause and look up and say"any relation to trevor" when i nodded and said yes..well,the look of shear terror on there face was a picture.
I fell sorry for our younger sister because she had twice the stick.
On leaving school he became a very keen footballer, so much in fact that he had trials in Germany………Oh sorry,he STOOD TRIAL IN GERMANY.
But I have sworn to him that I wont mention that this evening but Im sure if you see him at the bar later and give him a few thousand ciggies and a pocket full of 5ps he will fill you in!!!
(private gag between him and a few dozen mates)
In 1994 trev and myself spent 3 months traveling around australia.One day we booked ourselves into a 7 star youth hostel. When I say 7 star I mean that's how many stars we could see through the holes in the roof…So you get the picture..It was very cheap..
After a few beers one night we headed back to the room only to find a few mozis fly about.After a few failed attempts to squat the I gave up and thought if I get bit Sod IT.So just lay there on top of the bed with my shorts on. But Trev got in his sleeping bag and put a pillar case over his head leaving just the bridge of his nose showing so he could breath..In the morning I woke up with not a bite on me,but yeah you have guest it,Trev had 7 bites on the bridge of his nose…There was 1 then 2 then 1 then 2 then 1..he told me it was probably the same mozi doing hopscotch!!!!
Anyway,I must saythat his luck changed the day he met Gemela.
I knew things were serious between them when I heard him say them 3 little words to her one day……………..YES MY DEAR.…
I had a feeling something was playing on his mind, so confronted him and he told me that he was thinking about proposing to her. I said that she makes a nice spaghetti bolognaise and he said that that was no reason to get married.Then I said about her wicked sausage casserole,So they were to be married.
As you all can see from the pictures here this evening, the wedding took place a week ago on the beautiful Island os dominican republic in the Caribbean. It was a very special day.Certainly a day I wont forget.
So then. It just leaves me now to wish them both all the best for the future and a long and happy marriage and I hope that all their ups and downs are kept strictly between the bed sheets.
Could you all raise your glasses now for a toast to the new Mr. and Mrs. *******
To trevor and Gemela