Speech by Mark Finch

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Mark Finch
Speech Date: Jun2007
Good afternoon ladies and Gentlemen, Bride and Groom. I'd like to thank everyone for being here on this special day for T. and E .
For those of you who don't know me I'm D. Tom's friend and best man today. A role which I am truly honoured to have been asked to perform.
I‘d personally like to say and I think everyone will agree how stunning you look today E…..T… you just looked stunned.

Firstly I would like to propose a toast to absent friends, to those who, for whatever reason can't be here today but are thinking of you on your big day. Ladies and gentlemen……..To absent friends.

I would also personally like to thank the beautiful bridesmaids, H, L. and C, you really have done a fantastic job – especially in getting E. to the church today-….I understand she put up quite a fight.

Also my thanks to E.s mum and dad P and M.”..… For showing such great restraint throughout the ceremony.… It can't have been easy watching your only daughter marry this man.

Also a thank you to Ts MUM and DAD, A and D. and all those people that helped with the preparations of this hall yesterday, Especially you P., you were obviously working very hard behind the scenes as we didn't see you all day, not even when we stopped for lunch.

And finally it gives me great Pleasure to ask you all to raise your glasses to quite frankly the most important people here today, and the reason we all bothered to turn up….Ladies and gentlemen…..To the people running the bar this evening.

E.… You truly do look fantastic today. When I first met you my first thoughts were that T. had found a beautiful and intelligent girl…and then you agreed to marry him……which I'm afraid now just leaves you beautiful.
You deserve a good husband. So it's damn lucky for T. that he married you before you found one… Seriously though If he makes as good a husband as his has been a friend to me you really are a very lucky lady.

Now it's tradition at this part of the speech for me to impart you with outrageous stories of Ts past and generally make him feel a bit uncomfortable. Giving you tales about past girlfriend's, stupid things he's done or any illegal activity he got away with in his youth. But the truth of the matter is…I was with him for most of that and I wouldn’
t want to ruin my reputation in the process…My wife's here as well you know.
And regarding the ex girlfriends. The foot and mouth outbreak took care of that side of his shady past.

But I can confirm to you all however that last night was not an outrageous night out. In fact after a couple of movies and a fair bit of pacing up and down, T went to bed and slept like a baby………He wet the bed twice ……..and woke up several times crying for his MUMMY’ But we got him to the church in the end. And as it was my responsibility to get him there looking clean and smart. ….I don't think I did a bad job considering what I had to work with.

So in the absence of being able to destroying Ts Character, I will turn on his family instead.

I'd like to thank D and A. You were like a second mother and father to me, I spent most of my youth at your house. But only because social services were trying to take me away from my own…..All they told us, was that a concerned couple they named Mr and Mrs M. had called them stating my mother obviously wasn't feeding me, as whenever I went round I was eating them out of house and home.
So thanks for taking me in in those troubled times.

C….Tom's sister….and quite frankly when I was 13.. ‘ very scary older sister’ who I was constantly trying to impress so she wouldn't kick my head in…..I now realise C, how very uncool it was on so many levels…to try and lend you my DEF LEPPARD video in order to impress you.… In fact I'm sure you got me in a head lock and made me buy it back of you. But anyhow,,,,, I'm bigger than you now.

Anyway. I met T at school and he's been a great friend to me over the 20 years or so that I've known him. I've watched him grow from a grumpy, pasty, teenager into a grumpy, pasty adult and we have shared many happy and funny times together…….Including his stag do.

Now I know I'm breaking tradition again and the stag do should remain top secret,… never to be spoken about outside the circle of people who attended…..And there's good reason for this……Most stag do's as I'm sure you know, involve the basic formula of finding a venue that sells cheap booze and has ladies willing to remove their cloths in front of an audience.… Everyone drinks too much and the reason the stag do is never mentioned again is because no one actually remembers it.

Not in this case.… T if you don't know doesn't drink….making my job of organising a stag do lot harder…….This is not to say T never drank. …..He never enjoyed the taste of beer…..but I do recall….as we were in our late teenage years he'd have the guys round to watch the football on telly….With his dad D shouting at the box about.. The TV having no depth and some nonsense about some bloke called Reggie Harris who played for Telford United in 1923 being the best player England ever had.
So anyway we'd all be sitting there with our 4 pack of carling.… Or two twelve packs in M,s case. And T with the only drink he enjoyed the taste of. ……White Russian cocktails….With umbrella, glacae cherries, and those little sparkly things on a stick, the works. You could see the fear in his dad‘s eyes. He thought this day may never happen.

So the stag do involved a day of deep sea fishing. Something T had wanted to do for a long while and I have with me a few pictures of that day. Sorry if you can't see at the back……..Teach you to buy the cheap seats. I'll pass them back in a minute.

1. The day started out normal enough, everyone was happy and smiling.
Especially the young scouse lad P here.

2. D was quick to start as he meant to go on…..Eating……Not such a good idea as he later found out…..We knew there was a problem about 2 hours into the trip when there was suddenly complete silence on board.
It took a while to work out what it was, then we realised D had finally stopped talking…..He was found head over the side of the boat swaying side to side….Sea sickness we all thought…..On no .…
not D, not seasick… Ps cigarette had mad him feel ill he later protested………………Yeah right.

3. M was first to catch a fish and here he is looking at it all confused….Not surprising really as the only other thing M had ever caught was crabs.

4. But he was soon in the swing of it and was by now the master fisherman reeling them in like there was no tomorrow. Much to the annoyance of T in the background who could be heard whining…It‘s not fair .It's my stag do.

5. He eventually got one, and that's the smuggest face I've ever seen.

6. The two Ms not to be outdone also pulled in a fish. Not sure who looks more afraid, the fish or the only man who came appropriately dressed for the occasion….eye eye skipper. You wouldn't believe it but we all laughed at this outfit….Until we all got wet and cold. Who was laughing then?

7. M. was by now reeling in so many fish he was becoming a bit cocky. To the point he's even employed a butler to hold them up for him.

8. From this picture here you can see the young M here in the background appears to have lost something and is looking for it over the side of the boat.

9. Figuring his contact lens didn't fall over the side. M continues his search for it on the floor of the boat. And believe me he was very angry at losing it. The growling noises he was making were frightening.

10. And finally this is D again……Pretending he caught a fish..…
P actually reeled it in while D was feeling ill….because of the cigarette……..not seasick. Oh no.

If the people in the pictures want to take or keep any of the ones their in please feel free………..I'll be selling them at ٢.00 a pop at the back here.

Seriously and finally though..…
I feel very lucky to know and to have grown up with T. We've had some great times over the years and I know these will continue, we share a strange and unusual sense of humour that most other people don’
t really get but he is an exceptional person. and a genuinely true friend. I am over the moon that he has met such a wonderful girl as E and it's plain to see they compliment, and make each other so very happy. You both truly deserve all the luck and happiness life can bring and I wish you both a long and happy future together. It's been an honour to be your best man today.

So Ladies and gentlemen it now gives me immense pleasure to invite you to raise your glasses to the new …..Mr and Mrs M.

To the bride and groom…………

If I could just ask you to “STICK AROUND” for the evenings entertainment were you can “LET OFF SOME STEAM”…………………………BENNETT.
POINT

Thank you, I hope you all enjoy the rest of the day.