Speech by Mark Hover

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Mark Hover
Speech Date: oct 2003

Steve, Congratulations on a truly magnificent speech. I always knew it would be difficult to follow one of your speeches, and I was right …..I could hardly follow a word of it!

For those that don't know me, my name's Mark & I have the honour of being Steves Best Man today.

I ‘d like to echo Chris's comments & thank everyone on behalf of the Bride & Groom for being here & sharing in their special day. Personally, I wish you'd all stayed at home and made my day far less nerve wracking!

I can only guess how the Bride & Groom felt this morning but I can assure you that this is not the first time today I have risen from a warm seat clutching a sheet of paper.

On behalf of the Bridesmaids, I'd like to thank Steve for his kind & thoughtful words – (Such an emotional speech even the cake is in tears!!) . I'm sure we all agree that not only do the bridesmaids look fantastic, but they've done a brilliant job today – not the least of which was getting Susie to the ceremony – I understand she put up quite a struggle!!!

Being serious Susie, you really do look like one in a million and Steve…..well you look like you've been won in a raffle!

Mentioning Susie, I overheard her Dad Chris last night reminiscing that 25 years ago they were putting Susie to bed with a dummy…..isn't it strange how history repeats itself!

I've never been a Best Man before so when Steve first asked me to do the job he helped me out & told me about an internet site on which I found a description of the duties the Groom & Best Man was expected to perform …this is one is of the quotes about the Groom choosing a best man:

“ The key is to find a Best Man who is resourceful, energetic and diplomatic. One who will not offend or create problems.”

When I read that & laughed, he also offered me a few words of advice

He said just remember, there are Grandparents present today so avoid all the usual cheap sexual innuendo, profanity, and off colour remarks which might upset them. So I have a request that if you do hear me say anything that rubs you up the wrong way, just open your mouth or give me the nod & I'll try & whip it out straight away.

Well, as you can tell by that description & by his choice of Best Man, Steve is obviously an appalling judge of character ……….which brings me nicely to the point where I can demolish his!!!

Now this point in my speech where I'm supposed to sing Steves praises & tell you all the wonderful stories about him

Well Steve, I'm sorry but I can't sing & I won't lie

Ladies & Gentlemen, I've known Steve for about 10 years now since I married his cousin Rachel so I think he chose me as Best Man as I wouldn't be able to tell too many embarrassing stories about his childhood…….well I hate to disappoint you Steve but friends and family have been very forthcoming!!!!

We'll start at playschool where Steve was different from all the other kids……they were 4 years old & he was 10 ! But in his defence, he was a special child (at least that's what the school psychiatrist report said!)

By age 12, Steve was reading his first book and by the time he reached 14, he'd just finished it.

I hear he once asked the school careers advisor what he'd be when he left school… I believe the response was “about 35”.

At school, Steve's passion for all things football was born. However the football coach found him to be useless in every position. ….I hope you have better luck tonight Susie! Sarah & Rachel tell me about how they went along to support him one day. Apparently, the school didn't want to waste his enthusiasm for football but the only position they could find for him was as the sponge boy & a very good job he made of it!!!!

At school and at home, I'm told Steve always had an interest in gardening, plants and the environment ….but in choosing a career, he chose a different way to build on this green streak & joined John Lewis!

I'm told that within John Lewis he is regarded as something of a God…..He's rarely seen, has a holier than thou attitude & if he does any work it's a miracle!!!!

I don't know if you all know this but Susie is not the first love of Steves life…….Steve took great delight in telling me he intends to love & nurture his marriage the same way he does his beloved Watford Football Club! About his marriage he says he's going in fully committed, plans to score each week, will change ends at half time and intends to play half the season away from home……..which Susie reckons is a surefire way of picking up a severe groin injury!

On a serious note, both Steve & Susie have been more than great friends to Rachel & I. Steve is more like Rach's younger brother than a cousin & we are proud that they are both Godparents to our 2 girls Emily & Lucie.

As a family, we have a habit for booking events on the days that England are playing….today being no exception! My daughters birthday parties every year seen to clash with the England Rugby internationals & I would not have been able to travel to so many of these matches had Susie & Steve not volunteered to come & help out at the kids parties.

Steve is now such a regular fixture at the bouncy castle, we do sometimes wonder whether we book it for the kids or for him!!!!

Both Rach & I thank you both for your friendship & support & we hope you both have a really special honeymoon in Wales.
PROMPT BY PLANT – “They're not going to Wales”

Not going to Wales….at your Stag Night you told me you were looking forward to taking Susie away for 2 weeks to Bangor!!
For any newlyweds, people are always quick to give advice and today is no different.

However, the only advice I'm going to offer is that which was offered to me by my old man on my wedding day.…

he told me that after the wedding when in the honeymoon suite before anything happened to give my newly wedded wife my trousers & tell her to put them on. She did this & said “ I can't wear these they're too big” to which I said “Exactly, I wear the trousers in this house.” She then threw me her knickers telling ,me to put them on to which I replied “I'm not getting into those” and she came back with “and you never will with that attitude!!

Seriously though, in my searching round to find a pertinent closing thought, all were overshadowed by the validity of the following

“You don't marry someone because you can live with them; ……you marry them because you simply cannot live without them.”

Susie, Steve, you make a great couple and are really special friends!

Ladies & Gentlemen

Here's to love, laughter
And happily ever after.
As Susie & Steve start their new life
Please rise & toast the new husband and wife

The new Mr & Mrs Watts
To Susie & Steve