Speech by Marcus Moore

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Marcus Moore
Speech Date: jun 2003

Introduction:

Fornication Ladies and Gentleman

“I'm terribly Sorry”

For an Occasion,

Ladies and Gentlemen,

As happy and as joyous as this, I must say I feel incredibly honoured and proud to be Darren's best man. Although such have been the state of my nerves about making this speech that this is not the first time today that I've got up from a warm seat with some paper in my hand.

For those of you who do not know me, My name is Marcus and I've known Darren for most of my life and before I give you a insight into Darren's life I would like )))))))) On behalf of the bridesmaids, to thank Darren for his kind words and I am sure you will all agree, the bridesmaids look absolutely wonderful today. And the bride looks one In a million and the groom )))))))))) third prize in a raffle.

I would also like to make A special thanks to Jamie Evans for helping to organise the stag do. Which was fantastic !!!

Background:

Before I continue ….… can I just say at this point if anyone is feeling apprehensive, tense or just a little anxious right now – it's probably because you've just married Darren.

Anyway as mentioned I've known Darren for most of my life and thinking about what I could tell you was very hard as he has had so many altercations through his years .

There was :

The time with the goat – which I can't mention

The time he was caught wearing a pair of his sisters knickers and bra – which I definitely can't mention

And the time he was seen on Clapham Common after dark – which I definitely 100% cannot mention

So the first story I can tell you about dates back to our teenage years when Darren thought he was Nigel Mansell but without his driving licence. Darren decided to borrow his dad's / Barry's Car without Barry's permission and take it on a test drive around– New Malden –this went really well until the car broke down…….And you guessed it !! Darren had to call Barry up at work and ask him for a tow home.

Anyway after that I didn't see Darren for about 2 years as he was grounded. And Barry invested in a key safe.

Seriously though, I must confess that I'm the one responsible for Darren and Nikki meeting. Approx 6 years ago on a boys holiday in the lovely resort of Cavos, Corfu Darren had been stung by a wasp and resembled the elephant man. To get an idea of how bad his face was please open the envelopes on your tables.

Yeah and you all thought he couldn't look any worse, well now you have proof !!!

We were in a club a Darren came up to me and said I've seen a gorgeous greek girl who he really liked. But for obvious reasons his confidence was a little low !!! I said I would go over and talk to her and suss the situation out, I walked over and introduced myself in my greek accent only for Nikki to turn round to ask me why I was speaking to her in a French accent. Anyway the introduction was made and the rest as they say is history.

Now A little warning to all Darren's and Nikki's friends…………

I remember Nikki telling me that Darren had been out on the town with the boys one night and had one to many beers..… (Appox 2 half pints) …..… He had come home and passed out on their bed. During the night Darren had got up and opened the wardrobe in the bedroom and proceeded to take his tool from his trousers looking for the main drain. Nikki at this point had awoken and asked Darren what he thought he was doing, Darren's response was what do you think I'm doing as he proceeded to Christen Nikki shoes in a way that I'm sure she will never forget.

Sufficed to say, If you do invite the happy couple round to stay and he does have one to many beers it is advisable to make his bed up in the bathroom.

At this point I would like to ask Darren and Nikki to participate in this speech. Nikki if I can ask you to place your hand flat on the table…(Thankyou).… Now Darren, place your hand directly on top of Nikki's…(Thankyou)… take a deep breath and enjoy the moment Darren…………………………….as it is the last time that you will ever have the upper hand.

But its not all bad……..remember Darren,….… Now that you are married you can always have the last words ——YES DEAR——-

And remember? Always tell her those 3 little words ?? “ your right dear”

On a Sincere Note:

I would just like to thank Darren for asking me to be his best man and to wish you both a happy marriage And finally ………..… you will all be glad to hear

I invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast to Darren and Nikki (Mr & Mrs Dixon). We wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long and happy marriage.

thank you very much…… shows over and I hope you all enjoy the rest of the evening. And now over to Darren and the story of the Goat………………………