Speech by John Corr

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: John Corr
Speech Date: oct2002
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, for those who don't know me, I'm A's older brother J, – or better known as ourboy. As I'm sure you'll all appreciate, this is a really nerve-wracking experience for me. I'll confess to you now that this isn't the first time today I've stood up from a nice warm seat with some paper in my hand.
Now first of all, on behalf of the bridesmaids, I'd like to thank A and L for their kind words and I think everybody would agree that the bridesmaids, S and L and flower girl D look gorgeous and have done a great job today. And doesn't L look absolutely stunning – and as for A, well he just looks absolutely stunned!
I knew it would be difficult to follow a speech by my brother A, and I was right, I couldn't follow a bloody word of it. Its great being here today because after all these years, A has finally admitted that I am the Best Man, although I suppose I will have trouble proving it. It was a great honour for me when A asked me to be his Best Man – and he has assured me that if I do a good job today, then I can be Best Man at his next Wedding too! – Only joking L!
As best man it has been my responsibility to perform certain duties – like arranging the stag, and although that was a pretty successful trip I felt more like his mother than his brother on it. I watched him drink from a bottle, I watched him stagger around naked, I watched him crawl, I dressed and undressed him, I cleaned up after him, and several times I had to help him to walk.
Other duties included ensuring A's arrival at the church on time, minding the rings etc. etc. In addition I tried to ensure A got a good night's sleep, so we had a few pints last night after which he slept like a baby – he kept waking up every half hour crying for his mammy.
For those of you who have not yet had the pleasure of meeting A I will now give you an insight into the background of the man. I should really give you a list of As achievements but that would make the speech much too short.
A was born on the 9th October 1965, and is the younger of 2 boys. He was such an ugly baby when he was born that when the midwife handed him over to my parents she apologised.
A was nearly called Friday because when my parents saw him they reckoned that they had better call it a day.
A was a lethargic sort of a child, he took his time about walking and talking. He has pretty much caught up on the talking by now.
A suddenly became very sporty at school. Oh yes, he used to run to the sweet shop every day. We all became aware of his sporting talents at Infant School where he was twice a winner of the egg and spoon race. Although I believe he was always last in the sack race. Mind you, from what I've heard he's not improved much in the sack since.
A was quite good in school – one of his report cards reads that A was an ideal pupil and excelled in most subjects – Sorry that reads – A was an idle pupil and was expelled from most subjects. As you can see A is quite a big lad – mind you in his early teens A's idea of pumping iron was lifting a knife and fork.
In his later teens A went on to become one of the best sportsmen in our school. This carried on into his twenties where he represented our Rugby club with distinction. When I asked some of his old team mates what he was like at rugby they said that he was "useless in every position". So L no change there then.
A spent some time working in London where luckily he managed to pick up only one thing – his nickname HODDY for those who are interested. Eventually A returned to Ireland and to his true calling – his career in nursing. The invaluable training provided by the health board was to prove very effective in A's other career – that of night-club doorman. Yes it was at the door of the night club where A would forge a wonderful reputation for himself as a keeper of the peace. In addition it was there that he would meet some of his best friends – that's them squashed together at table 12. It was also at that night club that A met his future wife. L once said to me that when she first saw A that she thought he looked handsome from afar……….or was that far from handsome……….I can't remember! Anyway look where they ended up today.
And now to L. There are five words that describe L perfectly – beautiful, charming, delightful, enchanting and Satzenbrau. A you have fallen on your feet in marrying L. You have found someone who is beautiful, charming, funny, loving and caring and a match for you any day of the week. L you've found, well you've found A. Before I forget, I've got an email here for L "Dear L, Isn't it funny how history repeats itself? Years ago your Mum & Dad were putting you to bed with a dummy and now it's happening all over again.
As best man – and a happily married man myself – it's my duty to offer some advice to the happy couple today, A – whenever you have a ‘discussion’ with L always remember to get the last two words in….."Yes dear." And L remember that Men are like a fine wine, they start out like grapes and it is your job to stamp on them in the dark until they turn into something you would like to have dinner with. And now that A is finally married I can let him in on a little secret – have you heard of the three rings of marriage, the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffer ring.
And finally on behalf of the Bride and Groom I would like to thank everyone here for sharing their day, particularly those of you who have travelled long distances. I started planning this speech six weeks ago. By God it feels like I have been delivering it equally as long. But now it gives me great pleasure, not to mention relief, to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast to A and L, Mr and Mrs C no less. We wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long and happy marriage.
To A and L."