Speech by Jon

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Jon
Speech Date: Mar 2001
Firstly, on behalf of the bridesmaids I'd like to thank Paul for his kind words. I'd also like to thank everyone on behalf of the Bride and Groom for sharing their wedding day, especially those of you who have travelled long distances.

I understand we have a large Irish contingent joining us today, so I'd like to wish you all a happy Saint Patrick's day.

So to get to the speech – why did I agree to being Paul's Best Man? Perhaps because of my great regard and respect for him, or maybe because he asked me at five past midnight on New Year's Day, when being full of beer and goodwill to all men, I was in no fit state to turn down anything.

To help me in my role, Paul and Angela kindly provided me with a book called The Best Man's Organiser. It states “The Best Man should be resourceful, energetic and diplomatic. One who will not offend or create problems”.

As you can see, Paul's obviously an appalling judge of character. I can only think that the real reason I was asked was that he needed someone to make him look good in the wedding photo's.

KIT KAT
It's customary on this occasion for the Best Man to drag up some embarrassing anecdote from the Groom's past. Now I had two problems with this. Firstly, Paul originally insisted on vetting the speech, which would have meant me going to the trouble of preparing two speeches. Luckily he relented. Secondly, Paul is the original Mr Nice Guy, and it's very difficult to think of anything bad to say about him.

In fact I can remember only one act of selfishness in the 13 years I have known him, and to this day he claims it was carried out purely for survival reasons. A few years ago Paul, myself and another friend spent a couple of weeks on a walking holiday in the west of Scotland. Due to bad planning on my part, we found ourselves stranded on the deserted banks of Loch Lomond in torrential rain, without a map or food. As darkness fell, we managed to pitch our tent, and crawled into our sodden sleeping bags. As I lay awake listening to the wind and rain howling across the Loch, I thought I could hear the sound of eating, but decided I must be hallucinating due to a combination of cold and hunger. We found out the next day that this had actually been the sound of Paul scoffing our last emergency bar of Kit Kat.
FIRST MEETING
I'm also required to tell how the happy couple first met. It's often been said that marriage shouldn't be rushed into, and Paul and Angela seem to have taken this concept to a frankly ridiculous extreme. The man responsible for bringing the pair together is Richard Redman, who is with us today. Paul and Angela first met at Richard's 18th birthday party, when Angela was 17 years old and Paul was 18, an event which was notable for Paul giving Angela's best friend Louise a black eye. After this Paul and Angela didn't meet again until 17 years later at Richard's 35th birthday party. This time, things went rather more smoothly, resulting in an e-mail romance, and ultimately the gathering of all of us today for this happy event.

STAG NIGHT
I'd just like to say a few words about the stag night. This was held in a Greek restaurant in London and was a great success, as well as revealing a formerly unknown talent of Pauls. Next to our table was a group of girls from Essex who were celebrating a hen night. For some reason they took an instant shine to Paul, who at first seemed ill at ease with this unwelcome attention. As the evening continued, however, Paul overcame his initial shyness, and by the end of the night they had voted him best male belly dancer.

THE END
Finally, I'm supposed to offer some advice on married life to the Bride and Groom. Now never having been married myself, I'm not sure I'm qualified to give such advice. The one thing I will say to Angela is, if Paul turns out to be half as loyal and supportive a husband as he has been a friend, she can look forward to a very long and very happy marriage.

My very best wishes to you both.