Speech by John Mclean

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: John Mclean
Speech Date: sep 2003
Hello and Good afternoon to you and I'll echo the grooms words and also thank you all for coming here today, and for anyone here that doesn't know me, I'm John Dave's older brother and boy doesn't it show.

Well I guess this is the bit where a good day gets ruined, oh yes it's the best man's speech; a speech that was has used 6 pages that are now in the bin, and was still being changed up until last night.
Still I'm not going to get emotional about it, I mean even the cakes feeling sorry for me, look it's in tiers!
My theory is that being best man compares to being asked to sleep with the Queen, It's an honour but not something you really want to do.

As this is the first time I have ever stood up in front of a load of people before, I asked Sarah the bride how long this speech should take, she suggested that it should last for as long as it takes Dave to make love, so I'll be keeping this short and sweet.

Still I've promised them both that will be no sexual innuendos in my speech today, and if it does get just a little bit close to the mark I'LL WHIP IT OUT RIGHT AWAY!!!

So what can I tell you about the Groom my brother Dave? Well Dave is very intelligent, clever good looking and without doubt the greatest bloke I know, and I would, HANG ON DAVE UR SPELLING IS TERRIBLE!!

It was suggested that you find out a little bit of history at the time the groom was born, and in Dave's case that was 1970, Dave is footie fan and like myself follows Liverpool so I thought a bit of football history wouldn't go amiss, until I saw that Everton won the league that year and decided that it was as far as I was gonna go.

It's true to say that although he's quite a good looking chap now, he wasn't a very good looking baby, in fact mum didn't get morning sickness until after he was born, and then mum and dad were going to call him Thursday that's because when dad saw him he looked at mum and said “ lets call it a day shall we?”

Dave's first love was a spectrum 64 computer, anyone who's into computers will remember them, Dave would lock himself into his room for hours playing with himself.
Sarah tells me that to this day he still does play with himself, although he's been having a few problems with his floppy disc lately.

When Dave was starting out looking for work he went along to an audition for a group called the village people, but didn't get the job, and when you see him dancing to Y.M.C.A. later tonight you'll understand why.

Of course now that you're married Dave you'll have to make a few changes to your life, but if you want my advice you should treat married life like playing football.
Be fully committed
Try and score between the post's every Saturday
Change ends at half time
Of course Dave also likes playing snooker but I guess I better whip that out seeing that there's coloured balls involved.

A few things to remember about marriage Dave and here they are:
Never forget those three very important words
YOU'RE RIGHT DEAR
Also remember a man is incomplete until he's married, and then we is married he's finished.

On the more serious side of today is tell you what I really think of my little brother, Dave is top top man who I love dearly, the most annoying thing about him is that there is nothing annoying to tell you, there was once a film called weird science that was about 2 young lads who tried to make the perfect woman, If had that machine and made the perfect brother, it would be made just like Dave, and today I am so proud to be part of you and Sarah's very special day.
Which brings me to Sarah who looked stunning today, a loving and special person who I have known for a good 13 years, and after knowing Sarah when life has sometimes let her down and to be here and part of her special day also makes me very proud.

As Sarah's Dad John has welcomed Dave into the Benny family I would on behalf of the McLean family would like to welcome Sarah to our family, and may I say how proud we are to have you as member.

And before we toast the bride and groom and would like to tell David and Sarah how lucky they are to have each other, Dave you have a loving, caring gorgeous bride in Sarah, and Sarah you have…well Dave, you can't both have it all.

It gives me great pleasure and great relief to ask you all to participate in raising your glasses please to the Bride and Groom… SARAH AND DAVID MCLEAN!!!!