Speech by Jeff Kenny

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Jeff Kenny
Speech Date: Aug 2001
Good evening Ladies and Gentleman.
On behalf of the bride & groom, I'd just like to thank everyone for coming and sharing their special day with them, particularly those who have travelled long distances. On behalf of myself, I kind of wished you'd all stayed at home and made my job a whole lot easier. Seriously though, It's really great to see you all here.

It's certainly been a glorious day so far, and I'm sure you'd all agree that seeing Mike and Laurie being united forever at the altar was a very emotional moment, even the cake is in tiers!

When I met with Mike this morning I asked him if he was a bit nervous the night before his wedding, but he tells me that he had a couple of beers last night and slept like a baby. Basically, he woke up every half hour crying for mum.

Now I'd just like to comment on how stunning the bride looks today, as well as the bridesmaids, and of course, the grooms party don't look to bad either…
I'd also like to point out the wonderful job Matthew & Stephanie have done as ring bearer and flower girl.

When I first agreed to be best man way back when, I was very touched and honoured that Mike had asked me, but those feelings have long gone out the window as I stand here terrified before you all.

This is my first experience in playing such a large role in a wedding and I appreciate Mike giving me the opportunity to make a fool of myself.
Since I really had no idea what exactly a best man should do or be responsible for I had to do a little research and I did come across a checklist of some of the things to do..

Apparently, before the groom went down the aisle, I should have:

Helped the groom get dressed – he should really be able to do that himself by now

Made sure the groom used the toilet – I sent him in there, but I wasn't going to make sure

Gotten him to the church on time – I guess that went ok.

Made sure groom's face and hair were in order – uh huh

And finally,

ensured the groom's fly was done up – that's when I realized maybe mom should have been the best man…

I've known Mike my whole life but when it came to sitting down and creating this speech it was quite challenging for me to come up with some good substance, so I thought of getting some visual help by asking Mom and Dad if they had any cute pictures of Mike when he was young and they said, no….…

Well, there was this little one of him lying naked on a sheepskin rug enjoying a bowl of ice cream. I was going to have the picture blown up to show you all, but then I thought it might be inappropriate since he was 21 at the time.

My time has flown by… It seems like only yesterday the days of growing up in Hamilton, playing out in the court, visiting the cousins, visiting the grandparents.

I can fondly recall our neighbor Zol playfully scraping a layer off Mike's scalp with his thumb, while calling him ‘mosquito’… by the way, Zol has offered to show anyone interested in this display of affection later…on Mike of course.

As far as younger years go with Mike

I remember way back, when Mike & I would play at the top of the stairs, and I'd pretend to fall down them and lie still until Mike would start crying and then I'd get up to show him I was fine, and he'd brighten right up, only to see me falling down once again, restarting the whole process over & over, always getting the same effect…I don't think I could've ever worn that trick out… you were a little slower back then Mike

But you've certainly sped up in the years to follow, especially in the teen years when Dad would start letting you borrow the car. Don't worry I won’ t even bother getting into that subject… I've got to leave for Nova Scotia on Monday.

Now, Mike has all grown up, but the silly stories don't get much different:

Recently, Mike decided to call in and try his luck on a contest offered by the local radio station.

The announcer briefed Mike with the task at hand. To call someone he knew and get them to say the word ‘vibrator’ live on the air without specifically telling this someone to say ‘vibrator’.

Now I would think that that in itself would be quite challenging. So who did he choose to call? A friend? a brother? no, why Nanny of course.

I guess he figured he'd save on the long distance charges, while at the same time possibly winning something. Smart thinking Mike… and I'm not sure how, but yes he did end up winning that prize.

I would now just like to address the issue of those that were unable to make it to Mike & Laurie's wedding for whatever reason…most were kind enough to send a card in return. I'll now take a few minutes to read them aloud:

Okay, this is the part where I'd like Mike and Laurie to participate in my speech. Laurie, If I can ask you to place your hand flat on the table.… Mike, it's now your turn. Place your hand directly on top of Laurie's…

Now Mike, please take a moment to basque in this, as it is the last time that you will ever have, the upper hand. Okay, that's good.

As I come to a close I would like to honestly say that I'm very happy for Mike and how proud I am to have him as a brother.

You're a very lucky man to have married Laurie. She deserves a thoughtful and loving husband, but thank God you got her first…

I'm also happy to say that we've gained another family member in Laurie…I think she's a wonderful woman, a breath of fresh air if you will, and seems to have the necessary skills to keep Mike in line.

So on that note, it gives me great pleasure ( not to mention relief ) to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a couple of toasts.

Firstly, to the parents of both the bride & the groom for doing such a wonderful job raising two great kids.

…and lastly, to Mike & Laurie, Mr. & Mrs. Kenny no less. We wish them well for the future, go forth & multiply!

Thank you