Speech by John Reid

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: John Reid
Speech Date: May2007

Best man speech
In fact I'm actually quite nervous right now, although not as nervous as Elvys was earlier this afternoon…………here you are mate you left this in the bottom of your toilet………… Produce brick and hand to Elvys
Ladies and Gentlemen, for those of you who don't know me, and if you see me standing at the bar later or the rare occasion when I go to the pub, my full name is &quotJohn what r u drinking&quot……
When I was asked to be the best man, there were a lot of things I wanted to say like how honored and humbled I felt and totally flattered and appreciated that I was one of many that could have been selected for the role.
As time went on, the enormity of what had been bestowed upon me became a horrible realization with the organising of the stag do, and the speech needed writing and the words I wanted to say changed from sentimental ones, to 4 lettered ones then having to present the speech to an audience considered to be the most daunting task of all
I remember the last time I had to stand up in front of a room full of people.
All I had to do was say 4 simple words
So I stuck my chest out, raised my head and said with pride and dignity …… Not guilty your honor.
But know, it's a real honour to be Elvys's best man, …….and he's assured me, That if I do a good job today I would be best man at his next wedding !!
I'd like to start by complimenting Cheryl on how amazing and gorgeous she looks today an absolute stunner, as for Elvys, what can I say..… We tried our best.
It is with great pleasure that I get to thank the Bridesmaid Leanne, and the page boy young Wihere I think you will all agree they look fantastic and have done an excellent job of helping make today such a great occasion.
I understand Elvys looks up to me..… For 2 reasons..… One is that he is shorter than me secondly if you take a closer look he dresses just like me.
I've known Elvys for about 10 years from working together which started back in Rotorua and we became very good friends. I remember some of the work mates or Bro's as Elvys would put it, referred to him as a magician or even Houdini……
When work was to be done he does a great disappearing act…………….…
If he did any work at all it was bloody amazing and required a round of applause.

Elvys moved to Auckland approximately 5 – 6 years ago and I moved up a couple of years later. I remember seeing Elvys walking through Botany town centre one day and as he approached people coming from the opposite direction and for some reason they would take a tighter grip of their handbags, purses or wallets, or crossed the road to avoid him.
Anyway going back to his childhood I have it under good authority that Elvys was not a pretty baby…
His mother didn't get morning sickness until after he was born.
Elvys was actually a slow starter at Preschool he was different from all the other 5 year olds…hat's because he was 11.
I also heard that when his parents were asked what they thought Elvys would be when he finally left school they replied &quotabout 30&quot!
So it's fair to say that education wasn't Elvys's forte, however, he did excel at sport such as Touch rugby, cricket, indoor netball and Frisbee throwing. Showing a great pair of hands with the ability to catch anything thrown at him, this will come in handy when pots and pans come flying in his direction.
Rugby also features in Elvys's life and I have had the pleasure or misfortune of playing along side with him and like school it was not his forte because he couldn't tackle to save himself and of injuries he sustained over the years.

I'd like to mention Elvys's good points.
Elvys is Friendly, carming, charing, trusting and good lucking …..… Look at Elvys
“Sorry mate I can't read your handwriting”
I remember the night Elvys first met Cheryl which was at an Irish bar in Ponsonby. We had been in there for about half an hour and Elvys disappeared for a while, on his return I questioned him on where he was. He replied Talking to this blonde chick over there and pointed in the direction only to see about half dozen women standing there. It wasn't long after that I said lets move to some where else, he said yep hold on, so he disappeared for 5 minutes and returned and said yep we're off.
As we were walking down the streets of Ponsonby and half way down the road I looked behind to see this blonde women following about 10 meters behind stumbling and staggering all over the footpath. So when we arrived at the next bar Elvys had to excuse himself as he needed to go to the toilet only to never see him again for the rest that night and here we are today.
I asked Cheryl's Mum this morning how it feels to see her daughter get married, and she said “it only seems like yesterday that she was going to bed with her dummy”….… Funny how history repeats itself.
I know the groom is now in safe hands with his new wife who
will no doubt love him and treat him as a good wife would do?
I understand Cheryl cooks, cleans and wants to have many babies….What else could a man ask for.

I'd just like to say, Elvys, you are a lucky groom – you've married Cheryl, who's beautiful, smart, funny, warm, loving and caring, and she deserves a good husband. So thank God you married her before she found one.

On a more serious note, Elvys, we have had some excellent times together and I know that we will continue to do so in the future, as long as Cheryl allows it. You have been a great friend to me over the years and I know how happy Cheryl makes you. When I see the 2 of you together you can see the spark that lights up your lives and there could not have been a better match than what I see here today..… It truly is a great honor to be your best man.…

With these final words
“To keep your marriage brimming in the ever-loving cup-
Whenever you're wrong – Admit it
whenever you're right – SHUT UP.

Could I please have everyone upstanding and charge your glasses to the newly weds:
&quotMay your love last forever and may you have enough kids to throw Frisbees.&quot