Speech by Jon Mundy

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Jon Mundy
Speech Date: dec 2003
Best Man's Speech

Good Afternoon,
Rev. _________________ , Ladies & Gentlemen,

As Henry the 8th said to each of his wives, I won't keep you long!

On behalf of the bride and groom I would like to thank everyone for coming, I'm sure you will all agree that this is turning out to be a fabulous event. I must say it's been a wonderful day and a very emotional wedding; even the cake is in tiers!

I must say I was a little worried in making this speech today, until I saw your faces and realised that you are all like me, Drunk.

Seriously though I was both delighted and honoured to be chosen to be Paul's best man, though I must confess to being a little nervous as I stand before you, indeed I can tell you this isn't the first time today I have got up from a warm seat with a few sheets of paper in my hand!

So Paul and Joanne have finally got married, for better or worse, which is quite appropriate as Paul couldn't have done any better and Jo couldn't have done any worse.

I must say that Jo looks absolutely stunning, and as for Paul he looks absolutely stunned! No Paul looks the part even though he has copied my outfit.
As the best man, I have to make sure that the groom arrives at the church on time, sober, and looking good, well 2 out of 3 isn't bad. After all look what I have to work with. I'm best man, not a magician!

I would like to thank the bridesmaids for firstly performing their role so gracefully, and for looking fantastic throughout the day. Also how they complement the bride who, I think you'll all agree looks beautiful.

I'd like to congratulate the bridesmaids for doing such a great job in making sure that Jo went against her better judgement and didn't change her mind. Thanks also to the ushers who have done a great job ushering people.

It was a few months ago now that Paul asked me to be his best man. I'm not quite sure what that says about his decision-making skills. But it's been a great honour to play this role today. In fact Paul has assured me that if I do a good job today, then I can be Best Man at his next wedding too…only joking Jo!

I asked his Mum if she had any cute photos of Paul to show everyone here today. There was this one of Paul lying naked on a sheepskin rug, in front of the fire, eating a chocolate biscuit and dribbling. I was going to bring it to show you all, but I thought it might have been too embarrassing, as he was 21 years old at the time!!

I'm going to take a little time to talk about Paul's previous loves. He met a nice little blond called Stella early on in life and was smitten, but they soon parted company due to their differences. Paul then went through his experiment stage with Jack Daniels and Johnny Walker but it was always going to be a rocky relationship. He moved to Sherry but once again it never lasted.

I've known Paul, or ‘Pray’, since 1995, when he joined St. Martins from Brentwood School. It was then really that a whole group of us became good friends, whilst studying GCSE Technology. That good friendship still remains today. I didn't know what to make of him when he came to St.Martins – ex public school that read ‘The Economist’ for fun??! Still, we all did a great deal of growing up in those days!! We had some great nights out and I know that we all look back at those times with fond memories!!

When I got to know Paul much better, I realised some of the hedonistic activities he enjoyed when he was younger. He had 2 passions in those days, Rallying and Drinking. It is fitting that I can give you an example of Paul managing to combine the two!

It starts with the Groom here experimenting with Scotch whiskey with his friend Daniel at the tender age of 15 one evening at Paul's house when they should have been concentrating their efforts on History coursework. At the same time they decided that taking Sue's Fiesta for a drive around Hutton Mount was a good idea!

After Daniel had rolled the car off the driveway (don't forget how steep it is!) they realised that neither of them could actually drive!
So, they decided to try and put the car back in its same position on the drive so that no-one would know what they had been up to. After a failed attempt at trying to drive it back, with numerous times at stalling and revving the hell out of it, they decided the best option would be to push it back up the driveway. With No luck.

Instead, they managed to bump it up onto to the grass. Pray then jumped behind the wheel and managed to get the car going forwards. Then disaster struck, crashing straight into Rogers rally car- a cherished classic- On the driveway; the force of the impact interlocking the twisted metal together! The next day Sue and Roger got the wing replaced and Paul got his pocket money stopped for the year!

We hoped that his time at Uni would allow him the time to mature into a sensible adult. He certainly did that by doing Economics and making some good friends.
It was at Royal Holloway University where he met Jo. They hit it off straight away and never looked back. I remember how impressed I was when I first met Jo, she is a very attractive girl with a great sense of humour.
It was apparent to me very early on that Paul and Jo were destined for great things together and was not in the least bit surprised when they got engaged…they are truly made for each other.

It is with many thanks to the people who have travelled great distances to be here today to share in Paul and Joanne's special day. There were however a number of people who couldn't make it today but want to extend their best wishes to the bride and groom.

(Telegrams etc)

Jo, Please remember, Men are like fine wine, they start out like grapes and it is your job to stamp on them in the dark until they mature into something that you would like to have dinner with!

Pray, Women on the other hand are also like a fine wine; they start out fresh, fruity, and intoxicating to the mind. Then they turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary, eventually giving you a headache!

Seriously though, this is a piece of advice that most of the married men in this room will have learnt themselves, the best way to remember your wedding anniversary… is to forget it first time around.

And, perhaps the soundest advice of all, remember always the three little words that women like to hear…’You're right dear’!

(Ending)

Paul and Joanne,

May your love be modern enough to survive the times, and old fashioned enough to last forever.

May your joy be everlasting, and all your pain be……Champagne!!

(Raise Glass) (So please raise your glasses…)

Here's to love, laughter, and happily ever after,
As Paul & Joanne start their new life,
Lets toast the new Husband and Wife!

"Paul and Joanne"!