Speech by Mark Smith

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Mark Smith
Speech Date: sep 2003
Firstly on behalf of the Bridesmaids and Ushers, I would like to thank Jeremy for his kind words. I am sure that everyone here will agree that the bridesmaids look lovely, only surpassed by Angela, who's looking gorgeous. Even Jez has scrubbed up well…

Uncannily, this is also Angela's mum and dad's wedding anniversary. Pat and Ray are celebrating 34 years of marriage together which I think deserves a round of applause……

Asking someone to be your Best Man is supposed to be one of the greatest honours you can bestow, but is also a terrible thing to do to a friend. Which is why Jeremy has asked me, his brother; cheers jez.

Not really being in a position to refuse this honour, I set about wasting a good deal of time researching my role as best man on the net and I'm afraid that most of the stuff was just full of old jokes and bad advice….you know, like I'm supposed to congratulate the vicar on his impressive organ…..… and I already regret telling you that one.

And then, without exception, I'm supposed to blatantly and disgracefully set out to demolish the character of the groom – and frankly I can see no reason why this speech should be any different.

Jeremy has through his life managed to develop a multitude of skills but he has perhaps one exceptional talent and that is for breaking bones. I think he could only have been 2, maybe less when he made his first break. I remember this first bone vividly, because, well I had a hand in breaking it. After this though, he had no trouble in breaking bones pretty much all by himself.

I was hoping, because of the good even spread of breaks through time, that I'd be able to use them as metaphorical stepping stones, stages on his way towards the mature and rounded man we see here today. However, on reflection, they're just the product of one foolish act after the other which appear to have had no influence in changing his mind about those dangerous pursuits he seems to enjoy and somehow still finds time to do; though perhaps not for much longer.

So seeing as the accidental bone breaking idea doesn't work, we'll just have to go back to the beginning.

I remember Jeremy being born, I was with my sister, listening from the room next door; on cue, we rushed in to see our baby brother getting his first bath and he was adorable but from there on he was just a hyperactive nightmare he never stayed still for a moment and kept us all awake until the small hours every night; mind you, now he's a right lazy bastard.

Jeremy's school career was I think a bit of an ordeal for him, but then I can't really comment, I would have liked to have been around for more of it, and I think the school would have liked the same from him, if results are anything to go by.

But he gets by with his charm, wit and good looks and so after school he found himself a job, working for the arms industry to pay for his growing motorcycle addiction….this was one of his better money making ventures unlike the idea of buying a rake to put in his van and then calling himself a Zen gardener ; though the set up costs obviously appealed to him.

To think of it, the whole bone breaking idea was never entirely fair. Jeremy's taken me to the murkey depths of a river gone speeding across the ocean in his boat and pulled me up high climbing walls and he really is a stickler for safety, perhaps he's just very accident prone with himself, but he is very careful of others…though he's my baby brother, I find him a reassuring kind of guy to have around.

For half their lives, Jeremy and Angela have been together; a permanent bond as lovers and friends has been so obvious for many years, so today is about celebrating all those years. Coming through the thick and thin has left them with a more profound bond and a security in knowing they will survive what ever the future may throw at them.

Telegram time

Anyway, it's great that we can now all finally get out to celebrate the fact that these two have decided to make a go of it; Jez has never been one to rush into these things

After all, accidents can, and do happen

And now, it would give me great pleasure and not to mention relief to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses to the bride, the groom and the accidental bump.