Speech by Lee Williamson

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Lee Williamson
Speech Date: Jul2006
INTRO
In all the excitement, and months of planning, Dan forgot all about choosing a best man.

So……… when Dan asked me to be best man at 9:00pm last night I was really proud, but this soon turned into a feeling of dread when I realised the bastard had only given me one night to put a speech together. Cheers Mate !

Anyway, for those of you who don't know me my name is Lee – and I am the best Man.

I always knew I was, Dan would just never admit it.

Now as I mentioned, it is a great honour to be Best Man, but with the role comes the job of writing this speech, and to be honest I wanted to make the process as easy as possible. So where do you begin for ideas?
Well, The obvious place seemed to be the internet, so with a large selection of resources at my fingertips I quickly began searching the web.
After a couple of hours searching I found some REALLY good stuff on the net, but ….then I remembered I was supposed to be looking for Best Man tips, and not naked pictures of brttany spears, or Paris Hilton.

I did actually find loads of ready made speeches on the internet.… but sadly, none of them were about a couple called Dan and Ruby who live in San Leandro…….so it looked like it was down to me after all.

Anyway, I've actually never made a best man's speech before so I tried to make this as short as possible so that I don't bore anyone or make a complete ass of myself.

&ltroll out the huge ream of paper&gt

I also need to applogize in advance if I sound a little nervous. The last time I did a speech it was a sales presentation and for some reason the company went bankrupt about a month later.

Compliments &amp Thank you's

I would like to start by complimenting the bride on how beautiful and amazing she looks today. And as for Dan, well I guess he did the best he could!

I'd like to thank everyone for coming out here today. It's nice to finally meet Rubys family and especially her mother now I can put a face to the free Blockbuster videos – thankyou.

I'd like to thank Dan's family for coming out here and especially Bob and Betty who actually cut short there vacation in the Carribean with Sir Richard Branson – Thankyou.

I'd like to thank Dan's friend's for making it out here today. Dan's only known these guys a year or two since he moved here but I think it's a true testament to Dan's character that they made the effort to join us today.

Can you all please raise your hands, as Id like to thank each and every one of you personally? Hand everyone a $20 bill.…

Finally I'd like to thank the San Francisco Drug Rehabillatation Center for letting Dan out for the day. I think that's were Dan and Ruby really met – he was one of her patients !

Telegrams – Before I talk a little about Dan, I'd like to read out a couple of e-mails that I received this morning from well wishers.

To Dan &amp Ruby
Congratulations. We really wish we could be there. We'll take you both out for a nice fancy slap up dinner, at Denny's, next time we see you. We hope all your troubles are little ones. David and Sylvia in England

To Dan &amp Ruby
All the best to both of you. As long as you don't train for another Marathon together you'll never have any problems.
From your good friends Ed &amp Jenni in England

To Dan
We're sorry we couldn't make your special day, but felt it too emotional losing a special guy such as yourself, we will all see you again soon
From all the girls at the Fantasy Palace in Reno Nevada.

To Ruby
I'm sorry that I couldn't marry you myself, and had to get one of my friends to do it, but best wishes on your special day anyway.
From Antonio Banderas.

So let me tell you a little about Dan – Actually at work our customers call him Don, or Den. For some reason amercians can't pronounce Dan and so he's slowly changing his name to BEN. You see Dan's middle name is actually Benedict. So anytime in the future feel free to call him Benedict ! He really likes that ! What were you thinking Daphne???

So I actually met Dan 15 years ago at a Gym back in England. 

Anyway, back then Dan only weighed about 125lbs and drove a yellow mini metro. For those of you who don't know that's bascially a womens car and about this big show them my pnt glass………….… But after about 6 months of me training and coaching Dan and him drinking 3 pints of milk a day, I was finally able to turn him into a Man. I couldn't change the car he drove though, but at least I got free rides to the GYM you see I wasn't as rich as Dan back then and so I couldn't even afford a car.

When it comes to style though, Dan really has taught me a thinig or two. The running joke is that he'll buy a new cool outfit, I'll make fun of it, and then 1 year later I'll be wearing the same thing. I guess he's about 1 year ahead of me when it comes to clothing. I am however very pleased that Ruby was finally able to get him to change his hair style. SHOW PIC OF DAN with Real Bad Hair CUT

With Dan being so big now, I don't think many people realise how small Dan was when he was born. The nurses actually all called him TINY. But after about 2 HRS they finally did declare that he was in fact a boy.

To be honest though Dan really is a fantastic guy. He's honest, down to earth, smart and a true friend. He really would give you the shirt off his back – He'd just have to make sure there was no food left in the pockets first……….…

So Dan and Ruby met at a party about 3 years ago now. Ruby was actually set-up to meet another one of our other friends, an intelligent high tech engineer, handsome dark haired guy, who drives a porsche, HAS a TIVO, and owns a million dollar home in the city………… Well done Ruby, I guess drank a bit too much that night !

Anyway, loves a funny thing so she bumped into Dan instead and as they say it was a Match made in Heaven. Anybody here who knows Ruby will agree she can be a little fesity sometimes, so I think Ruby realised she'd met her Man when she gave Dan a Kung-Fu kick to the head and he gave her back a taste of her own medicine.

Words of Advice

Not that I'm really one to be giving advice but I found a few good ones that I think fit the occasion.

1 You may be one &quotcouple&quot, but you are still two &quotindividuals

2 Remember that it is ok to do things differently e.g. there is more than one way to peel a potato or fold the laundry, and theres more than one driving route to where you are going

3 Talk about everything. Never go to bed without kissing each other goodnight. Be able to compromise.

5 Don't sweat the small stuff…After you argue, just Make up and move !!!!!!!!!

6 Don't make love in the same place/position everytime. Variety is the spice of life!

Final Note

In all seriousness, I'd like to thank Dan for choosing me to be his best man. It really is an honor and especially because I really believe that Ruby is the perfect women for Dan. I think you are both very well matched, and lucky to have found each other…………

You are both generous, intelligent, fun and passionate people, and I truly wish you both a long and happy life together.

So finally, it gives me great pleasure to invite you all to stand up……………..and raise your glassess……………To the new Mr &amp Mrs Elmer – DAN &amp RUBY