Speech by Jon
I got loads of help from hitched.co.uk. This went down really well but helped that did a bit of back and forth with best man before hand about his speech. Easy format to remeber and useful to tie a load of stories together.
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Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Jon
Speech Date: 03/06/2014 15:47:44
[INTRODUCTION]
Robs and Rachael, Hillary and Roger, Mum, Dad, Ladies and Gentlemen:
For those of you who don't know me I'm Jon – Rob's older twin.
I'm proud to be standing here today, speaking on behalf of my bigger, little brother.
Some of you will remember the 3rd of July 2010 – A date carved in my memory when I was standing his place and he was in mine.
Now Robs you had a good run but it was kind of you to finally concede the argument once and for all when you confirmed a few months ago that I am the best man.
[RESPONSE ON BEHALF OF THE BRIDESMAIDS]
Rob did a great job representing me and I've been waiting to get my own back on him for years.
But, first things first –
It's a real honour to respond to Rob's kind words on behalf of our bridesmaids – Toni, Beth, Zoe and Sally –
You all look beautiful today and did a great job getting Rachael here on time and looking fantastic.
[maybe add comment about timing or minor mishap if there's a suitable one]
[NICE STUFF ABOUT RACHAEL]
I'm sure you'll agree with me when I say that Rach, you look stunning.
Rob's a lucky man – and you don't look half bad either mate
Although – I am a bit annoyed that you copied my outfit.
[STORIES ABOUT ROB]
As Rob's twin brother I'm in a good place to dish lots of dirt on him but I cut most of the really good stuff because it incriminates me too.
Researching this speech I came a across a trashy article that set out the qualities that make up the ideal husband. And it got me thinking…
Rachael thinks she's found a winner in Robs but…………………is he the full package
Let's see…
The ideal guy will protect you.
Robs is will always stick up for people who can't defend themselves….… particularly damsels in distress.
He was just three and a half years old Robs came to the aid of a wife being cruelly beaten by her husband at a kids’ birthday party
He toddled up to the man, grabbed him by the head and threw him to the floor shouting “no, naughty”.
Undeniably brave I'm sure you'll agree but……it did nothing to improve the Punch and Judy show.
His bravery was short lived too; he ran straight back to Mum in tears as soon as the crocodile appeared.
So yes Rach – you can be confident Bobs will protect you –
Provided you're not being attacked by a man in a tent
Wielding a small wooden reptile.
The ideal husband must be caring:
Those who know Robs know he's a big softy at heart.
He loves animals – his two pet rabbits are the most spoilt rodents in the county.
But, over the years other pets in his care didn't fare so well…
It's fair to say there were a few failed attempts.
The hamster he bought for our little sister escaped within three days
Rob's first true love – his own hamster Dolly lasted a mere 7 weeks.
And the school gerbil, in residence with us over Easter – returned missing a tail!
Needless to say school didn't think us suitable to look after a French exchange student.
So caring – yes, careful, perhaps not.
A husband should provide for you?
Rob is a first class cook
Yes I said cook
If the canapés he made for this afternoon are anything to go by you're set up for life Rach
The perfect man knows the art of compromise?
Growing up it wasn't just the two of us. We have a little sister Sally.
Like all older brothers we hated Mum making us let her join in with our games – back then we thought girls were rubbish!
One day Robs hatched a plan. It kept mum happy but wouldn't leave us stuck with Sally all afternoon.
It was genius.
We'd let her come but she had to play the princess in our knights and dragons game.… of course she agreed immediately!
We took her into the middle of woods, gave her a ‘magic princess hat’ and securely tied her to a tree.
We told her to wait until we came to rescue her – and went off to play our own game, safe in the knowledge that Sal couldn't come and spoil it.
Sitting down for tea that evening Mum asked us “where's Sally?”
A guilty look confirmed that we'd left her (age 6) alone and tied up in the woods for 4 hours!!
We'd forgotten all about her – worse still, we had no idea where we'd left her!
The search party found her. Understandably upset …
I can still hear her screaming “but I can't come home mummy I'm the princess”
Finally, Mr Right must have a sense of humour:
This one is easy – Rob's one of the funniest guys I know. His sharp wit gets him out of any situation – trust me you'd be amazed.
One night, out in Lincoln, we noticed Rob was no longer with us.
Rather than just do the sensible thing and leave him to is fate a group of friends set out to find him. A trail of minor destruction led them to Brayford wharf…
It was here they found him – in fact they found a very drunken him running along the top of some narrow-boats moored up for the night.
Before efforts could be made to coax him down a policeman appeared
Approaching our group he said “alright, which one of you lot thinks he's a sailor boy then?”
Before anyone could answer Rob jumped out of the darkness to land in a squat position in front of the startled copper – looking up at him square in the face he said “we're not sailors …we're pirates!”
Unable to contain a smile the policeman was left with no choice but to let this affable idiot go with a ticking off and instructions to go home and sleep it off.
[SINCERE BIT]
So there you have it – Rob's a man with all the ingredients to be the pirate, sorry that should be the perfect husband.
As best man I'm supposed to offer some worldly advice at this point –
But Rachael's going to need way more than I can offer to get through a lifetime with Robs at her side.
[CLOSING REMARKS]
Seriously though, Robs has been the best brother I could wish for.
If you're half as good a husband as he has been a twin …… then your two are in for a lifetime of fun, laughter, and happiness.
If I could offer you anything it would be this Life is a journey not a destination.
It won't always be easy but it's the things you work hardest at that bring the richest rewards and the greatest happiness …
Today is the start of the most amazing, sometimes frustrating …but always exciting || adventure you'll ever go on.
You should know that I…………along with everyone in this room wish you a lifetime of happiness together.
I'd like to finish by asking Rob and Rachael's friends and family gathered here today to join me in wishing you
Health, Wealth and Happiness for the years to come.
Ladies and Gentlemen, please be upstanding and raise your glasses:
I give you for the final time today our lovely bridesmaids and the new Mr and Mrs ****** – the Bride and Groom
