Speech by Kevin

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Kevin
Speech Date: 18/10/2013 10:18:05

Ladies and Gentlemen,

On behalf of Chris and Henri I would like to welcome you all here to celebrate their marriage.  I personally hope you are all enjoying what has so far been a brilliant day and I am sure you will all have an even better time tonight. 

Let me just start off by saying that Henri you look absolutely stunning.  I will hold off on saying that again at the end of the evening when you are drunk and have tears running down your face when you realise what you have just done. 

I also would like to compliment the bridesmaids who also look beautiful.  They have done an excellent job this afternoon in getting Henri ready and to the ceremony on time.  From what I hear she put up quite a fight.

So, for those of you that don't know me, I am Kevin, Chris's younger brother.  I hope many of you will come and say hello at the bar later but I do insist you use my full name.… ‘Kevin what-would-you-like-to-drink?’

I am not really much of a fan of public speaking but I am told that it's like going to a nudist speech.  It's only hard for the first couple of minutes. 

I was actually a little bit nervous about giving this speech today, so after I rehearsed it with my wife Steph I decided to try it out in front of a live audience at the old people's home across the road from where we live.  I assume it went very well because they all pissed themselves!

Seriously though, I was both delighted, and honoured to be chosen to be best man, and be rest assured though, unlike most traditional best man speeches which are full of sexual innuendo, I've promised Chris and Henri that if there is anything slightly risqué, I'll whip it out immediately.

So where do I start?  I mean what can you say about a man who is quickly rising to the very top of his profession based solely on intelligence, grit and willpower to push on where others might fail?  A man who is beginning to distinguish himself amongst his peers and where no-one can say a bad word against him?  But enough about me, I'm here to talk about Chris.

I first met Chris in the early 80’s when I can only assume Mam and Dad were that disappointed with their first attempt that they decided to try again! 

It is impossible to summarise Chris's life, but I would have to say that over the years he has been the best anyone could hope for in a brother.  Admittedly he's my only brother, so it isn't the greatest survey ever done but in my limited experience of brothers, I'd have to say he's pretty much as good as they come.

But Chris is not only my brother, he is also one of my best friends and I've always been able to go to him for whatever I've needed.

It is also fair to say that I have learnt a lot of lessons over the years with Chris being my Older brother:

Lesson 1 – Competitiveness – I think like most brothers we have always had our share of rivalry.  We always used to fight and we always tried to get each other into trouble.

But all in all we always got on really well.  However, playing Chris at any form of sport seemed to throw that out the window.  There has been many a time when I played squash with Chris when I can only describe the squash court as Chris's personal Octagon (A bit like a boxing ring if any of you don't know what that is).  We would often argue over a decision on the squash court where I would call him a cheat and he would call me a liar resulting in a squash racket hurtling towards my head at 100mph and us rolling around on the floor fighting in front of an audience like we were on the Jerry Springer show.  It would always result in the same way, both of us in tears and running back to our mam and dad.

But sure enough the next day, Chris would drop me an email from work and we'd make up.

Lesson Nr 2 was timing – Being the youngest always has its advantages.  I learnt that it was never a good idea to arrive at parents evening and tell your dad in the car park that you hadn't sat any of your exams.  Lesson 3 was that the Wilson's generally don't have the best of luck as the funniest thing was that the teacher didn't even mention it so Chris got a bollocking for nothing.

The final lesson I learnt was humour.  I found out a long time ago that although it was indeed funny for Chris and his friends to pin me down and severely knock the wind out of me by repeatedly hitting my testicles.  It turned out that it wasn't quite as funny to do it back to Chris.

Henri, it is fair to say you have married a great bloke.  Sometimes I wonder what it would be like not to have him as my brother……………………..… Sometimes the smile lasts for hours.

But in all seriousness I have a lot to be proud of when I think of what Chris has done for me over the years.  He is kind, he is caring, he is considerate, he is generous, he is hardworking and it makes me proud to call him my brother.  I just hope some of his attributes have rubbed off on me.

And Henri, when Steph and I first met you we loved you straight away.  You are intelligent, kind and caring and you have such a nice nature about you.  You also make Chris really happy and you deserve a wonderful, successful and loving husband.  Thank goodness Chris married you before you found one.  But seriously, Henri, I am delighted to welcome you officially into the Wilson family but I am even more delighted to be able to call you my sister.

Chris and Henri certainly complement each other in different ways and when Chris told me he asked Henri to marry him I was absolutely delighted.  They are both such nice people and they deserve a future of success and happiness together. 

It is obvious when Chris talks about Henri that he is truly in love.  And when Henri talks to me about Chris she tells me that he has brightened up her life.  Well she actually said he never turns the lights off but I try to take the positives from everything. 

And finally, although I have only been married for a couple of years, I do feel I have enough experience now to give you both a bit of long lasting advice:

Henri – Remember that men are like a fine wine…..

They start out like grapes……….And it is your job to stamp on them in the dark until they turn into something you would like to have dinner with      

Chris – By coincidence, women too are like a fine wine…..

They start out like fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind……….

They even mature beautifully with age…..

But they always, always, always eventually give you a splitting headache

SO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN PLEASE BE UPSTANDING…… 

TO LOVE

TO LAFTER

TO A HAPPY EVER AFTER

I GIVE YOU THE NEW MR AND MRS WILSON