Speech by John McKenzie

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: John McKenzie
Speech Date: Mar 1999
Statistics prove that at least 50% of all people that get married at Easter are women…

I believe marriage is a wonderful thing… marriage will teach Damon loyalty, self restraint, control, it will develop in him a sense of fair play and many other qualities he wouldn't need if he had stayed single…

I'm John, Damons best man today and I'm going to briefly cover the history of the lovely couple during their courtship, engagement and lead up activities to today.… Eddie will cover off Damons earlier years…

So, first off I would like to give everyone that wasn't present a brief summary of the stag do – I know what goes on tour stays… etc… but I just want to share with you three very distinct stages I noticed Damon went through during the evening. These are stages we may in fact see again this evening…

#1: Early on Damon became very SMART. He suddenly became an expert on every subject in the known universe. He knew everything and wanted to pass on his knowledge to all that would listen.… He somehow avoided getting hammered during the paintballing… very smart… hiding in the womans toilet proved to be quite successful.

#2: The second stage I noticed as the evening continued was the GOODLOOKING stage. He realised that he was in fact the best looking person in the entire bar we were in and that all the woman fanced him (read some comments from the T shirt). He thought he could go up to anyone and that they would want to talk to him. Bear in mind he was still "smart" at this stage too, so could talk to anyone about anything and still be right…

#3: As the night wore on Damon suddenly became BULLET PROOF. He could do and say what he wanted – and wear what he wanted (pull out pink panties). Damon was out on the town after the go karting , paintballing and rugby wearing our Sponsors Tshirt, a condom tie as a headband with condoms suck in it. and to finish off the wonderful image he – or we – had painstaking created, he was wearing pink womans panties.… ….And loving it..… He just loves baby pink underwear..… He didn't care – he was smarter and better looking than everyone else anyway…

Early 1997 saw Damon Craig Dryden Sxxxx out road testing various models on Oxford Terrace during Friday nights…… complicated as it was he was committed to preformance testing all available makes and models.… One in particular caught his eye..… Cara Hxxxxxx

It would be fair to say that it was not all plain sailing – Cara gave whole new meaning to "playing hard to get" It would also be fair to say she washed her hair a lot in early 1997 – especially on Friday and Saturday nights.

But Damon, being the determined young man he is was not about to be put off – "it will be worth it " he would say..… he was a man determined to take up the challenge.…

After 121 excuses and reasons why she "just wasn't free tonight" Damon called one night and said – "I am arriving in 30 minutes. I am taking you out to dinner – I'm not taking no for an answer. See you soon"

As the telephone receiver went down in the Hxxxxxxx residence all hell broke lose and a female frenzy saw Cara ready herself for Damons arrival.

Cara's mum Aira (I-ra) just happened to be positioned at a window when Damon arrived. "Look, look" she cried out to Paul and Cara…"He's driving a big truck and you've got to see what he's wearing" Textile Man had arrived…

We all know about that impression thing – I think its made in the first 7 seconds – well Damon took 2 — his shiney black leather pants and big black boots were hard to miss.. "he;s a gang member" Aire thought.…

But once through intergation – Aire decided he was not a member of any local gangs and it was safe for Damon to leave with her daughter – out they went to Micheals resturant.… After a brief discussion with the doorman they did let Damon in.… But it still took time for Cara to make up her mind about Damon – and with good reason.

One of the first times I finally met the beautiful Cara I had heard so much about was when she picked up myself, Damon and Marty to take us to a Hollywood party.

Damon, again keen to make a good impression, left no doubts about his intentions when Cara picked us up as "Charlies Angles" Damon and I were arguing about who was Farah all the way to the party..… I had the longer blonder hair.…

Strangely Cara didn't accompany us to the party..…

Damon has a love of his toys.… He has all sorts of toys… but there is one in particluar that Damon and Cara enjoy together — the motorbike. What did you think I was going to say ?

Damon has a very cool motorbike – looks like something Fonzy would have been very happy with. Damon just loves getting on his bike, in his leathers and cruising out of the open road..… but I suspect one of the main reasons he got the bike was to get Cara into a full leather cat suit !

Damon is not too great with dates..… therefore whenever he can he plans important Events around easy to remember dates.… Wedding at Easter for example – just so he wouldn't forget.

Another example is the day he planned to ask Cara to marry him – he picked a "special place" high above Christchurch in the Port Hills – on a big rock was all I know as to its whereabouts… but he picked a date he would always remember – Waitangi Day, February 6 last year.

Damon was born on the 22nd of January 1969 – 1969 the year man walked on the moon, it was also the year test-tube fertilisation of human eggs was possible and it saw a Boeing 747 jumbo jet leave the ground for the first time.… Just some trivia I'd thought I'd throw in.…

He will also no doubt be pleased to know that he shares his birthday with Brooke Shields and Pamela Anderson – But that is all he'll ever share with them ! Damon and Cara make a wonderful couple – Barbie and Ken eat your heart out..…

But seriously, they do. Damon did the chasing – and chase he did. To this day Cara is not quite sure why she played so hard to get…Scared of the black leather pants I'd say…But I know that Damon and Cara will be very happy together, they share the same core values and principles and I am sure their relationship will continue to grow.

I am, as we all are , very very happy for the happyness they have found with each other…

I think the brides maids had performed their roles wonderfully today – I would like to thank Carolyn again for the sponsorship of the stag night – and they look wonderful and thoroughly beautiful, complimenting Cara so well.

And Cara – well, she looks absolutely radiant today – just great – words are hard to come by, they really are – that beautiful white dress is lovely..… you won't have any problem blending in with everything in the kitchen.

I would like to thank Damon for asking me to be his best man. It is truly an honour – thank you both for your friendship

Ladies and gentleman, I invite you to all stand and raise your glasses in a toast to Cara and Damon, the new Mr and Mrs Sxxxx. We wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long, happy and fruitful marriage. Damon and Cara..…

Damon, you are a lucky groom; you've married Cara today and she's smart, funny, warm, loving and caring, and she deserves a good husband – so thank god you married her before she found one !