Speech by Lee Purton

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Lee Purton
Speech Date: oct 2003

First of all I must admit that I am a bit on the nervous side and ask that you bear with me. I have, of course practised this speech recently………once at a bar-b-que for the North Kent Naturist Club and more recently at the South East Haemorroid Society….… Which, incidentally, was a stand up buffet. So anyone that has heard it already, I apologise.

Anyway……..Good afternoon Ladies and Gentleman. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Lee, and I'm one of Shaun's oldest friends and his Best Man.

On behalf of the Bridesmaids, I d like to thank Shaun for his kind words, and I would just like to add that his thanks are fully justified, because they have done a marvellous job in helping Kelly and look fantastic…………… Indeed they are only eclipsed by Kelly herself, who, I'm sure you'll agree, looks absolutely stunning today.

When Shaun asked me to be Best Man, I have to say that as well as being honoured to be involved in such a special day, I did panic. I thought………What will I say???…………What should I talk about?? ………..… Can I be rude?????…I learnt however that it is a good opportunity to reflect on Shaun and his antics over the years!!!!!

Shaun and I met at the tender age of eleven, at school. Thinking back, he hasn't always been this attractive, well groomed Adonis you see here today…..Apparently when he was born, he was so ugly that the midwife slapped his parents!!!!!

At school Shaun showed many traits which still linger with him today….Such as looking up girls skirts and being rubbish at football. In fact the football coach described him in one report as……"disappointing in every position!!!"….So Kelly I wish you luck!!!

It was a few years ago now that Shaun and Kelly met and I was fortunate enough to be there on that fateful night…….Picture the scene, Shaun, in full chat up mode, walked into the room…..He scans the crowd……All of a sudden his eyes locked and the stare was intense…….Full of lust and sexual energy he walks forward approaching the object of his infatuation……….He then stopped looking at me and saw Kelly!!!!… They hit it off straight away and couldn't be parted for the rest of the evening, and as remember the rest of the weekend.

Unfortunately I don't have any juicy tales that I can tell you from our childhood……Well not that I can tell in public that is……….I have however been asked to make a request. It seems that Shaun has had a bit of a habit of dishing out his front door key to all and sundry for some reason………..Now that his wild days are over and he has no more oats to sow, I have to ask…………If there are any women out there that still have one of his keys, then could they please bring them to me now, and I will ensure their safe return……!!!!!! (At this point I had pre-arranged for some women from the guest to come to the top table and hand me a key I had given them previously. For the pun, I arranged for one of the blokes to stand up, when the women were returning to their seats, and walk to the top table, in a camp manner and drop a key on it. It went down very, very well!)

Before I end, I just have to say a quick word about the stag weekend in Barcelona…….Now most people know that Shaun can sometimes be a bit forgetful ………Well we all arrived at Luton to fly off to Spain. Most of us checked in for the flight and were waiting for the final two, so we could go off to the pub and start the celebrations. After a few minutes I looked over and saw the last two lads in serious conversation with the check-in-clerk. Shaun was then called over only to be told that the flight for these two guys had in fact left the day before!!!!!!!……It seems Shaun had booked the wrong date when reserving their tickets on the internet……He had forgotten the date of his own Stag Weekend…………Fortunately everyone else had booked their own flight, I had booked Shaun's!…..However after some enquiries, we got the guys booked onto our flight and disappointment was averted. (True story)

Finally, to finish, the only bit of advice I can give to Shaun and Kelly, to take with them from this special day, is……….Let your love be modern enough to survive the times and old fashion enough to last forever.

Shaun and Kelly, we all wish you well for the future and hope you enjoy a long, happy and fruitful life together……….Ladies and Gentleman, please raise your glasses and join me in a toast to the new Mr & Mrs Burch who are………The Bride and Groom!