Speech by Kevin Grainger

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Kevin Grainger
Speech Date: Jun2004
Good afternoon Ladies and Gentleman,

First of all on behalf of [Bridesmaid], the bridesmaid, I'd like to thank [Groom] for his kind words and I think everybody would agree that she looks lovely. I must say she has done a brilliant job today. And of course doesn't [Bride] look gorgeous? [Groom] you are a very lucky man!

I'd also like to thank [Groom's Mum], [Groom]’s mum, for being a taxi service to [Groom] and his friends over the years. [Bride], as the new Mrs. [Groom's Surname], this will be one of your duties in the future.

When I discovered that I was to be best man today, I decided to look on the Internet. After a couple of hours searching, I finally found some really good stuff, but then I remembered I was supposed to be looking for best man tips.

I have known [Groom] for over 15 years, I remember him in his first days at Deepings School, he looked very cool in his blue Parka and National Health glasses. We had something in common straight away, well almost, my Parka was green.

[Groom] could usually be found kicking a ball around on the school field (by himself of course!). Despite being one of the most talented ball jugglers in the area, the teachers found him to be useless in every position.… I just hope [Bride] has a bit more luck tonight!

I lost touch with [Groom] for a few years when he went off to study in Hull; on his return he announced he had a girlfriend. I, like many others who knew him, found this difficult to believe. Who could turn a hard-drinking, football loving bloke, into boyfriend material…? I was intrigued.

Her name was [Bride] and she was from Chelmsford, I couldn't wait to meet her, even if it was just out of curiosity! Every couple of months [Groom] would say she'd be coming over to Peterborough, and before the day arrived, there would always be some excuse why she couldn't make it. Imaginary friends are OK when you are younger.… but in your twenties!!

I hope everyone has enjoyed the lovely meal today because when I eventually met [Bride], things were a little different. Rather than prepare a meal for us, [Bride] recommended a local pub to eat at. ‘They do really good food’ she said. After waiting over an hour for my burger, when it arrived, it was still bleeding. I thought…you've picked a real cracker here, [Groom].

Now, I've always regarded [Groom] as a typical red-blooded male who likes his beer and likes his football.… But recent events have got me thinking..…

Shortly after [Groom] & [Bride] moved into their new house, they were invited over to a neighbour's barbeque. Despite being a little shy at first, after several drinks, [Groom] soon began to get into the party spirit. Then by the end of the night, as described by [Bride], [Groom] was wearing lipstick and kissing other men.

Also when [Groom] & [Bride] lived in London, after a night on the beers, I remember [Groom] attempting to charm the guy who owned the fried chicken shop with the words ‘You have got a very handsome face’…needless to say he didn't get any free chicken!

Most people, and me included, would assume these incidents to be in the past and a little out of character. But when we were discussing the venue for the stag weekend and [Groom] suggested the gay friendly resort of Brighton.… I was getting worried. If that wasn't bad enough, when he insisted on wearing this outfit…

[Hold up Picture]

we all understood why!

I feel I should also mention a few words about the stag weekend. Saturday's activity was Paintball and everyone in the party managed to get at least 1 shot on [Groom], including those on his team! The last game involved 4 stag parties, consisting of around 60 blokes, lining up and shooting their remaining ammo at the unarmed stags and best men. I don't think we disappointed anyone, of the 8 lambs to the slaughter; [Groom] and I were the last 2 standing. [Mate] referred to [Groom] as rock-hard, or maybe that was something to do with the Viagra he slipped into his drink later that evening.

In Brighton, it's not uncommon that the stag gets stripped by his mates and chucked into the sea. As we walking along the sea-front at 3 o'clock on Sunday morning, [Groom] began to feel a little nervous, so he handed me his watch and wallet and said; ‘Go on then, chuck me in’. When I explained we had no intention of doing anything like that, he insisted we all strip down to our pants and go swimming in the sea anyway’.… Well it was [Groom]’s stag-weekend; we had to do what he said!

In all seriousness, [Groom] is an absolutely great bloke and it is an honour to be his best man today. In [Bride], he's found someone who not only is beautiful, intelligent and great fun to be with, but also someone who is willing to put up with him smashing up at least 1 Playstation controller each month out of frustration….How many have you smashed now [Groom]? Is it double figures yet?

I'll now read a couple of cards from people who were unable to be here today…

Finally on behalf of the bride and groom, I'd like to thank everyone here for sharing their day, particularly those who have traveled long distances. Although it's been said before, it now gives me great pleasure, to invite you all to stand once more and raise your glasses in a toast for [Groom] and [Bride], Mr and Mrs [Groom's Surname].

We wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long, happy and fruitful marriage.

[Groom] and [Bride]…….