Speech by Leigh Keepence

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Leigh Keepence
Speech Date: Jul 2002
Good afternoon ladies & gentlemen, I hope your all having a good time today, as much as I was until about 30seconds ago

A wise man once told me that a best man's speech should last only as long as it takes the groom to make love………thank you (Sit Down )

Before I start I'd like to ask Mark and Stacey to stand up
Stacey if I can ask you to place your hand flat on the table… Mark, if you can put your hand on top of Stacey's

Mark, make the most of it because it's the last time you'll have the upper hand (M&S to sit down)

Stacey .. my family keep saying how Mark looks like my mums side, you may want to see how Mark will look in years to come , if youre brave enough, so could I ask my Uncle to stand.. Stacey this could be Mark when he is pushing near to his 40’s, could I ask my Gramps to stand, this could be Mark when his is retired
And finally my Dad,.. oh well, at least you have a good looking brother in law.

I'd like to thank Mark for asking me to be his best man, It really is an honour and I'm very proud to be here. Although if he hadn't chosen me, mum would have killed him.
Now I didn't take the responsibility of being best man lightly – so I searched on the internet for a check list to make sure I knew what I was supposed to do

One – Help the groom dress. I'm sorry but I thought he should be old enough do that himself by now.

Two – Ensure the groom uses the toilet before the service. Something else he should be able to manage

Three – Make sure his shoes are clean, his flies done up, his hair combed, face washed and teeth brushed. I'm not his mother

Four. Get mark to the church on time, looking smart

Well at least I got him to the church on time!

A best mans speech is supposed to dish the dirt on Mark & Stacey, funny how the parents declined, saying I didn't give them much notice, sorry but I thought 6months would have been enough

I was talking to Roy earlier on, and he says it didn't seem all that long ago Stacey was going to bed with a dummy. Something's never change!

Seriously though.

I would like to say, thank you to Mark on behalf of the bridesmaids & pageboys and ushers, for his kind words

And I'm sure you will all agree Stacey looks stunning, and it makes a change to see Mark not wearing an arsenal football shirt! and jogging bottoms
Thanks to Roy & Jackie for organising today. they've done a great job. On behalf of everybody in the room Thank-you for inviting us all here today on this happy occasion
I ‘d just like to read a few cards:

One from the lads at Marks football team, Good Luck Stacey we have tried him in every position and found him useless, hope you have more success

Well, you'll be glad to know that as best man I only have two more things to say.
Firstly The staff at Bowood Golf & Country Club , have asked me to request that, for health and safety reasons, none of you get up on the tables and chairs during my standing ovation.

And lastly it is my great pleasure to ask you all to be up standing and raise a toast to
Wish Mark & Stacey every happiness for their future. ……Ladies & Gentleman Mark & Stacey