Speech by Justin Doiron

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Justin Doiron
Speech Date: Aug2004
Well Mitchell, I hope you made the most of your speech… now you're a married man and that'll be the last time you get to speak for 3 minutes without being interrupted or corrected!

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. It's a lovely night to have an evening. For those of you that don't know me, my name is Justin, and I've had the privilege of being Mitchell's best man. Previous to this job, I worked in a fire hydrant factory, but I quit because they wouldn't let me park anywhere near the place. I hope you've all enjoyed the day so far, and I think you'll all agree that the bride looked absolutely stunning today!

(Pause for applause… if any.)

The groom looked absolutely stunned.

You can't deny it's been an emotional day though… even the cake is in tiers!

My main duty today is to give you all an introduction to the groom, relating tales about his crazy adventures as a young man, his run-ins with the police and his string of meaningless flings. I should then introduce the benevolent influence of the bride on our young hero, as she struggled to tame a man with an approach to life that consisted of nothing more than a few ape-like urges.

Mitch and I actually go back about six years now. I didn't have the privilege of knowing him at through the elementary school years, but I do have his account of those years. Apparently he was a gifted student and he excelled in everything he did be it sports or academics, only leaving high school when ‘they couldn't teach him any more’. Now initially I put that down to an inflated ego, but sure enough, he actually graduated.

Looking at him now you may not believe this, but Mitchell was not a pretty baby… In fact, he was the only baby in Summerside to have shutters on his crib!

You know, Roberta didn't get morning sickness until AFTER he was born!

He was also a slow starter. At kindergarten, Mitchell was different from all the other 5 year olds… He was 11!

Friends used to ask his family what they thought Mitchell would be when he left school. The usual reply was, "Oh, about 35 "!

But seriously though…

Mitchell is a driven young man, and by that I don't mean that they've taken his license away, not yet anyway. He's intelligent, witty, charming, and (squinting) something else too, but sorry buddy, I can't read your writing. Personally I've always admired his passion, skill and creativity – what you told that police officer that time was absolutely inspiring.

In all seriousness though, Mitch, you've been a brilliant friend to me over the years. It's been an honor to be your best man today, and with all my heart I hope you two have a long and happy marriage!

I don't have the pleasure of really knowing Brianne personally, but during the visits we all had over the last few months, I know that she is a beautiful girl with a heart of gold, and she deserves a good husband… Thank God you married her before she found one!

But even so, just before I make the Toast, I do have a few words of wisdom for the happy couple:

BRIANNE – Treat Mitchell like a dog: 3 meals a day, plenty of affection, and make sure you send him into the yard before bedtime! (This was mentioned due to the fact that I found this in the toilet of the hotel this morning!).

MITCH – Never get too content. Look out for those tell-tale signs that there may be something wrong in your relationship. You know, like the mailman wearing your socks!

Also remember those 3 little words that are the key to a long and happy marriage… ‘You're right, dear!’

Now, as a person that will drink to absolutely anything, it gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to be upstanding, raise your glasses and join me in a toast to Brianne and Mitchell, because I think they were made for each other.

(Toast)

May your love be modern enough to survive the times, but old fashioned enough to last forever.

I'm sure you're going to be happy together, and I speak for everybody here when I say I wish you both the very very best for your future life together.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the new Mr. and Mrs. Perry, Mitchell and Brianne!