Speech by John, Paul McSorley

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: John, Paul McSorley
Speech Date: Jul2007
Ladies and gentlemen,friends and family,first and foremost i would like to take this oppotunity to thank everyone for joining today in the celebration of trona
And colins wedding.

In all honesty,i am actually a little bit nervous doing this, but i feel a little bit comforted by the fact i have already rehearsed this speech in front of a live
Audience,yes it was the local geriatric nursing home and i do think it went really well.they all pissed themselves anyway.

For all of you who dont know me my name is paul and it is with the greatest of honour for me to be asked by colin to be his best man and i thank you colin.

For all of you who i am sure that i will meet at the bar later on in the evening,i do like to be addressed by my full name and i would appreciate it,if you could use it my full name is ”paul want a pint”

My wife is also here today, but she chose to use her maiden name ”yvonne want a tenner” so please feel free to approach us at the bar later on thankyou.,

I have heard whispers that you have been taking side bets on how long the best mans speech will be,i put a tenner on 2hr 40 mins so please everyone make youselfs comfortable.

Everyone here has spoken about the blushing bride and i am no exception.trona you look absolutely amazing.both beautiful and radiant,a picture of perfection.

And colin words do escape me,but honestly ladies and gentlemen,we truly did try.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank the bridesmaides yvonnenicola,diahan and jordan,who you will all agree look absolutely wonderful and who have done an excellent job in accompaning trona through this happy day.

Not forgetting the pageboy also jordan thankyou jordan.

I would especially like to say a big thankyou to the reverend janice gourdie on such a wonderful ceremony ,even more so made special,heartfelt and emotional being that she is tronas auntie.

We all know that no wedding would be complete without the cake and all the thanks go to christine,colins mum for making such a beautiful cake thankyou christine.

I would like to start with a few people who quite frankly have had it easy today,all they had to do was stand around pouting and looking very very pretty.yes it is worth saying that they have spent a lot of time on their hair and make up and their outfits,

Ladies and gentlemen i give you the ushers kieren eli osian and robert.

During my research on the internet into the best mans role,i also looked into weddings in general.i looked at the three key elements of the wedding service itself.

The aisle— it is the longest walk you will ever take
The alter– the place where two become one
The hymm– the celebration of marriage

I think trona did the same research as i did,because as she walked by me,im sure i heard her whispering to herself,aisle,alter,hymm,aisle,alter,hymm etc

I have managed to obtain some of colins old school reports,they all tell a story.

Colin was an ideal pupil who excelled in all subjects
Sorry that should be colin was an idle pupil who was expelled from most subjects.

Geography—-colin is the only one in the class who thinks ellesmere port is a fine table wine.

Religious education—-colins understanding of christianity is very limited,so much so he still believes the book of genesis was written by phil collins.

Colin could you please put your hand directly on top of tronas
Does that feel good mate,make the most of it
Because it will be the last time you will ever have the upper hand again.

Now personally i wouldnt say colin was an ugly baby,but christine his mum told me she only got morning sickness after he was born

Colin truly is a lucky man today,trona is such a beautiful and wonderful person and yes she does deserve a great husband.well done colin,you married trona before she had the chance to find one.

I dont really know if i am supposed to share this but i can still remember colin talking to me about his first experience with a female,he still maintains that he was only helping that sheep through the fence.

Actually you know while enjoying the service today,i couldnt help thinking to myself that it is funny how history has a habit of repeating itself.

In that i mean it was only 23 years ago that tronas parents were putting her to bed with a dummy and here they are again today.

On a more serious note,i have known colin his whole life and what started out as uncle and nephew grew into something more than that,we now share a bond that is unbreakablewe are in each others lifes on an almost day to day basis.

He is a great guyand i am very happy to have colin in my life and as i have said before,it really is an honour one that i do cherish to be here today as colins best man his uncle and also as a true friend cheers colin.

I would also like to take the opportunity to say a big thankyou to the parents of trona and colin.

Christine,bob,laura and dave with whos support and love made this celebration possible,i give you the parents.

Im sure you will all join me in thanking the catering staff and the bar staff who have done a wonderful job.

One of my last duties before we toast the happy couple is to read the cards

Sorry we couldnt make your big day but we are working 24/7 hope you keep up your monthly subscription colin all the best playboy.etc

Thankyou ladies and gentlemen if i have managed to miss anyone out i do apologise feel free to pull me at the bar but remember to use my full name

Now a few words to the bride and groom
I am very happy for the both of you and i know you will have a beautiful life together,this is only day one of the start of your big adventure,stay true keep it real,take care and enjoy.

It now gives me immense pleasure not to mention relief to invite you ladies and gentlemen to stand and raise your glasses to the bride and groom

the new mr and mrs mcleod

thankyou one and all enjoy the rest of your day.