Speech by Joseph Greif

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Joseph Greif
Speech Date: Sep2005
Hi can you post this on the example best man speechs thanks:

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, and as some of you might not be surprised to know, this isn't the first time I've got up off a warm seat with paper in my hand.

For those who do not know me, my name is Joseph Greif and, if you haven't guessed it yet, I'm the groom's identical twin brother and not surprisingly I've known Dan for as long as I can remember (quite literally). I still hope to be mates at the end of this speech.

i dont plan to go on for too long, well, firstly, because i value my health and my private parts and i think both are in danger given the warnings…no threats, that Dan was issuing earlier this morning. Secondly, i dont want to break any Guiness Records by making this the shortest wedding of all time (barring britney spears’ wedding) by putting Nell off of Dan too much with any outrageous revelations, so ill get started.

Firstly however, I must comment on how stunning the bride is looking today (a true vision in white) and also how attractive the lovely bridesmaids are and what a great job they've done today, and how surprisingly well behaved the ushers have been given the wealth of beautiful women on display.

Now, it is said (in England there is a saying) that being asked to be the best man is like being asked to make love to the queen mother. It's a great honour but nobody wants to do it…But here i am and i feel the need to fill you all in with a few details about the REAL Dan Greif.

Now, Dan loves going out and socalising and ends up spending alot of his time down the pub and although he looks like a sensible young man he's become consistantly reliable at getting evicted or thrown out for a variety of colourful reasons and you may think that he'd just had too much to drink but no, he's been chucked out for:
1) Trying to get a free pint without the barman knowing (that was in London)
2) Doing funky vigourous dancing up on the tables (that was in Australia)
3) and taking his clothes off at the most inopportune moments (that was in
NZ)
So Dans truly become an international pub reject.

Another interesting trait of Dan's has been his "Comedy value facial hair experiments" – we've seen everything from the Merv Hughes classic handle bar look, to the very afro like beefy chops, to tyhe very dubious and now infamous "Bin Laden" whcih caused dan some major delays when trying to clear immigration to the US.

And of course any best man's speech wouldn't be complete without a brief mention of the stag do……both of them. Cos’ you see Dan's managed for squeeze in 2 for this transatlantic wedding – 1 in London and 1 in Virginia.
The UK stag do really brought back some memories of my younger years with younger brother Dan:
-Stumbling around unsteady on his feet in the nude
-Being uncontrollably sick
-Then ultimately being carried home to bed.
My main memories of that night revolve around Danny's bottom being spanked “red raw” even before we had breakfast, a nice set a pink fluffy handcuffs, and a certain feeling that the passengers of the 10:30 train to Kennington will have got a very intimate and close-up view of Dan in all his stag day glory.
And I can assure you all that for the US stag do on Thursday, one of Dan's last nights of freedom, he was put to bed nice and early and LITERALLY slept like a baby… well he wet the bed twice and woke up crying for his mummy

So what was it that attracted Nell to Dan – was it his striking good looks (well I'd have to agree wholeheartedly with that) or was it his witty sense-of-humour or English charm? Whatever it was it seemed to bind the relationship together over 4000m of Atlantic Ocean.
Their relationship continued to blossom and before Dan knew it he was making Richard Branson a very happy man with regular Virgin Airways flights to the US and some 4 years later Dan dropped down on 1 knee and popped the question and Nell bravely accepted.

But what was it that kept the two of them together, omitting of course Dan's stunning good looks…well whatver the reasons are i dont think ive met a happier couple. ive got a lot of Admiration for Nell and Dan who've overcome all the difficulties and costs involved in a long distance relationship, which both sets of parents will be able to verify with the mammoth international phone bills they have received.

I think the commitment, loyalty, dedication and above all love, that both of them have shown is a testament to the strength of their relationship and is a good indicator of a strong and successful marriage.

In today's society marriage is an institution that can be entered into far too easily, what with shotgun weddings, vegas weddings and online weddings and i believe real consideration must be made for such a long term commitment and if you ask any of Dan or Nell's closest friends, not one of them ever doubted that they wouldnt be together for a very very long time and today only goes to prove their friends right.

I wont keep you too much longer…i know that a lot of you have travelled a long way to be here…its amazing what some people will do for a free meal.

In research for this speech i came across a few definitions and words of wisdom concerning marriage…It is said that Men are like fine wine.They start out like grapes and it is your job to stamp on them in the dark until they mature into something you would like to have dinner with.
Woman are also like fine wines.They start out fresh & fruity, intoxicating to the mind. With age then become full bodied until they go sour & vinegary and end up giving you a headache.

It is also said that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defence.

An unknown author quoted that "Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger but two under the man's eyes"

And finally that the groom should never grow complacent. look out for those tell-tale signs that there may be something wrong in your relationship…you know, like the milkman wearing your shoes.

But in all seriousness, i really think that Dan is one of the most genuine, caring, hardworking and funny guys that you would hope to be friens with.
And Nell is just a fantastic girl whose got a great spirit, is really fun to be around and im sure will make Dan a very happy man for many years to come.

So to wrap this up id just like to say that marriage is not about finding someone that you can live with, its about finding someone that you can't live without!

Im sure that i speak for everybody here when i say i wish you both the very very best for your future life together.

A TOAST… To the happiness, health, wealth and good fortune of the bride and groom … to DAN and Nell.