Speech by JOHN AMYS

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: JOHN AMYS
Speech Date: Oct2006
Ladies and Gentlemen: boys and girls &amp those who are only here for the free food, good evening and welcome to this Rob &amp Donnas special day.

For those of you who don't know me, my names John &amp I'm one half of the best-man setup. The other half is Wayne.…
The reason there's two of us is that Rob couldn't decide on one best-man so he opted for two halfwits instead.

I'd like to start by complimenting Donna on how amazing she looks today, as for Rob, what can I say..… we tried our best.

Now when I learned that I would be making this speech today I didn't exactly feel confident in doing so, so I turned on the computer &amp spent hours surfing the net &amp checking out many websites..… but when my eyesight started to go &amp my wrist began to ache I got back to researching the speech.

But anyway the reason we are all here today is to celebrate a marriage… pure &amp simple….… Donna's pure and Robs simple.

Now the main part of the best-mans speech is to give you lot all the embarrassing stories about Rob.… However despite knowing Rob for about 15 yrs now it has been a hard thing to do as he is a very clean guy… or as some would say a mummy's boy.

There was this one strange time though when Rob told me he'd been busy in his bedroom….alone, when he was stung by a wasp. Now any normal person would forget the wasp &amp tend to the sting..… Not Rob.

He managed to catch the wasp, glue it to his desk where he repeatedly stuck pins into it &amp burnt it with a lighter..… Sorry Donna I should have probably told you that one before today.

As well as practising voodoo on wasps he is also a keen fisherman and according to his wonderful mum, Kath, this started at a very young age. When Rob was about 5 yrs old he went on his very first fishing trip down to the canal, he had his little rod, his little net and a bucket. He actually did ok for his first trip and he came back with a bucket full of little sticklebacks. Unfortunately Robs mum didn't share his enthusiasm &amp quickly flushed them all down the toilet. Poor little Rob was devastated &amp cried his little heart out for ages. So in the end his mum had to go and buy him an ice-cream and all was soon forgotten. And from what ive heard it's still his most successful fishing trip to this day.

Those of you who have been unfortunate enough to be in a car with Rob will know its like going on the Nemesis at Alton Towers….backwards……after.5.pints……blindfolded! Personally I'd feel safer in a car with Richard Hammond driving. One of Rob's first cars was a little Metro and it was truly a danger hazard. I remember being a passenger when Rob went round a bend, my head would be out of the window at one side while my rear end would be scraping the road on the other side. Rob please don't treat Donna the same way you treated that car. Treat her like you would an Aston Martin.…
Go easy on the throttle,
Steady on the gears,
Treat her gently and she will last for many years.

Many of you will be aware that it wasn't really that long ago when Rob &amp Donna purchased their first house together. Now when they moved in it required a bit of DIY, and anyone who knows Rob will know he's no DIY king. However about 3 months after they moved in I asked Rob how the DIY was going..… and Rob assured me that him &amp Donna had been banging &amp screwing at every opportunity.

Rob truly is a lucky man today marrying Donna. She is a wonderful lady who deserves a good husband..… so I think Robs done a fantastic job at marrying her before she had the chance to find one.

Rob and Donna are, and I'm sure you'll all agree a wonderful couple, they compliment each other perfectly, they say love is like a lottery and I think Robs won the jackpot here with Donna.… Pity Donnas only won ٠ on a scratch card but there you go.

On a serious note I couldn't be happier for you Rob, you're a good friend who deserves all the happiness in the world. You're kind, easy going, up for a laugh, you have a big heart and I love you like a brother.
I would like to take this opportunity to personally wish you &amp Donna a long and happy future together, I would also like to thank you on behalf of me &amp Wayne for giving us the honour &amp privilege of being your best men. Thank you.

So without further ado … if you would all like to charge your glasses….…

HERES TO LOVE, LAUGHTER,
AND HAPPILY EVER AFTER,
AS ROB &amp DONNA START THEIR NEW LIFE,
PLEASE STAND &amp TOAST THE NEW HUSBAND &amp WIFE.

Ladies &amp gentlemen…..…

Robert &amp Donna!!