Speech by Kevin Pagett

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Kevin Pagett
Speech Date: sep 2003
Best Man Speech

Ladies and Gentlemen, if there is anybody here this evening who's feeling, nervous, apprehensive and queasy at the thought of what lies ahead, it's probably because you have just got married to Steve!

No but seriously, I am feeling a little nervous this evening, this is not the first time today that I've stood up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand!

For those of you who do not know me, my name is Kevin “would you like a pint of Guinness”…… So, please do not be afraid to say hello to me later on this evening.

Steve has given me the honour today of being his best man, he said if I do a good job, I can be best man at his next wedding!

Why me, well I think that this way, it was going to be easier for him and Cathy to keep a closer eye me so that I didn't ruin anything today.
I think it worked; it was I'm sure you'll agree a fantastic wedding ceremony and what a wonderful reception. I'm overcome with emotion and it's left me speechless – which is a bit inconvenient at this precise moment!

I haven't done much public speaking before, so, even although I have practiced this speech many times I might end up reading it word for word as it's a lot less daunting than looking at the people looking back at me. I apologise in advance if this does happen.

I'm actually only able to speak for a few minutes this evening because of my throat, if I go on too long Cathy said she would cut it!!!

I think you would all agree that Cathy looked absolutely stunning today..… And Steve, well Steve just looked Stunned!

Steve was lucky enough to have been introduced to me several years ago by some of his so called friends; Cathy was more fortunate to have only met me many years later.

Steve as I'm sure the majority of you here will agree is the most thoughtful, considerate, understanding, kind, supportive, patient, helpful, selfless and caring person that ever walked this earth.

He is also one of the most annoying, infuriating, irritating and aggravating people I have ever met.
He will search for a weakness until he finds it and then make it his duty to keep on at you until you finally crack! Steve has managed to do this to me many times.

I'm sure I'm not the only one here today who has had his heel clipped by Steve, which sends you flat on your face. You turn round to see that smiling face staring back at you, a face until today I thought only a Mother could love.

But that is the thing about Steve; you can never fall out with him. His humour and above all his friendship has been there to get many of us through difficult times. Me especially and it's something I won't ever forget! Steve, Thank you.

Still enough of that mushy stuff, lets get onto how Steve & Cathy met.
I was fortunate to be out on that eventful night when Cathy and her friends descended on Busters, one of the classier of the Loughborough drinking establishments.

It was ideal for meeting women in there.
Their feet used to get stuck in the beer soaked carpet so they were unable to escape from you as quick as they would've liked!
The music was too loud so they couldn't understand what you were saying
And it was pretty dark so they couldn't get a good look at you. How I miss that place.

A conversation was struck up between them, I have to admit I missed most of this as by that time of night I was far too busy dribbling in my cider and trying to impress people by sticking cigarettes into my ear, something that I still do today with the same limited amount of success.

I think they both saw something in each other's eyes that first time.
Steve said to me that Cathy obviously fancied him….being a woman, and a few years later Cathy confided in me that her response to her friends after that first meeting was “Come on, lets ditch these LOSERS!”.

You knew things were destined to go further when by chance they met up later that same evening in the local nightclub, ‘Krystals’.

Steve asked if she'd like a drink, Cathy asked for a ‘Double Entendre’ so Steve gave her one!

They obviously got on better this time as they arranged to meet again but this time well away from Steve's friends!
The rest as you say is history! The relationship blossomed, and over the years Cathy has become a good friend to us all and to be fair she has even managed to cope with me….I think so anyway!

I have to admit I didn't think I would ever see this day but it seems Steve finally saw sense and asked Cathy to marry him.

I well remember the Saturday morning that Steve rang to tell me they were engaged.
I was still in bed,
He had to put Cathy on the phone, as I wouldn't believe him. To be fair I didn't believe her either.
I thought they were getting their own back on me for a few years before.
I'd told some of our friends that they had got married in Las Vegas whilst on holiday with Steve's Family. It still makes me smile, the knowing looks that they got when they returned. “But Kev said you'd got married”. Not the first time that it's been pointed out to people to stop and think if they find themselves saying “but Kev said”.

When it finally sank in, I was very happy for them both, more for me as it's not very often that I get to speak to a woman whilst in bed naked.

So to the Stag weekend in Prague:
Drunken
Bought a stupid hat
Managed to get lost from everyone else
Had his pocket picked in a lap dancing club!
Well that was what I did, Steve was perfectly well behaved!

I should take this time to apologise to Audrey. I know you were worried that we would carry out our threat and strip Steve naked and put him on a train to Vladivostock. I had every intention of doing this but with having my pocket picked in that dodgy club I could no longer afford it.

To this day I don't know how Audrey managed to organise that.

I wanted to give Steve some advice today on marriage but as you may have gathered, I'm not married! Not fed up with being happy I always say. To be honest that isn't true, I'm not married by choice, it just wasn't my choice.

Anyway, I still wanted to give some advice to you today Steve, so I asked me Dad.
He knows something of how to make a good & happy marriage, he should do, he's been married six times.
No my Father has been married to the same woman for 45 years, something that has always annoyed my mother.

Apparently, he's still having sex at 75…Bit annoying really as he lives at 33!

He told me to tell you there are two things that are vitally important for a successful marriage.
They are honesty & wisdom:
Honesty – No matter what happens, no matter how adversely it may affect you – always keep your word once you have given it.
Wisdom – Never give your word.

To Cathy, you will know only too well when the honeymoon period is over. Marriage begins when you sink into his arms and ends up with your arms in his sink!
And if you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach… you're aiming to high.

It has been said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership. Anyone who believes this…knows very little about women…or fractions.

A friend of mine who was the best man at a wedding last year, provided me with some wisdom in the form of a poem. It helps answer that age old mystery of the difference between Men & Women, it's called Moods:

Moods of a Woman
An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She will kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
She will be stronger than Brandy, milder than milk,
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, bust most of all; she'll love you like mad.

Moods of a Man
Horny
Hungry

So Steve & Cathy you've finally got married, for better or for worse, which is quite appropriate as Steve could not have done better, and Cathy couldn't have done any worse.

And finally on a serious note to you both:
Marriage in this day and age is far from easy. With all the external pressure of day-to-day life you will need to continue to grow together in mutual trust and understanding whilst not forgetting what first brought you together. In other words, may your love be modern enough to survive the times; yet old fashioned enough to last forever.

Thanks to both of you for letting me be part of your special day and may I ask everyone to join me in wishing you every happiness in the future.

Ladies and Gentlemen:

To Steve & Cathy!