Speech by John Murray

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: John Murray
Speech Date: Jan2007
Good afternoon,

I'm John and I am Mark's Best Man and pretty nervous about making this speech .

When preparing this speech, a friend told me,
It shouldn't last any longer, than it takes the Groom to make Love.

So thank you very much! Sit down

Firstly, I'd like to raise a toast to absent loved ones,
who we wish could be here, to share this very special day.
“Raise glass and say” “To absent Loved One's”

May I start by:

thanking Mark on behalf of the Bridesmaids’ for his kind words?

And compliment Jenny on how amazing and Stunning she looks today.

As for Mark, well what can I say, we tried our best.

I met and became good friends with Mark 14 years ago when working at Inter Group communications.

Where he still very happily works to this day Look at Mark.

How they met

However having the pleasure of working with me at Inter Group is nothing compared with the fact that this is also where Mark and Jenny met.

By this time I'd left the company and every time I spoke to Mark, It was Jenny this and Jenny that, well as you can imagine it became tedious after a while.

Well anyway Mark told me he was going to impress her at a works Christmas do, he hired out a White Dinner suit especially to catch jenny's attention.

“Look at Jenny”,

Jenny what did you think of your own personnel James Bond?
And how big was his Gun?

Mark later said to me that Jenny likes White Jackets that much,
that he had to cancel the milk man

Well he did catch the girl of his dreams and they now have 2 Beautiful daughters Molly and Kayla.

When I was researching this speech, I read that marriage is a 50/50 partnership. I hope you realise that anyone who believes that, knows very little about women….or fractions!

Mark and Jenny do seem to have a caring / sharing relationship. They compliment each other well in life's daily chores…..…

Jenny cooks/ Mark eats
Mark drinks/ Jenny drives
Mark makes a mess/ Jenny clears it up.

….what a great team!!

Who's Bestman

They say that being asked to be the best man is very much like being asked to make love to the Queen.… a great honour, but no one really wants to do it.

Seriously though when Mark asked me to be Best man I honestly didn't really want to do it as I was worried about this bit,THE SPEECH. Mark then asked Andy. Just to explain to everybody Myself, Mark and Andy all worked together at Inter-Group.

However, Andy also declined after 2 weeks of sleepless nights,

Look at Andy, Could you give everyone a wave Andy?

So thanks mate I've had the last 6 months of sleepless nights.
By the way you owe me a good few drinks later?

But now I am up here, Mark it's a great honour to be your best man.

Stud Machine

I've been told by many people that whatever I say in this speech I should NOT mention any old girlfriends, but to be honest with you, all the weekends we did go out clubbing, Mark couldn't pull a smile let alone any women.

To illustrate this I'll just show you what Mark would were when we went out.

“Show the waistcoats to Everybody”

If that isn't bad enough he also had a pony tail.
So these maybe why he didn't have much success.

Oh and I would also just like to mention how generous Mark is with his money. He is the only man I know with “Short arms and deep pockets”.

When we were out with the lads,Marks favourite drink was Vodka and Horlicks,

As he always seemed to be asleep when it was his round!

Sporty Mark

Now we get to Marks sporting achievements.

Myself and Mark play snooker most weeks and I would say over the years I win more than him.

Mark, I've got you a present that might help you next time we play.
Give him a present with some BIG Glasses in.

Jenny also lets Mark out on a Sunday to play football.
His team mates have told me that he shaves his legs before games.
“Is that true Mark”?

Lastly, Mark thinks he is the new Michael schumacca of go kart racing, So I booked us onto an endurance race as part of his stag do.
There was 13 teams competing, Mark and I were in different teams.

Well, When we took our turns in the race, his team was in 1st place and my team was in 3rd.

Mark would like you to accept the trophy that your team won. Take trophy over Mark or ask Andy too.

Mark can you please tell everyone were your team finished?

What happened Mark ? Your team was in first place when you took your turn. Look at Mark

Just let everyone know, this is my teams Trophy, and Yes my team won.

Mark, I've got new name for you, when it comes to go-kart racing, your not Michael Schumcaer but driving Miss Daisy.

On a more serious note I would like to thank Mark for being great friend to me over the years and one of the nicest lads anyone could ever meet.

Finally it gives me great pleasure to invite you all to stand.

Wait for every one to stand up

Please raise your glasses to Mark and Jenny, the new Mr and Mrs Rimmer.

Thank you!