Speech by Mark Weikert

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Mark Weikert
Speech Date: May2006
GOOD AFTERNOON LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DON'T KNOW ME MY NAMES MARK AND IVE BEEN GIVEN THE PRIVILEGE OF BRING STEPHENS BEST MAN.

ON BEHALF OF THE BRIDESMAIDS I'D LIKE TO START BY SAYING THANKYOU TO STEPHEN FOR HIS KIND WORDS AND I'D HAVE TO AGREE THAT ALL THE BRIDESMAIDS LOOK FANTASTIC.

BUT NO ONE LOOKS AS FANTASTIC TODAY AS THE BRIDE, WHO I'M SURE YOU WILL ALL AGREE LOOKS ABSOLUTELY STUNNING.

(PAUSE FOR APPLAUSE)

AND THE GROOM LOOKS ABSOLUTELY STUNNED.

YOU CANT DENY IT THOUGH ITS BEEN AN EMOTIONAL DAY SO FAR- EVEN THE CAKES IN TIERS

NOW WHEN STEPHEN FIRST ASKED ME TO BE HIS BEST MAN IT FELT A BIT LIKE BEING ASKED TO MAKE LOVE TO CAMILA PARKER BOWLES- IT'S A GREAT HONOUR BUT NO ONE REALY WANTS TO DO IT.

BUT I AGREED SO HERE WE GO-

STEPHEN POOLE WAS BORN ON THE 7TH MAY 1973

NOW I DON'T KNOW WETHER THIS IS COINCIDENCE OR NOT , BUT 2 WEEKS AFTER HE WAS BORN FREE FAMILY PLANNING BECAME AVAILABLE ON THE NHS.

LOOKING AT HIM NOW YOU MAY NOT BELIEVE THIS BUT STEPHEN WAS NOT A PRETTY BABY …….… IN FACT HE WAS THE ONLY BABY IN MANCHESTER TO HAVE SHUTTERS ON HIS PRAM , NOT ONLY THAT BUT HIS MUM JEAN DIDN'T GET MORNING SICKNESS UNTIL AFTER HE WAS BORN.

BUT LUCKILY HE GREW OUT OF THAT UGLY STAGE AND MY MUM STARTED LETTING ME PLAY WITH HIM.

WE THEN ENDED UP GOING TO PLAYSCHOOL TOGETHER

PRIMARY SCHOOL TOGETHER

AND WE TOOK OUR FIRST CAMPING TRIP TOGETHER- WHICH WAS IN STEPHENS BACK GARDEN- OOH WE WERE VERY ADVENTUROUS.

BUT BEING KIDS WE DIDN'T SLEEP VERY WELL,

SO WHEN WE GOT EXCITED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT –

WE WOULD MAKE UP OUR OWN ENTERTAINMENT.

THIS WOULD INVOLVE TAKING OFF ALL OUR CLOTHES AND SEEING WHO COULD RUN THE FURTHEST DOWN THE STREET

BEFORE SPRINTING BACK TO THE SAFETY OF THE TENT.

NOW ANYONE WHO WENT TO STEPHENS 30TH BIRTHDAY PARTY OR STEPHENS STAG DO WILL KNOW THAT STEPHEN IS VERY COMFORTABLE WITH NUDITY SO I NEVER REALLY STOOD A CHANCE OF WINNING THAT ONE.

WE WERE ALWAYS TRYING TO OUT DO EACH OTHER, SEEING WHO COULD DO THE SILLIEST THING, LIKE –

WHO COULD EAT THE MOST DOG BISCUITS

WHO COULD DRINK THE LARGEST GLASS OF WEE

BUT ONE DAY STEPHEN TOOK IT TOO FAR , AND DID THE SILLIEST THING IVE EVER KNOWN, AND IVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO BEAT IT TO THIS DAY.

HE DID SOMETHING ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS –

HE BECAME A BOLTON WANDERERS FAN.

IT WAS HARD BUT I EVENTUALLY GOT OVER THE EMBARASSMENT OF HAVING A MATE WHO WAS A BOLTON FAN

BEFORE WE KNEW IT WE WERE GOING TO PUBS TOGETHER

AND TRYING TO PULL GIRLS – THE KEY WORD THERE BEING TRYING.

NOW THIS WENT ON FOR QUITE A FEW YEARS AND IT LOOKED LIKE STEPHEN WAS NEVER GOING TO MEET ANYONE SPECIAL

THEN DESTINY STRUCK AND STEPHEN MET LAURA WHO HAS HELPED TO MOULD HIM IN TO THE LOVING , FAMILY MAN YOU SEE BEFORE YOU HERE TODAY.

NOW IVE ONLY HAD THE PLEASURE OF MEETING LAURA ON 4 OR 5 OCCASIONS BUT I CAN SEE THAT SHE IS

A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMAN, WHO IS INTELLIGENT, FUNNY AND IMMEDIATELY LIKEABLE- AND IS A GIRL WHO DESERVES TO BE WITH A HANDSOME, INTELLIGENT, WITTY , CHARMING MAN WHO WILL TREAT HER LIKE A PRINCESS FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE.

SO CONGRATULATIONS STEPHEN ON GETTING LAURA DOWN THE AISLE BEFORE SHE FOUND HIM.

BUT TO BE FAIR STEPHEN IS A MAN OF MANY TALENTS AND IS A VERY TALENTED AMATUER MAGICIAN, HE CAN BE JUST WALKING DOWN THE STREET AND HE TURNS INTO A PUB

NOW ANYONE WHO HAS HAD A DRINK OR TWO WITH STEPHEN WILL KNOW THAT HE CAN START TALKING QUITE A BIT OF RUBBISH AFTER A FEW DRINKS AND HAS BEEN KNOWN TO START SAYING WHAT A GREAT FOOTBALLER HE WAS IN HIS PRIME.

SO I DECIDED TO GO AND ASK HIS OLD P.E. TEACHER MR NOLAN IF HE REMEMBERS STEPHEN- AND THIS IS WHAT HE SAID

“OH YES I REMEMBER POOLEY , BIG CURLY HAIR, FULL OF ENERGY AND ENTHUSIASM. 2 LEFT FEET AND THE SMALLEST GENETALIA IVE EVER SEEN IN ALL MY LIFE.

ANYWAY BACK TO STEPHEN AND LAURA

NOW, LIKE MOST COUPLES STEPHEN AND LAURA HAVE THEIR LITTLE SCRAPS, BUT NEVER ANYTHING TOO SERIOUS……….…

NOTHING FOUR POLICE SERGEANTS AND A COUPLE OF PARAMEDICS CANT SORT OUT.

ONLY LAST WEEK LAURA WAS TRYING TO THROW STEPHEN,S CLOTHES OUT OF THE BEDROOM WINDOW,

THE ONLY PROBLEM WAS STEPHEN WAS STILL WEARING THEM.

BUT MARRIAGE ISNT ABOUT FINDING SOMEONE YOU CAN LIVE WITH , ITS ABOUT FINDING SOMEONE YOU CANT LIVE WITHOUT.

AND I KNOW THAT'S EXACTLY HOW STEPHEN AND LAURA FEEL ABOUT EACH OTHER.

SO I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO ASK YOU ALL TO RAISE YOUR GLASSES AND TOAST THE HAPPY COUPLE –

MAY THEY LIVE HAPPY EVER AFTER

TO MR & MRS POOLE