Speech by Jonas Kitto

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Jonas Kitto
Speech Date: Jul2005
Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman, boys and girls. As most of you have probably guessed already from the church I am the best man, however for those of you who don't know me personally, my name is Jonas and I would like to begin, on behalf of Matt &amp Jess, by thanking you all for being here and sharing their special day with them.
I'm glad to see so many people could make it, especially those of you from out of town.
It is amazing what some people will do for a free lunch.
I have been told that a good speech should be like a miniskirt…
Short enough to be interesting but long enough to cover the essentials.
With this in mind I will try to be brief. However, I do have one or two things I'd like to say and many people to thank.
Firstly I would like to thank Matt for asking me to be his best man.
I've only been asked to be best man once before, and when my friend told his bride to be, she just burst into tears, and needless to say that was the end of that.
On behalf of the bridesmaids, I would just like to thank Matt for his kind words.
As I am sure you will all agree, the bridesmaids look sensational today.
The hair by Leo Bancroft
The dresses from Gucci
And the foundation from B&ampQ!!!!!!!!!!!
I would also like to say that Jessica YOU look absolutely stunning,
And matt, you just look stunned.
Matt you really have come out on top on the better for worse deal –
Matt you couldn't have done any better
And
Jessica YOU REALLY couldn't have done any worse.
Jessica, I feel I need to tell you about the man you've have married.
Matt can be described as Handsome, Witty, Intelligent, Generous, A great footballer and Per…Per…Sorry Matt, I'm having real trouble reading your writing.
Anyway Moving on
Having never been a best man before, I had to spend several hours surfing the Internet to try and find out exactly what my duties would be. I also came across several pictures of Britney Spears, but that's another story.
So apparently the most important thing I had to do was make sure Matt got to the church on time, looking presentable, clean@cut and sober. Given how nervous he was this morning, the ‘sober’ part was a minor miracle, and as for the rest, well, I got him there on time…
For those of you who don't know Matt, he was born on 25th December 1978, which is very appropriate as when he worked for me he was likened to GOD
No one ever saw him.…
He made his own rules …
And it was a bloody miracle if he did any work.
I first met Matt, when I interviewed him for the prestigious job of Car salesman Trainee
And Part of the grueling interview Technique we used involved Matt standing on chair singing his favorite Nursery Rhythm, which I think at the time, was Humpty dumpty.

Now as for Matt's performing skills we will view these later and there will be copies for you all to take away as a souvenir.

The good news for Matt was that he got the job, the bad news for me was that he introduced me to his sister, Matt was able to leave my employment and start his new career in the prison service, which is ironic as I got the life sentence with his lovely sister.

I asked Matt's family about some of his traits and the one thing that kept coming up was that he is very accident@prone.

Buy all accounts this all started on 1/4/1978.

April Fools Day.

Or better known to Chris and Sue as the day Matt was conceived.

This has been followed by many more incidents over the years including more recently

2002
Playing Sunday football with his mark his cousin resulting in a broken arm

2003
Tripping over on the way to answering the front door to Jess at his dads house and putting his head through the front door window resulting in 6 stitches

2004
Playing rugby for the prison service against the inmates, not the most sensible idea, and lasting about 35 seconds, resulting in a trip to Ashford hospitals A &amp E department for concussion and 5 stitches more stiches.

2005
Things are looking good mate

Now Meeting Jess was definitely no accident

As some of you may know, Matt met his most valuable wedding gift, Jess in the summer of 2001 they were introduced to each by Danny and Jenney.

They spent many nights together in the Kings Head and at various other locations as “just good friends”

This friendship culminated in the announcement that the lovely baby Katie was on her way, and there little princess was born on 11 September 2003.

He fell for her charm, good looks, companionship, sense of humor and the fact that she's always up for it…….… Matts words.

She fell for his boyish good looks and cheeky smile. Looking at Matt and there it is.

And now I would like to read some Cards and messages from friends and family who could not be here today

Real cards

Three final messages,

1.“Jess we could have been so good together” Love George Clooney.
2.“Matt, we could have made a lovely couple” Love Elton John.

3.To Matt &amp Jess, all the very best for the future. You look a great team. Unlike the one I just left. David Beckham.

And so Just before I finish, and as promised, I would like to share Matts performing skills with everyone

Copies will be available after

Play dvd

There is an old saying @@ “you don't marry someone because you can live with them, you marry them because you simply cannot live without them”…
So, to the real reason why we are all hear today, I give you a couple very much in love and for whom I wish the absolute best for the rest of their lives together.
So if everyone would like to join me in a toast to the new
Mr. and Mrs. Gunner.
Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls please be upstanding as I present to you Matt and Jess.

Now please be upstanding and raise your glasses for the bride and Groom
”The New Mr and Mrs Gunner”

Too the bride and Groom.