Speech by Luke & Wayne

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Luke & Wayne
Speech Date: dec 2004
Mark & Andrea, June 2004
Mark had two best men for the wedding- his two younger brothers. Indicated in red is where the second person spoke.

THE SPEECH

Is it me or has it suddenly got really hot in here?!

#Before we start, we want to say happy birthday to our mum… 21 today!#

Just to get the ball rolling [REVEAL BIG PICTURE OF MARK IN A NURSE OUTFIT] Here's a picture of Mark for those of you who don't know the other side of him! This was taken on our stag weekend in Brighton and we would have liked to shared some stories with you, but we've been advised by Mark's solicitor not to talk about it in public till the case goes to court!

We'd like to introduce ourselves for those of you who don't know us; I'm Wayne, # and I'm Luke #, and we're Marks brothers- well that's what we've been told. Cause a lot of people say he doesn't look like either one of us. And every time we go to our local kebab shop, the owner Stavros always says it's on the house, and asks how our mum is.

#As a matter of fact Wayne, I brought a picture of Stravos along with me today [REVEAL BIG PICTURE OF MARK LOOKING LIKE STAVROS] it's a bit suspect isn't it!?#

Well we know everyone is itching to get to that bar and on the dancefloor- especially you dad, so we won't drag our speech on for too long. [DROP NEATLY FOLDED PAPER ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE FLOOR]

#I'd like to start traditionally by thanking Mark, on behalf of our bridesmaid, the ushers and Bilbo Baggins- the ring bearer (our nephew Ben) for his kind words and agree they have done a fantastic job today.#

And lets not forget, the blushing bride Andrea who looks absolutely stunning. Mark- you are a very lucky man, and Andrea – lets face it, you could've done better!

#It's a great honour to be asked by Mark to be best man- well one of them anyway. I know he has a lot of good friends- somewhere out there. And we feel privileged that he asked us. However he did promise us that if we did a good job today, we'd get to be best men at his next wedding.#

Right, now in preparing this speech, a wise man told me that a best man speech should only last as long as it takes the groom to make love. So that wraps it up then, cheers! [BOTH SIT DOWN].

#I haven't done much public speaking before, I piss pronounciate a lot of my worms. So as you can tell we're both feeling pretty nervous right now. But lets just say we were not as nervous as Mark was this morning. He said he had a few butterflies in his stomach, but he should be feeling a lot better now. I found this in the toilet just after he left [SHOW BRICK].#

Now, out of the three of us, I think there is no argument that Mark would be classed the most vain.

For starters I don't know if any of you have noticed, but Mark is looking considerably more tanned than he did yesterday. And he doesn't go on holiday till tomorrow!

For those of you who haven't worked it out- Mark has used fake tan for his special day! [LUKE WHISPERS INTO WAYNES EAR] and I just found out my mum has waxed his back for his honeymoon! [TO MARK] Sorry bruv!

Mark and Andrea met in a very romantic location, for those of you who don't know it; Time nightclub in Basildon. It's a classy venue, which is normally a hang-out for drunk wide boys, and white stiletto girls. So it was by pure coincidence that they met that night.

#For those of you who know mark, will know he's a bit of a joker. And would also know he likes to repeat a lot of his jokes. It could be this that first attracted Andrea, either that or his curly mop of bleached blonde hair- which is now a distant memory.#

#When I met Andrea, my first impressions of her was that she was nice looking, funny, friendly, happy and a very thoughtful person and when they told me they were getting married, I though it really is true that opposites do attract.#

However one thing I can say about mark is that he's loyal

All I can say is that he is still supporting West Ham after all these years, a team that has done nothing but disappoint him, and betray his hopes and dreams. If that is anything to go by, Andrea doesn't have to make any effort for the next 20 years – she can give him years of misery, break all her wedding vows, and walk all over him, and he'll still feel things will turn around come August.

All joking aside, no-one could ask for a better sister in law, and a more perfect brother. You are both lucky to have found each other and make a great couple.

Now, we have some announcements from people who unfortunately couldn't make it today.
*****

[SOME REAL ONES FIRST]

#This one is from Geoff Barlow from Basildon Boys Football Club: Mark tried hard but found him to be useless in all positions, hope you have better luck Andrea.#

To Mark, going to miss those nights getting to know each other round the pool – best wishes, Michael Barrymore

Andrea, to me you were more than a holiday romance, love Darren Day
*****

Ladies and Gentleman, would you please stand. There are two very important people here today, who we wouldn't be without. At some stage today we will be with them, sharing this special day. Will you all stand and raise your glasses to…THE BAR STAFF!!! (EVERYONE FELL FOR THAT!)

Just kidding. Ladies and gentlemen to the happy couple Mark and Andrea!