Speech by John Wilkinson

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: John Wilkinson
Speech Date: Mar 2001
We are all very happy for Neil and Takako. But no two people are happier about these two wonderful people finding each other than my buddy John and myself. Because John and I – over the past 6 or 7 years when Neil first arrived in America from England – had the responsibility of being his family away from home. We are his host family. Neil arrived with only a suitcase. He had no culture. And only a rudimentary grasp of our language. We have worked to help Neil overcome these obstacles. Seeing Neil and Takako together is the crowning achievement of our efforts. It is a proud day for both of us.

We've had to teach Neil quite a few important details of American life. That you only say “Cheers” if you're holding a drink. That only Santa Claus is “jolly good.” And – for that matter – his name is Santa Claus and not Father Christmas. And so on.

But any cultural exchange is a two-way street – or, if you prefer, a dual carriageway – and one of the cultural lessons that John and I have learned from Neil's British tradition, is that when a guest is asked to speak at a wedding reception – he is not required or even expected to be kind. John and I have decided to embrace this tradition. But we do it in the spirit of friendship and love.

For as long as we've known Neil, he's been in search of a woman. And Neil's main weapon in this crusade is his sense of humor. John and I have learned that what's funny in Britain may not translate as well here in the US. For years, Neil's favorite joke was the riddle “What's red and green?” The answer: “A frog in a blender.” And Neil never failed to follow that joke with a hearty laugh. No matter how many times he heard it – and no matter how bewildered his audience, Neil always found it delightfully funny. And this joke lasted for several years. It lasted, I'm afraid, from 1995 until it finally died out in the fall of 1998. Only to be replaced with other jokes of equal caliber. With his arsenal of humor, it was only a matter of time before he found a woman as wonderful as Takako.

In his search for women, Neil did what any self respecting computer programmer does. He turned to the Internet. We've all done it. He was a master of the online chat. Many times John and I would call Neil and he'd be distracted and incoherent. Eventually, Neil would confess, “Hey, Man. Can I call you back? I'm chatting online with a woman in Budapest.” Once I came over to Neil's house – on our way out for dinner – only to be delayed by another online chat. It went on for another hour. When I finally became too hungry to wait any longer – I suggested that Neil tell her that “Frog in a Blender” joke. And – as you might expect – we were eating just a few minutes later. So far as I know, Neil never met any of these women that he chatted with. Which means, so far as Neil knows, they weren't really women.

But despite these quirks – and, of course, quite a few others – Neil is one of the most generous, kindest, and thoughtful friends that we have. And we are very grateful… [Confused look at my notes. “I'm sorry Neil. I'm having trouble reading your writing”] … for his friendship.

Neil, thank you for bringing Takako into our lives. She's a wonderful addition to our circle of friends. We are very proud to know her. And Takako, I have never seen Neil so happy since the last several years when you've been around. The two of you make a great team. Takako is smart and pretty and talented. And Neil's good at installing modems.

Please, everyone, join John and me in toasting to Takako and Neil and wishing them a happy and everlasting marriage.