Speech by Les Maddams
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Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Les Maddams
Speech Date: Aug2006
Before I begin I would like to read out some cards from those who couldn't be bothered to turn up today.. Well it is a nice day and Chelsea are playing at home! nearly didn't make it myself!! Whilst I'm doing this I want you to take this chance to top up your glasses for the toast, you had better sort out a bottle for Chris, you know what he's like when its free.
Best wishes bla bla bla, couldn?t make it bla bla bla, cats got to go to vet bla bla, not known at this address??.from John and Vera, Aunt Glad, and ????????????????????????..
Right here we go!
A wise man once told me that the Best Man's speech should last as long as the Groom makes love??.. So, thank you ladies & gentlemen & have a good evening.
SIT DOWN
STAND
Ok, ok – well let me start by thanking Rod for asking me to be the best man today, it really is an honour to be asked, and a pleasure to fulfil the role, and for him to finally admit after all these years that I am indeed ”THE” best man, although I'm sure mum wont agree.
For those of you that don't know me my name?s Les and I am Rod's younger better looking brother.
I would like to start by congratulating the bridesmaid Suzanne, on the great job she's done today. and compliment Jo on how good she looks, as for Rod, well what can I say, we tried our best.
Rod started life many, many MANY years ago in London, he had humble origins with hard working parents and a lovely little brother – me, maybe not so little now, but still lovely..
As a child Rod saw his parents working hard and decided NOT to follow in this family tradition, he has done well to achieve this over the years and we are all proud of his accomplishment.
Did you know Rod wanted to be an Archaeologist…playing with bones just slightly older than his… Then he realised about all the hard work that digging entailed and that was the end of that idea..
Believe it or not he had a glittering academic record, and I managed to uncover one of his old school reports that said…
Woodwork – "Rod could do better – he has great difficulty distinguishing between inches and centimetres" – a problem he still has today by all accounts?..9 inches indeed Hold up fingers 9cm apart PE.. His sporting achievements at school are very good bla bla bla! it appears that he was a gifted athlete, cricket, squash, rugby. He obviously knew nothing about football or he wouldn't support Spurs!
His legendary sporting ability carried on into College where he started a new passion – drinking.
Rod was always a kind and loving brother, even when he split my head open with a metal bar… He was the sort of person that a young sweet and innocent boy could look up to. well that was until one day, when the combination of his best friend Roy, rugby, alcohol and some string, left me tied up in a cupboard and traumatised for life. my solicitor will be contacting you both later.
It was a sad day when Rod finally moved away from home, however I got his old room so we soon forgot him.. well apart from the smell however he left a few things behind I thought I would take this opportunity to return one of the items as they may come in use on the honeymoon..
HANDCUFFS..
Presents were always a mystery to Rod, normally I got the junk someone had given him the year before, my wedding present 4 years ago was errrrrr? interesting?..
a bottle of wine and a packet of biscuits…?
More recently I realised that Rod must have woman in his life as we started getting decent Christmas presents HOWEVER for your wedding I didn?t want to embarrass you by getting something really expensive and make you feel guilty?so you can have these back..
WINE & BISCUITS
On the stag do I asked about Rod and Jo?s shared interest?Golf ?yawn.. I asked what was Rods handicap was and the lads thought it was about 12, I asked what was Jo's handicap and they all agreed. it was Rod Seriously though, Rod is a lovely man and one I am very proud to call him my brother, I'm sure he will make Jo very happy.
I am going to have to stop there because of my throat, Rods going to cut it if I say any more, but I can't finish without offering my advice to Jo on the best way to guarantee a happy marriage.
THE TV REMOTE CONTROL..BELONGS TO ROD.
So without further ado, please be upstanding, raise your glasses, and join me in wishing Rod & Jo a very long and happy marriage.
ROD & JO
