Speech by John Stanley

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: John Stanley
Speech Date: oct 2002
Good evening everybody.
As most of you know, I'm —‘s brother John, and tonight Mathew, I'm going to be the father of the bride. As the father of the bride, I get to make the first speech, and after consulting an awful lot of wedding internet sites, I'm going to try and get everything in the right order. Also, compared to the best man's speech, as I understand I get the easy job, because I don't have to try and make you all laugh.
First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for coming, some of you have come a fairly long way. I think everyone would agree that today has been an excellent success, and that —- has made a superb job of planning the wedding, in truly astonishing and stylish detail in this excellent choice of venue. I particularly think the milling about mentioned on the wedding invitation stroke rave flyer was conducted to the highest standards. I am lightly annoyed that the wedding presents have been forgone in favour of cash, as I was itching to buy a cruet set, despite the fact that I don't even know what a cruet set actually is. If anyone fancies enlightening me after the speeches please feel free.
At this point I am supposed to come up with amusing stories and remarks about watching my daughter grow up, and bring up a mildly amusing or embarrassing incident from her past, but as I am the brother of the bride rather than the father, and more to the point she has got an awful lot more on me than I have on her, I think it would be better to skip that. I will tell you a short story. One thing not all of you know is that seven or so years ago —- and I shared a flat together literally down the street, at number 20. I was in my second year as a student just as —- was starting at her current job, and she was as professional and organised as I was lazy and generally student-like. As you can imagine, it didn't work out too well and she deservedly threw me out at the end of the year. She forgave me for her having to kick the door down one night when I had drunkenly locked it, and forgave me for breaking her bedroom window after locking myself out, although she never forgave me for by far my worst crime, which was the fact that I never did the washing up, which as everyone who has shared a house with somebody knows, is the one crime that can never be forgiven. —-‘s fastidious attention to social and domestic detail is something many of you know about, and I am always staggered at her extraordinary energy for organisation and planning and her tenacity with dealing with life. Despite the fact that my washing up skills have now improved enormously I often wish I had many more of her traits.
As for —- I am afraid I can no longer recall the exact moment when I first met him (although —- tells me it was in a basement in Jermyn Street), but I remember him from the start as enormously good fun, sharp, witty and as many of you know, a truly extraordinary cook, which I understand runs in the family. At one of the spectacular meals I attended at their house, someone here who shall remain nameless once cheekily asked if the lamb recipe was ‘out of Nigella’. —-‘s reply that it was his own modification of a recipe out of a 1930s Italian cookbook he picked up on his travels shut everybody up extremely quickly.
I would particularly like to welcome —- and —- , —-‘s parents, whom I am looking forward to getting to know a lot better along with many others here today. Thank you all again for attending this wonderful occasion; it is sad that not every grandparent could be able to see this day, but I know they would all be very happy to see it.
OK, I know that —- and (best man) are itching to make their speeches, so I'd better stop. I would like to finish my father of the bride bit by saying that I'm pleased because I'm not so much losing a sister as gaining a brother-in-law. Ladies and gentlemen, a toast to the bride and groom.