Speech by Kieron Preston

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Kieron Preston
Speech Date: Nov 2001
WHEN JOHN FIRST ASKED ME TO BE HIS BEST MAN, I TOLD HIM THAT I WAS DEEPLY HONOURED, BUT UNFORTUNATELY I DIDN'T THINK THAT I WAS THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB.

HE THEN SAID TO ME, “OK, THEN. HOW ABOUT £20?”

I SAID, “JOHN, I CAN'T BE BOUGHT, I VALUE YOUR FRIENDSHIP TOO MUCH!”

HE THEN OFFERED ME, £30 & A PINT OF LAGER.

-PAUSE-

GOOD AFTERNOON, LADIES & GENTLEMEN. MY NAME IS KIERON AND I AM JOHNS BEST MAN TODAY!

DALE WINTONS CARD.

FIRSTLY, ON BEHALF OF THE BRIDESMAIDS, I'D LIKE TO THANK JOHN FOR HIS KIND WORDS. I MUST SAY THAT HELEN & MELANIE HAVE DONE AN EXCELLENT JOB TODAY IN GETTING SARAH TO THE CHURCH ON TIME. IT'S BEEN A WONDERFUL DAY & A VERY EMOTIONAL WEDDING – LOOK, EVEN THE CAKES IN TEARS!!

NOW BEFORE I LAUNCH INTO THE TRADITIONAL CHARACTER ASSASSINATION OF THE GROOM, I THINK WE ALL AGREE SARAH LOOKS ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS TODAY. JOHN, I THINK YOU'VE DONE EXTREMELY WELL MARRYING SARAH…YOU'VE FOUND SOMEONE WHOS BEAUTIFUL, CHARMING, SMART, FUNNY, LOVING & CARING…AND SARAH, YOU'VE GOT……………………….JOHN!!!

NOW, ONE OF MY DUTIES LAST NIGHT WAS TO MAKE SURE THE GROOM HAD A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP. I THINK THIS WAS ACHIEVED BECAUSE I AM RELIABLY INFORMED, HE SLEPT LIKE A BABY… WAKING UP EVERY 2 HOURS, CRYING FOR HIS MUMMY!!!

NOT TO BE OUTDONE, I SPOKE TO SARAHS DAD EARLIER AND HE WAS REMINICING HOW FAST CHILDREN GROW UP NOWADAYS? HE SAID THAT WHEN SARAH WAS A TODDLER, HE REMEMBERS HER RUNNING AROUND WITH A DUMMY… SO NO CHANGE THERE NOW!!

I THOUGHT I'D TELL YOU A LITTLE ABOUT JOHN NOW. I ASKED HIS DAD FOR SOME CUTE PHOTOGRAPHS TO SHOW EVERYONE TODAY. THERE WAS ONE SWEET ONE OF HIM, LYING NAKED ON A SHEEPSKIN RUG, EATING A CHOCOLATE BISCUIT AND DRIBBLING. I WAS GOING TO SHOW IT TODAY BUT IT MIGHT BE TOO EMBARRASSING FOR HIM AS HE'S 21 AT THE TIME!!!

AT WORK, SO I'M TOLD, JOHN IS OFTEN DESCRIBED AS GOD.

NO ONE EVER SEES HIM,
HE MAKES HIS OWN RULES,
AND IT'S A BLOODY MIRACLE IF HE DOES ANY WORK AT ALL!!!

NOW, I HAVE ONE GIFT OF SPECIAL IMPORTANCE TO GIVE TO THE BRIDE & GROOM TODAY. IT'S A BOTTLE OF VERY RARE GREEK VINTAGE WINE, WHICH JOHN WILL HAVE TASTED ON HOLIDAY IN GREECE. THE WINE IS MADE FROM A SPECIAL BLEND OF FRENCH MUSCADET & GERMAN HOCK.… COMMONLY KNOWN AS MUCK!!!!

NOT MANY OF YOU HERE WILL REALISE THAT WHEN JOHN WAS BORN, HE WAS GOING TO BE CALLED ‘FRIDAY’! BECAUSE SYLVIA TOOK ONE LOOK AT HIM, TURNED TO MICHAEL AND SAID, “RIGHT, I THINK WE'D BETTER CALL IT A DAY!!”

FINALLY, ON A SERIOUS NOTE, LADIES & GENTLEMEN, A FEW WISE WORDS FOR JOHN & SARAH.

‘YOU DON'T MARRY SOMEONE YOU CAN LIVE WITH, YOU MARRY THE PERSON YOU CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT’.

THIS IS OBVIOUSLY TRUE FOR JOHN & SARAH. SO, PLEASE CAN YOU ALL STAND & JOIN ME IN A TOAST.

TO THANK THE SPECIAL PEOPLE WHO ARE THE REASON WE ARE ALL

HERE TODAY AND WHO WILL MAKE TODAY SPECIAL IN ALL OUR HEARTS…THE NEW MR & MRS MOLLOY, JOHN & SARAH.