Speech by Jonny M

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Jonny M
Speech Date: 10/12/2014 16:35:10

Best Man Speech

Good afternoon everyone.  I'd like to introduce myself; I'm Jon, Alex's best man. As you can probably tell by the colour of my face I'm quite nervous and if the last few days have taught me anything, then adrenaline is most definitely brown in colour.

Before I get started I'd just like to say a big thank you to everybody who has joined Alex and Debbie for this great day. As I'm sure you'll agree Debbie looked absolutely stunning at the ceremony in Islington earlier. Alex just looked stunned.

I'd also like to thank those of you who have made the long journeys to be here today. Especially the northerners in the house. Just so you know, I've spoken to the staff in here and they've assured me there's CCTV outside, so your horse and carts should be fine.

And of course I want to thank the special people that have done a fantastic job, standing around looking pretty, spending an enormous amount of time on their hair, make-up, nails and outfits. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Ushers and Page Boy Chris, William, Josh, Tom and George.

But seriously, I'd like to echo Alex's kind words just now – I'm sure you will all agree the bridesmaids Freya and Hannah have done a wonderful job today and have only been outshone by the bride, Debbie.

Now, I started writing this speech back in May. It was all going well until I got a call from my Dad explaining his delight that him and my Mum had just received a WHOLE DAY wedding invite from Alex and Debbie in the post. Cheers guys. So it was at that point I realised I had to seriously ‘tone’ down this speech and it was already 1-0 to Alex.

So apologies everyone if you're expecting to hear the stories of Alex getting impaled on the spike in Holland, or Alex and zee Germans, or Alex and the bus stop, or Alex buying high and selling low or just Alex's pure love for having a good old fashioned sit down wee. I'm afraid I won't be going there today.

So, I've known Alexander Michael Clark aka Darry aka Matthew Cake since I was 5 years old when we met at primary school. My first memory I've got of us is having a violent kicking fight in the playground at lunchtime. I was giving him such a hiding that day that I decided to be the bigger man, stop the beating and become friends with him. We've been great mates ever since and in all seriousness I felt extremely proud when he asked me to be his best man.

More about Alex. He came into this world on 14th March 1986 along with his twin brother Chris. Believe it or not he shares his birthday with the great Albert Einstein. Whilst they share zero academic traits, you'll be surprised how similar the two of them actually are. My research has told me that Einstein was apparently an extremely strict husband who was known to have set his wife three rules. 1. That she served him three meals a day 2. That she stopped talking to him when asked. 3. To expect no intimacy from him.  Good luck Deb.

At the age of 18 months Alex began a career in acting.  He and Chris were the new faces of the 1988 Pampers Adverts. According to their extremely proud Mum Lynda, it was that successful they even wanted to make a follow up.  No surprise there really.. Nappies were a perfect suit for both of them, as throughout their lives they've continued to be extremely soft and full of sh1t.

27 years on and as most of you know Alex works in construction.  He decided University wasn't for him and whilst I was mixing with some of the finest scholars in the country, Alex was grafting his way to the top of the construction industry. I know he's put a huge amount of effort into his career over the last 10 years, and to be honest why wouldn't he?! Never have I known anyone who's been on as many free company piss ups as Alex has.

It was whilst I was at Uni that Alex met the wonderful Debbie, down in London. The first I heard about her was in a text from him, complementing her in his normal overly charismatic way, “Alright mate. Met this bird. She's alright.’ As you can imagine, after a description like that I was eager to meet her.

To think these two are now married is fantastic, yet slightly baffling. Debbie, a lovely kind, caring and considerate darling, who spends her working days teaching children with learning difficulties, has decided to spend the rest of her life…with a grown up with learning difficulties.

Before you all think that's a slightly unfair comment… Alex and I went on a recent trip to Slovakia for the weekend.  I left him the simple task of booking two return flights. Not only did he book us 3 months in Bratislava but whilst filling out the travel details he had to text me to ask me what my name was.  23 years of friendship and he still wasn't sure of my name.

To put this marriage into perspective we have Debbie who trained for months and months to run in the London Marathon in 2012, raising £6000 for Pancreatic Cancer. A truly fantastic effort as I'm sure you'll all agree. Alex, a year later, at night, walked one and raised nothing.

Now, I don't want to be the cause of the shortest marriage in history so I'd better say some good things about the groom. As I mentioned we've known each other most of our lives. Whether it was saving me from certain death at the hands of a bramble bush in Sardinia, consoling me on the phone when I'd woken up at Brighton Station..again, or even shaving his head when I was going through my rapid hair loss stage a few years back, just to make me feel better…he's always been there for me.  But jokes aside though, Alex really has been a great friend to me over the years and we've had some unforgettable times together.  

I first heard of Alex's plan to propose to Debbie, when he returned home from a hazy weekend in Amsterdam. I remember him saying to me ‘Life's good mate and I want to marry her’. He 100% per cent meant it and I know he's been looking forward to this day ever since.

Believe it or not, I do actually think Alex is now ready for married life and he couldn't have chosen a better person to share it with. Parents always hope their daughter finds a reliable, sensible and considerate partner. Debbie chose Alex, who in my opinion is just that.

Before I finish it must also be said that life's not always been the kindest or easiest on the pair of them, but one thing they've always shown is true strength and determination to overcome any obstacle in their paths.  I know both Alex and Debbie have been, and will remain, a magnificent couple for many years to come.

So at this point I would like to propose a toast, and ask that you are all upstanding.

Please all raise your glasses and join me in toasting Alex and Debbie – the bride & groom.