Speech by John O’ Callaghan

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: John O’ Callaghan
Speech Date: Jun2006
Bride & Groom Entrance:

Ladies and Gentlemen: please be upstanding for the bride and groom – Mr & Mrs O'Callaghan

Thank you, I would now like to call on father _______________ to say grace.

After the meal

Ladies and Gentlemen, if I could have your attention for a moment, [pause] thank you.

I hope you enjoyed that fantastic meal and that all of you are content and full.

I know you will all have enjoyed the meal, so please join me in a round of applause for the staff here and in the kitchens. [applause]

Now we are coming to the main part of this evening, the speeches! You may have spotted a few very nervous faces up here [main table]. If you have, then you know who will be giving a speech.

Without further delay, please put your hands together for the father of the bride, Willie.

Father of the bride speech

Thank you Willie. We have now come to the speech I know a lot of you have been waiting for. I hope your glasses are all full, because we all know how he likes to go on. Please welcome the groom.

Pauls speech

Thank you Paul, I think you have surprised us all there, in all the years I have known you, I don't think you have ever come to the point so quickly!
This is the part of the evening I have been looking forward to; I now, for the first time in 29 years have my chance to have the last word on Paul.

Firstly I would like to thank Paul for his kind words about the bridesmaids. I have to agree that they look absolutely wonderful, and have done an excellent job today in getting Phyllis ready and to the church on time. From what I hear she put up quite a fight!

PHYLLIS : obviously goes without saying you look fantastic ……..thanks for coming.
Also I would like to thank Phyllis and Paul for the lovely gifts, but I must let you know they will not work as a bribe. Perhaps you should have waited until the speeches were over before giving them out.

As many of you may know if you have ever had the honour of being the best man, there are loads of books and websites not to mention people willing to offer advice. Most agree that the best mans main duty is to get the Groom to the church on time.
There are wrong, the most important duty is to make sure you bring the rings. There was no way I was going to fail, so I came prepared for every eventuality [open jacket loads of rings sown onto felt and pinned into jacket]

When I was putting pen to paper to come up with a few words about Paul, I wrote a list of stories which I would like to tell. I then went through and crossed out any that may, get him in trouble with Mum and Dad, or with the police, but most importantly any stories that may get him in trouble with Phyllis had to go. That doesn't leave a lot to work with. But if anybody would like to buy me a pint of Guinness at the bar later, I may be persuaded to tell.

I should tell you about Paul's feminine side, I wonder how many of you knew that Paul could sew. Such an avid seamstress that he managed to break mums sowing machine while working on one item. He was trying to make a seat belt for the FIAT. Needless to say it was the last item he made.

Paul has always been willing to try things himself before reading the instructions, paying a professional, or just buying the correct item.
One memory that always sticks in my mind, was the time he decided he would like to take up wake boarding, similar to snowboarding except it is done behind a boat. Once again no point in buying the correct equipment, when Paul could make it! So he fashioned the board out of some plywood, but don't worry he varnished it so it would last in the water! And added some foot straps.

The tow rope was ingenious, some standard blue rope from the hardware shop, run through thick bamboo to make the handle. Paul was chuffed to bits with his own initiative, and one weekend we went to Dunmore East to try it out. Dad was driving the boat; I was keeping an eye on Paul and passing on the instruction to Dad. He started up slowly enough the for first few times but Paul didn't manage to get upright. He decided he needed to be going faster, so we obliged. The bamboo handle snapped ! Most people would think, that maybe now would be a good time to invest the £20 on a proper ski rope but , no Paul had a better idea. He would wrap the rope around his right wrist and that would be fine.

So we set off again, building up speed, Paul leaning back, and we get the sign to go quicker. So dad does. Paul falls forward , the board is attached to his feet causing a lot of pull, stretching him between the boat and the board. All he can do is use his left hand to try and swim to take the strain off his arm. I shouted up to dad “ I think he wants to stop”, dad looks back and says “ah no he is telling us to go faster” and so did.
After a few moments it became apparent that this was not working, so we stopped the boat. When Paul finally finished coughing up the sea water, I remember a few colourful words being used to asses the situation.

I have recently noticed that, there does not seem to be any sign of any handmade equipment on the boat these days. Maybe he is learning, he can't do everything better!

On a serious note, I am so happy for Paul and Phyliss today. I have seen how suited they are for one another over the years they have been together. I truly realised how much Phyllis and Paul mean to each other when we went white water rafting in Australia a few years ago. Upon reaching the first patch of white water, Phyllis falls in. I too am nearly submerged head first, only not by rocky water, but by Paul as he hurls himself across the raft and pulls Phyllis out of the water.
There has been a lot of work put into arranging this day, and I would like to take this opportunity to thank Phyllis for all her hard work. Let's be honest we all know who did all the hard work.

Recently I heard something which I think Paul will, find to be very true;

“ Marriage is a partnership between a man and a person who is always right”

As with many occasions, no matter how much you want your close family and friends around, not everybody can make it for different reasons. I have taken a selection of cards and messages from several people here, which I would like to read :

Read a few cards,

Before I finish up I would just like to leave you Paul with a thought :

Do you know what the meaning of honeymoon is? No ..… well it's the holiday a man takes before he starts work for a new boss. So I hope you enjoy it.

Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding to toast the bride and groom – Mr and Mrs Paul O'Callaghan.