Speech by Jonathan Peck

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Jonathan Peck
Speech Date: sep 2003
Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen. Many thanks to M for his kind words, and may I say Catherine's done a great job as bridesmaid today, and looks really fantastic. I'd also like to say that C looks absolutely stunning; as I'm sure you'll all agree.

Well, it certainly is an honour to be standing here as M's best man for his marriage to C – albeit a rather terrifying experience! When M asked me to be his best man, it wasn't really until the sobering light of next morning that it occurred to me there were certain responsibilities that come with the job. When I looked up what those were though, I was quite relieved to realise that these days they boil down to two main ones, which are: organising the Stag do; and an assassination of the grooms character, in the form of this speech. Well, I'm delighted that following an absolutely superb stag weekend in Barcelona, M's still capable of being here today, and is demonstrating no obvious ill effects; although quite how he managed to get away with that, I've no idea. As for demolishing M's character, I feel it's a bit unfair that he's had a 30-year head start on me, but here goes…

M… What can I say about M? Or perhaps I should say, ‘what can I say about M that won't get him and me into too much trouble’?! There are loads of stories I could relate from our 20-odd years of friendship, but unfortunately the vast majority are certainly not suitable material for a gathering such as this. Alas, I can't say anything about the events that took place one night in Pisa, involving a senior British executive, an Italian mechanic and several ladies of Eastern European origin and of dubious virtue. Nor can I mention an evening in Korea where an awkward diplomatic incident was avoided by the narrowest of margins. And frankly, the less said about righting off his Mum's 1-day-old Fiat Uno, the better!

So, to find some safer ground to give you all an insight into the man in question, I thought I'd start by telling you what I found when I looked up his star sign, Gemini – pull out card –

….short on intellect and unable to stick to anyone or anything for long. In a nutshell, great fun at a party but totally unreliable.…

Now, given he's already stuck to C for over 12 years, I felt that was a bit unfair, so next I looked up someone else here among us today. This is what I read – pull out card –

….easy to understand, very loyal, extremely attractive and creative…

and I thought, fair enough, I am all those things!

Seriously though, I'd like to continue by saying a few words about M's sporting achievements. I'm particularly keen to raise this subject because I know how much it embarrasses him. Now, although I accept that appearances can be deceptive, M really is a man of sporting substance. In sailing, he's represented England and gained a half-purple competing for the University of London – perhaps he'd like to tell us all which half went purple??

In his motorbike-racing career he also has a formidable record…… of spectacular crashes. I understand that he made a great team with his Dad, Les – M determinedly throwing himself to the tarmac and his Dad sweeping pieces of broken bike from the track. More recently he switched to racing mountain bikes and although he's only competed once, he managed to crash that time, too.

A couple of years ago, he put in a very respectable time doing the London Marathon, although road running clearly isn't nearly dangerous enough for him, since his latest sporting venture is to take up surfing. If any of you gave a handheld VHF radio as a wedding gift, I'm certain that'll soon come in handy for calling out the coastguard.

M's academic career has been similarly colourful. He originally joined ***** after his ‘A’ Levels, but quickly became a regular at the bar of my University hall, where he was nicknamed ‘The Suit’, as he'd typically arrive for a night on the tiles, straight from work. That experience made M realise he was potentially missing out on 3 years of recreational drinking, so he got himself accepted into Uni on a History Degree, left *****, and went travelling around the Western United States. On returning to Heathrow from that trip, he telephoned the student house I shared with Jonny and Bah, and like a prodigal son, asked if he could “pop round for a bit”. It was 3 months later, that we eventually persuaded him to leave. As an aside, it was at the time M left our flat, that our letters to the council complaining about the smell from the local sewage works must have had the desired effect, since the unpleasant odour vanished, almost overnight.

It wasn't all good news that he'd gone though – our local publican was absolutely devastated.…

When M started at Uni, I once again felt extremely paternal as myself and a couple of friends, by now starting our third year, helped M move his belongings into his 1st year halls. Leaving him there that evening, I realised how a parent must feel, leaving their child on the first day of school – the difference being that presumably a schoolchild doesn't sit in the bar gulping down beer as though his life depended on it. Bless him.

Uni was clearly somewhere Fate had intended M to go though, as, after a few short weeks of the first term, that was where he met C. I'm told that their eyes met across a crowded bar, he gazing at her, she gazing back through the bottom of her pint glass. Then she realised she'd already put her glass down, and that's what he actually looked like.

So began the courtship that brings us all here today – and what a courtship! M clearly took to the task in hand with a great deal of loving care, determination and above all, patience. Let's just hope he never takes up chess! All joking apart though, it's great to see M and C celebrating their love for each other here today, with a marriage based on such solid and enduring foundations.

As a final word from me, I'd just like to let you in on a conversation that took place between M and me when we were getting measured up for these suits. We were chatting about the wedding and I asked M if he was thinking about changing after the wedding ceremony. He pondered for a second and then announced; “I think I'll become more hen pecked“. With that in mind mate, here's a bit of advice I heard recently, and thought was pretty well spot on – if you and C ever have a disagreement, ask yourself this question: “do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?!”.

On that note, all that remains is for me to ask you to please, charge your glasses and stand once more as we toast M and C. All the very best for a long and very happy marriage! M and C….!!