Speech by Kelli Boyd

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Kelli Boyd
Speech Date: oct 2002

Thank you Kris,

I have a Dream
by Martin Luther King, Jr.
Delivered on the steps at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C. on August 28, 1963

27 long years ago, there was a great shuddering of the tectonic plates, within the misty highlands of New Zealand, as the first of the Boyd clan burst onto the planet. This was the day that would change the world forever.

Little did Miss Kelli Mawhinney know what this day would bring, some may say this is attributed to the fact that she wasn't even a twinkle in her fathers eye. But none the less, this joyous daybreak would forge her destiny to come.

As the first Boyd primate, his instinct was to hunt, gather food, club first asking questions later, and most importantly source a suitable mate to spread the dominant Boyd alpha male seed.

I've never met anyone quite as competitive as Kris. Kris and I share a few battle wounds, such as broken fingers, dislocated knees and many cuts and bruises. There's nothing quite like challenging Kris, he's never one to be undone and will take on any challenge. There is only one time in our history, where I can remember Kris not accepting one of my brainless challenges. I'd dared Kris 500 dollars to open the emergency exit of the plane we were on after being stuck on the tarmac for 2 hours in Canberra. I'm glad to say on this occasion he didn't take up the challenge, but it was very touch and go for while.

But I have no doubt, that should I ever challenge Kris to anything, even if it was outside his expertise, he would stay up all night, at all costs to conquer the task.

Many of you may or may not know of Kris's other love, his love for all things burnt, thank god that Kelli's a great cook, because Kris sure as hell can't. As John, Kris's father will know that Kris with a petrol can, matches and an historic weatherboard farmhouse is an extremely dangerous combination. Such as John and Maureen arriving home after a hard days work to find Kris Shanahan Boyd lying underneath the house setting lite to the floor beams.

On one another occasion, we'd run out of gas in the BBQ, Kris dived on in there unscrewing the LPG bottle fitting, neglecting to put the flames out first. Within a millisecond, I was screaming and dove into the lounge for shelter. Kris calmly tightened the tap on the gas bottle. Should this have been left up to me, I'm sure I would have thrown the bottle over the balcony and dove into the lounge. I am sure, knowing my luck; this would have been accompanied by a massive blast tearing half the house down. Could Kris have 9 lives? Hm maybe.

Soon afterwards and unfazed, we were filling the bottle with LPG at the local servo. On departing, we sidestepped a few policeman (as apparently it's illegal to carry LPG on a motor bike), Kris's pillion passenger was the LPG bottle and mine was two dozen beer nested between my legs. It was only when riding back down Fir Street, that I realised we might be in for some trouble when Kris proceeded to pull a wheelie down the street. Consequently the LPG bottle came unhooked and was bouncing up and down throwing sparks everywhere, dragged along by the half unhooked bungie cord.

As I'm sure we can all agree, Kris with anything mechanical is a recipe for disaster to say the least. Maybe like the time Gareth, Kris and myself were stuck in the middle of the Manukau harbour with one life jacket and a sea anchor. The Sea Anchor used to be a $16,000 Jet ski, generously provided by Kelli's previous employer Computer land for the weekend.

I had a dream that one day Kris would settle down, and I would no longer be subjected to outrageous high jinks.

And then along came little Miss Kelli Mawhinney, the most enthusiastic person I have ever met. Whose presence when first entering a room, can best be likened to popping the cork off a vintage 1975 Don Perignon.

I often thought Kelli would tame this mullet sporting bogan, but not on this occasion, Kris and Kelli had just procured the best desk $70 could buy; this was an exquisite beauty, 4 legs and two draws, what more could the happy couple wish for. Being as impatient and as impulsive as humanly possibly, Kelli got behind the wheel. Kris slide the desk onto the roof, “We aren't going far babe” Says Kris jumping into the passenger seat clutching the desk with two hands, no rope holding this puppy down, just bruit force.

As bad luck would have it, the local constabulary took exception to this new mode of furniture transportation. “In all my 20+ years on the beat, I've never seen anything like this!” Echoes the copper proceeding without inception to issue the pair with an infringement notice. Increasing the desks transportation costs to around $300, sweat and tears as Kris carted it down the road by foot.

I have a dream, that one day even the state of Avondale, the spider state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis and playground as it was, once before.

I have a dream, that one day my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be persecuted by other Boyds, as so many have been before.

I have a dream today. That one day Kris Shanahan Boyd will evaluate all cliffs's before diving headfirst.

He will not launch himself from any height without first considering the consequences.

I have a dream that Kris Boyd will drive on the road, not the footpath, not attempting to mow down innocent civilians protecting flora and fauna.

I have a dream that one day Kelli and I will shed our appalling reputation for low alcohol tolerance.

Let the wedding bells ring from the snow capped mountains off Mt Reuapahu

Let the wedding bells ring from the misty valley of the Hellensville farm.

Let the wedding bells ring for the boy and his mullet.

Let the wedding bells ring for marring the prettiest girl in the room,

When we let these wedding bells ring, we celebrate the end of all these childish antics, the start of this beautiful marriage and the offspring they will bring.

I have a dream; we will join hands, with a glass in the air and sing “Married at last, married at last, thank god almighty, he's married at last”

Kris and Kelli!