Speech by Justin Tipper

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Justin Tipper
Speech Date: Jul 2002
Thanks Marc for those words, ‘The stag do.. we'll come to that bit in a minute.
Firstly … I need a drink!
(CHEERS… DOWN PINT) (trick pint glass)
For those of you who don't know me my name is Justin Tipper. My friends like to call me “Tipper the sipper” for obvious reasons. And it has been my pleasure, up until this point…to be marcs best man
PAUSE
You'll have to forgive me if I move around a bit… I'm a little nervous… (pause) I can assure you…its not the first time today… I have stood up from a warm seat… holding pieces of paper in my hand. (optional)

PAUSE
Moving swiftly on…
Is any one here running a book on how long the best mans speech will last?
No.. oh well.. I was gonna have £20 on 42 minutes!
Never mind
A few thanks
On behalf Katherine thanks marc for those kind words.
Thanks to Lisa, for the reading… I was especially pleased when I heard that Lisa was doing the reading today.
It meant I didn't have to do it.
(and both… for looking so lovely….) if not been said
Thank Ushers James & Jamie .. well done to both the of you.. you've both done a sterling job!
I'd also like to thank the FAMILY and friends who have all helped… in making today… RUN so smoothly…
And lastly… everyone for attending today and I think you'll agree… its been a fantastic day so far… a wonderful setting,
And The marriage of two beautiful people,
Angela… who looks stunning… one in a million.… (pause)… And Marc……looks……… stunned …..And…won in a raffle.

PAUSE

when Marc asked me to be his best man
I admit …I panicked –
as soon as he asked me…
a thousand ways to say ‘No politely’…
started to rush around in my head…
in my haste to pick out the best one I just blurted out

"Of course I'll do it mate – it'll be a honour"
In fact
I heard quote recently “being the best man can be compared to making love to Jade off Big Brother.. Some would consider it an honour… but no-one… would really want to do it!
Since Marc told me how many people were coming today I've watched the Big Brother every night to check on the old mingers availability… but she wasn't up for eviction this week………… so here I am!

Marc gave me this book… (Show book)
‘The Best Man's Organiser’ by the prize winning author U.R. In for it.
PAUSE
The books says there are usually three character traits normally associated with being a best man
honesty, trustworthiness and reliability

Marcs reasons for asking me were:

Firstly,for blackmailing purposes as I've discovered, that he should know more embarrassing stories about me than I know about him
Secondly it has to be some one that will make him look good in the photos
And thirdly… someone who is ISN'T already married …so there may be a SLIM chance of inciting revenge IF asked to return the favour!
PAUSE

One of my Duties was to organise a stag weekend
As you've all heard he really enjoyed
Unfortunately, I cannot say much about it… as Marc's solicitor has advised caution… until the court case next month.
However, I have been informed by the RSPCA, that the donkey will make a full recovery
There is one bit about the weekend I can mention, after two nights out on the beers … marc did stress he would like get a round in.. once cheering had dyed down we realised he was talking about golf. So Sunday the 9 people left went for a game.. only 4 of the 9 had played before so we decided it only fair to play crazy golf. Although there was more people that hadn't played then had… Marc was very competititve.. so competitive that he came in with a scorecard of 17 over par.. he'd lost four balls… and had been accused of cheating.… it takes a lot of balls to play golf the way Marc does.
PAUSE
Of course the duties don't end there
you have the potentially delicate task of keeping all Marc's ex girlfriends at bay
though this has been made whole a lot easier by the foot and mouth outbreak last year.

What can I say about Marc Macdonald?
He's :
• Handsome
• Witty
• Intelligent
• Charming
• Good Looking
• Per… Per… Sorry Marc I'm having trouble reading your writing.
Born: 30th August 1974,
I Searched the internet for hours to find something interesting that happened that day…NOTHING!
I did find some interesting stuff, but its not really something I should be talking about today.
Some facts about 1974
• Disposable plastic razors invented by Gillette
• Three day working week was introduced into the UK … Marc still works to these priciples but has adapted them over the years… he makes 3 days work last a week.

How did we come to meet?
I've known Marc well some 10 yrs now, we went to the same school , I was a couple of years above him and didn't really know him that well back then
But I have been reliable informed that at school Marc was an ideal pupil .. who excelled in most subjects…
Sorry that should that read .. Marc was an idol pupil who was expelled from most subjects…
But Marc does think he's clever..
He's so clever..
He thinks the book of Genesis was written by Phil Collins.
He thinks that Alfred Hitchcock is a jockstrap.
He even thinks that ping-pong balls are a medical complaint.
Talking of medical complaints you should ask marc about the time he treated himself for a hernia…
by spraying deep heat on his lower region…
For those of you haven't used deep heat… I can only say its like a sunburn in a tin
But there is one thing I like about Marc In the years I've know him he hasn't changed a bit.…
Even his hairstyles the same!
PAUSE
Now of course, I'm not the only person in this room that Marc knows well. In fact, this place is filled with people that have an opinion of him.. So,
I thought it would be nice to find out some interesting facts about him
Over the last few weeks I've been approaching his friends and this is what just a few of you said.
The boys from TTL, ex work colleagues, said
Apart from taking pleasure in calling him by his nickname “Rambo”
Working with Marc… was like working with God.
He's was rarely seen… he's holier than thou …and if he ever finished a job he started… it's was a bloody miracle.’
(the old ones eh!)
He the bloke who at age 27 still buys his t-shirts in Mothercare.(makes his pecs look bigger apparently)
We've givin him some nicknames.. little bloke (for obvious reasons … Angela), hurcules.. but more recently I've heard Angela call him ‘Everlast’ – not for his bedroom skills mind nor the F1 team he works for…
but for his time keeping!

You all heard of GMT – Greenwich Mean Time. And also BST – British Summer Time. But how many people here have heard of MMT? Pause..… This stands for ‘Marc Macdonald Time’ and usually runs between 25 & 55 minutes behind everybody else.
Although Marc is… continuously late… He does somehow have this knack of being in the right place at the right time
If he didn't possess this quality, I don't think he would of met Angela.
She's a smashing lass … a great mother and hopefully you can learn from her and become a great father
That is when your not round Dodgers playing football on the playstation.

Cards
Couple of real ones
Angela… we could have been so good together… give me a call if it doesn't work out….… Antonio Bandaras
Couple of normal ones
Marc… don't go forgetting us now your married.. love all the girls at ‘Hot Spice Sauna and Massage

Toasts

a toast to all those people who couldn t be here today for
whatever reason to celebrate Marc and Angela s wedding;
The toast is To Absent Friends
Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me immense pleasure to ask
you to join me in a toast to the bride and groom. May your love be modern enough to survive the times and old-fashioned enough to last forever
The toast is to Marc & Angela. the bride and groom.

To round up then, I d like to thank you all for your attention, and let
me just say that if you've enjoyed listening to this speech as much as I
enjoyed making it, then all I can do is apologise most sincerely.