Speech by Jon Nelson

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Jon Nelson
Speech Date: Apr2005
Ladies and Gentlemen:

I'd like to start by thanking Steven for his kind words on behalf of the bridesmaids. It's probably the first and last time he'll say that about his sisters!

I was feeling a little nervous about making a speech today, but after following Steven to the toilet this morning, I don't feel quite so bad. I had to fish this out before I could go!
(brick)

IF there is anyone here today who doesn't know me, I'm Steven's brother in law, or “JON WHAT CAN I GET YOU” if I happen to see you at the bar later on!

When Steven asked me to be his best man, my initial thought was he had no other friends, but this immediately turned to surprise at his good taste. It was only after I'd agreed to it that he told me I'd have to wear a kilt. I suddenly realised I'd been done up like a kipper (or should that be Scottish smoked salmon!)

On this note, I'd like to ask Steven, “who's wearing the trousers?”

I first met Steven about 8 ½ years ago, when I started to go out with Sarah. He was a likeable, quiet and polite young lad, so god knows what changed him!

He would often give up his bed for me if I stayed over…probably not by choice, but never mind! I think I should return this now, I borrowed it all them years back. (Porn mag)

In preparing this speech, I asked him if there was any particular subjects I should avoid…the list was that long, I gave up reading it half way through!

One of the things I should avoid mentioning is his driving ability, or rather lack of it!

I also wont mention the night we celebrated Ashley's birth, He got so drunk that he spent 5 hours talking to a toilet, his exact words escape me but I seem to remember him slurring “never again, never again” …even now, I'm not sure if he was talking about drinking or becoming a dad?

Speaking of Ashley's birth, on the occupation section of her birth certificate, he wrote “Baker”. It probably would've been more appropriate if he'd put “miner”, as all he is capable of producing is lumps of coal!

When the topic of a stag do came up, it was agreed that we would go to Edinburgh for a night out. Steven wanted to go to the local distillery when we were there so he was going to organise this. To cut a long story short, we didn't get to Edinburgh, so this confirmed what many already knew: he couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery!

Unknown to many of you, Steven is a bit of a trend setter. He is the first person I knew who bought a mobile phone! Who was he gonna text? Keep that haircut Steven, you might start another trend!

On a more serious note, I should balance this out and mention some of his good points: He is trusting, caring, loyal good…..sorry Steven, I can't read your hand writing!

I could go on forever embarrassing Steven but I won't. He told me to keep this quiet as well, but we've both got tickets for the football this afternoon, so we need to get away pretty sharp!

With this in mind, please join me in wishing Steven and Donna all the best for the future………The bride and Groom