Speech by Kieron Sullivan

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Kieron Sullivan
Speech Date: Sep2005
Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen – Before I start, let me just say that the last five years I have spent in the company of xxxx means that he had as much of a part in developing my sense of humor as anyone. So, although I have tried to make this speech as funny as possible, please blame xxxx if it's not.

I think we all agree that xxxx looks like one in a million today, and that xxxx looks – well he looks like he was won in a raffle.
But – In xxxx I think you will agree, xxxx found someone not only Gorgeous,
(k) But Intelligent.
(k) Sophisticated.
(k) Trustworthy.
(k) Organized
(k) and Fundamentally A Decent person.
And in return xxxx got – Well xxxx got xxxx.

But Apparently my main duty is to give you all an introduction to the groom, talking about the crazy Juvenile antics, the scrapes with, the boozy all-day sessions, the calming influence of the bride, how she struggled to tame her man, with his ape like urges and his approach to life with a certain ‘gay abandon’ – (xxxx we will come to the ‘Gay Abandon’ a little later).
So we could all be here for quite a while if I was to revisit all of xxxx earlier years!

When xxxx asked me to be his best man, I naturally had many questions. What had I done to bestowed with such an honour? Had everyone else refused – or had all his other friends left the country? And, more important than all of those, could I myself refuse and still get an invitation for a weekend away and consume loads of alcohol? It was a risk I was unwilling to take.

xxxx approach to asking me to be his best man was quite unique. We were out in his garden after football and, after a ‘few’ drinks, xxxx swayed over to me, belched a couple of times, put his arm around my shoulder and said, ‘Well Trigg, I'm getting married in September, I guess I've got to ruin someone's day, so it might as well be yours.’ I thought that was very touching

xxxx and I became friends when me and xxxxx got together, and almost instantly he began boasting about all the trials he had as a schoolboy and if it hadn't have been for a toe injury he would have made pro. However, while investigating his past I made a visit to his old school where I found his PE teacher, Mr paris, who claimed to remember xxxx. ‘Yes, I remember xxxxxxx a chubby lad with unusually small genitalia and no footballing ability whatsoever.

Looking at him now you may not believe this, but xxxx was not a pretty baby.. In fact, he was the only baby in kingscourt to have shutters on his pram!

He was also a slow starter. At Playschool xxxx was different from all the other 5 year olds.. He was 11!

By the time he was 14, his parents were getting very concerned about his performance at school – He wasn't just falling behind, he was getting lapped!

Friends used to ask His parents what they thought xxxx would be when he left school. The usual reply was “Oh, about 35 "!

My first impression of xxxx was a guy with a really distinctive sense of fashion and style and, being impressionable, I started to copy him in the sorts of things he used to wear –That was until xxxxxxxx got upset with me for taking clothes from her wardrobe.

I believe that marriage is a wonderful thing for xxxx. It will teach him loyalty, self-restraint and control. And it will develop in him a sense of responsibility, fair play and so many other qualities he wouldn't need if he had just stayed single

xxxx and xxxx met in a very, very romantic location – the red lion in xxxxxxxx. This place is renowned for being the hangout of drunken wide boys and white stilettoed girls, so it was pure coincidence that they met on that fateful night.

xxxx and xxxx began their relationship like many young lovebirds, by spending almost every moment together – during which time xxxx tried to decide if she could do any better.

xxxx and xxxx complement each other very well. xxxx is ambitious, industrious, highly-motivated and loves a challenge. And xxxx is that challenge

I would like to say that I have a lot of admiration for xxxx. She met xxxx during his laddish years and has dealt with most of his flaws. She's a beautiful lady, and an even more gorgeous bride. I hope xxxx realizes just how lucky he is. But I still don't know how he got her to say yes because all she seems to say now is “No! xxxx, no!”

There are not many best men who can describe both the groom and the bride as true friends, but in that I'm lucky. It is an honour, albeit a most terrifying one, to have been asked to be the best man here today. But I do feel a certain relief to see the end of my duties in sight, as I'm totally certain that xxxx will never have any need to ask me to be his best man again

Unfortunately, not everybody could make it today, including xxxx mates from football. They have, however, sent a message of goodwill:
‘We've found xxxx to be useless in every position. Hope xxxx has more luck. Congratulations!’

To bring things to a conclusion, I'd like to thank you all for your attention. And let me just say that if you've enjoyed listening to this speech as much as I've enjoyed making it, then all I can do is offer my sincere apologies

I'd like you all to join me in wishing xxxx and xxxx the very best for their future journey together. They make a lovely couple, and along with their two beautiful daughters, already have the perfect family. And I hope, when they look back years from now on this, their wedding day, they realize it was the day that they loved each other the least.

Now, as a man that will drink to absolutely anything, it gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to be upstanding, raise you glasses and join me in a toast to xxxx and xxxx,

I'm sure you're going to be very happy together, and I speak for everybody here when I say I wish you both the very best for your future life together.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the new Mr and Mrs xxxxxx xxxx and xxxx