Speech by Kevin Smith

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Kevin Smith
Speech Date: oct 2003
Good after noon everyone, for those of you who havent worked it out, i have been sentenced to be Marks best man.

When mark asked me to be best man, ive got to be honest, i did start to panic; what am i going to say? What can i talk about? Infact its not the first time today ive stood up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand.

I'm only going to speak for a few moments because i'm a bit worried about my throat; Sarah said she'd cut it if i went on for too long.

I've known mark for 25 yrs (PAUSE) 11 months (PAUSE) 15 days (PAUSE) and 14 and a 1/2 hours and i've know sarah for 9 years.

They started going out together in the 5th year of christopher whitehead high school, where they did cookery classes together, i think if she had tasted my chipolata first, we could have had a role reversal today, (Only joking bert).

Sarah should have alos helped mark with some extra lessons in english. Remembering the time we went out with mum and dad for something to eat, travelling towards the new inn in malvern, most of you know wher that is, mark asked dad, "dad what is a B-B-Q TON-i-TE was, after we all managed to stop laughing, dad replied theres a BBQ To Nite, i think this is why mark has furthered a career in numbers and not letters.

On to our football career:

We both play local sunday football for perdiswell fc. Perdiswell was renowned for one of the best disciplinary records in the division….… and then mark joined. Every sunday the manager has to remind mark who the ref is and not to open his big mouth. He has been booked and sent more times than Sol Campbell, obviously i've never been booked as i always give the ref marks name.

So mark and sarah youve finally got married, for better or for worse, which is quite appropriate, as mark couldnt have done any better and sarah couldnt have done any worse.

Before i read some cards, i would like to ask mark and sarah to paticipate in this part of the speech.… sarah if i can ask you to place your hand flat on the table..… now mark place your hand on top of sarahs..… Mark take a deep breath…..and enjoy the moment…..because it will be the last time you have the upper hand.

I would now like to read a few cards from friends and relatives and those that couldnt be here today….(Read Genuine Crads)
And now heres one just for mark that arrive this morning. Dear mark, hope you have made the right decision, thinking of the long evenings spent around the swimming pool. Love Michael Barrymore. (right this message in genuine card).

Finally, as i started planning this speech months ago and im sure you feel like ive been delivering it for just as long, it gives me great pleaseure, not to mention relief to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses to mark and sarah, mr and mrs smith, we wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long and happy marriage….… Mark and Sarah.